My Fair Man
by Leia de Flourite
Summary: Who might have thought that confessing your love could be that hard?  Sequel to "Summer Rain and Its side effects" , KuroFai
1. Confess Distress

1

**Confess Distress**

_

* * *

_

I'm running out of ways to make you see

_I want you to stay here beside me _

_I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am _

_So just tell me today and take my hand _

_Please take my hand_

Snow Patrol, "Just Say Yes"

* * *

It was autumn; three years since the day that Fai de Flourite had joined the staff of the Horitsuba Private Academy. Three years since he and a certain PE teacher had become neighbours. He wondered if said person remembered about that day as well.

Actually, he was very capable of wondering about many things all at the same time.

And for the fifty-second time since he and Yuui had made a deal, he questioned himself how he deserved such a patient and loveable twin. '_What kind of deal?'_, you might ask. Well, it has been a deal involving both love and love confessions. Though for Fai it has been the chance to hide his feelings for a certain person a bit longer.

"_Fine. You've won. I'll tell Kuro-rin that I love him",_ he had said, _"I'll tell him as soon as you confessed to Syaoron."_

It would have been the perfect plan; making a deal like this right after Yuui had explained him why it was better not to let the boy know. Thus, Fai had expected that it would take a long time until Yuui would finally have the heart to tell the boy. However, he hadn't considered the possibility that Syaoron would confess to Yuui instead.

So the result of making _that_ deal was a really happy student, a shy but even happier cooking teacher and a chemistry teacher in distress. That damn deal had been his idea, so there was no way running away from it... not that he disliked the way things had come out. Fai was glad that his brother was able to be with the person he loved. However it was fun to make Yuui blush by mentioning the student's name or even inviting the boy for dinner (but only on occasions when Kurogane was not around since Fai had promised not to tell anyone about the relationship).

But while Yuui and Syaoron had been enjoying themselves on their 'non-dates', the chemistry teacher couldn't help himself but to envy the two. They showed him what he could have if he just tried to tell Kurogane about the true nature of his feelings. Plus, the deal demanded him to do so too.

Although Fai knew what he could win, at the same time he was afraid to lose what he already had.

Yes, he and Kurogane were not lovers but at least they were friends… in a way.

He had the opportunity to see Kurogane almost every day. He was able to talk to him, to tease him and to be chased by him. Oh hell, he could even hug and glomp the taller man whenever he wanted.

Kurogane was someone to rely on. Someone, whose friendship was the most precious to him no matter what. Why should he risk losing this precious friendship for the tiny chance of fiery kisses in the night or the even smaller chance of holding hands? Not to mention the chance of getting touched in a way he had never been before; a touch that was more than just physical… but Fai refused to get his hopes up. He was not lacking self-confidence; he just knew Kurogane very well. He knew that the tanned man didn't like surprises and he knew that he – Fai – was a walking, human-shaped box filled with surprises and childish joys. There was no way that Kurogane would ever love a person like him.

However as much as he was wishing for the impossible, he was fine with staying friends with the gym teacher as long as he was allowed to stay close to the black haired man, admiring him secretly.

But now, that was all about to change.

* * *

And for the fifty-third time he questioned himself on how he deserved such a patient and loveable twin. All that Yuui requested from him was the promise to say three little words to Kurogane in time. There was no deadline for the chemistry teacher to come up with his part of the deal. So no pressure... right?

Those three stupid little words shouldn't be that hard to say.

...right?

During the last weeks, Fai had tried to say those three words with all his might but had failed every time. He had to drag Kurogane to the movie theatres, into cafes, bars, circus shows… and to top it all off, he had even forced him to go to the museum... which turned out to be a very bad idea because they had only two exhibitions that time; one about beauty and the other one about human sexuality and reproduction.

In retrospect, being confronted with a cartoon about artificial insemination didn't actually get you in the mood to confess your love... no matter if the person you wanted to confess to had the same sex or the opposite sex.

On a certain Monday, Fai had almost said it. He and Kurogane had been walking home, silently one might add. It had been raining, so the two of them had been hiding under their umbrellas, until… _Kurogane _broke the silence.

"You're not talking", he had stated.

"I don't feel like talking", Fai had replied; trying to act casual.

"You are not singing either", Kurogane said as he glanced at the chemistry teacher. "And don't tell me you don't feel like singing, you always sing under that damn thing." Kurogane had pointed at the extremely embarrassing duckie umbrella Fai had been holding to prove his point.

Then Fai had stopped, making Kurogane stop as well. "...Kuro-tan?"

Kurogane sighed as he turned around. "What?"

"You know, I love… singing in the rain", Fai had started, biting his lower lip anxiously. Then he had mustered up as much courage as he could to tell him those three words once again. "But... do you know what I love even more?"

The man had raised an eyebrow as he looked straight at Fai's face. "No, but I'm quite sure you will tell me in a few seconds. Now what is it?"

There had been something odd in the look that appeared on the taller man's face and Fai's courage had disappeared almost instantly. So the chemistry teacher quickly thought up of an alternative to save himself. He suddenly threw his umbrella up into the air and twirled around while giggling like crazy.

"Dancing in the rain! Come on, Kuro-puu, dance with me." And with that, he swayed away, hoping that the other one wouldn't notice his smile was a lie.

"What the f… stop it, idiot!"

* * *

A loud 'PLOP' ripped the chemistry teacher out of his daydreaming and he blinked, staring at the test tube he was heating on a flame from a Bunsen burner. The milk inside the glass was still pale blue, but now that test tube seemed… emptier. He placed the test tube in a test tube rack and looked at the ceiling. There was a pale blue spot there.

"Oops?", Fai said to no one in particular (after all, he was alone in the lab), staring at the evidence of his little accident. "Maybe I should try the banana juice first."

So, Fai got himself a new test tube and put three drops of copper sulphate solution into it, before he added three drops of the colourless FEHLING II solution and shook the tube until the colour changed into a dark blue. Satisfied, he added a little bit of banana juice. The mixture looked greenish blue and not very appetizing, but he had no intention of drinking that stuff, anyway. He started to heat the bottom of the test tube, shaking it while doing so to prevent further boiling retardation.

He was so into his experiment that he almost didn't hear another person enter the room.

"I always thought that food is not allowed in labs", a deep voice said.

Fai didn't look in the direction that voice came from, he didn't have to since he would recognize _his_ voice anywhere and any time. "You're not supposed to eat and drink in the lab, but using food for experiments is no problem." He then exclaimed in awe. "Oh! Look, Kuro-myuu, it's working!"

The liquid in the tube changed its colour from bluish-green to grass green and then to brick red. When the reaction was over, Fai put that tube aside as well, turned the Bunsen burner off. He then shifted his goggles from his nose onto the top of his head. "Once again banana juice has proved that Kuro-rin-sensei won't like it." He said solemnly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurogane grunted out.

"Saccharides. Reducing saccharides, to be precise."

A black eyebrow was raised .

"Sugar.", Fai clarified. "I just tried out the FEHLING test on some drinks. Or the 'Kuro-pon will not approve your existence' test as I like to call it." He smiled at the gym teacher.

"I don't mind that banana juice exists as long as I don't have to drink that stuff. The chairman told me, you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes!", Fai cried out cheerily. He unbuttoned his lab coat and ran towards his friend. "I wanted to ask you if you'll join me this evening. There is a fair in town and I wondered-"

"No", Kurogane cut him off.

"No?" Fai asked.

"That's what I said." Kurogane crossed his arms, preparing himself for the whining and complaining he might be confronted with.

"Why not?"

"I have other plans for today."

"What kind of plans?", Fai asked; feeling a bit irritated. Usually, the other one refused because he thought Fai's plans were stupid or childish or a waste of time. However this was the first he had heard from the other man that he had other plans.

"Plans that don't involve you", Kurogane retorted, "So it's none of your damn business."

"I don't believe you." The blond poutet.

"Bad luck for you, I won't come."

"But Kuro-chii…" Fai pleaded, doing the puppy eyes thing. However, he had never been a pupy person, so it didn't work.

"Just ask your brother."

"Yuui's going to Okinawa this afternoon to supervise Doumeki-kun and Syaoron-kun during the kyudo competition they're participating! As you should know about that very well, since you were supposed to join them in the first place. You even asked Yuuko-sensei to find someone else for that task, because… oh!" That's when Fai remembered. "That's because..."

"Because I had plans", Kurogane finished for him; mildly annoyed that he had to repeat the statement once again.

"Oh, well, then…" Fai shrugged, smiling sadly, "I guess… I will have to ask someone else."

"You're a grown up man, you should be able to go there alone." Kurogane said; not caring at that moment.

"No! It's a _fair_. It's not fun, when you're alone." Fai whined childishly.

The p. e. teacher shook his head (thinking that this was not only true for fairs) and left without taking a second look at the chemistry teacher. If he had done so, he might have given in.

Kurogane was glad that he had his arms crossed when that smile appeared. That sad smile that Fai had on his face. At that moment, if he didn't crossed his arms; he would have done anything to comfort him. If he hadn't; Kurogane would have hugged Fai and that was something that shouldn't happen; no matter what.

Fai might get the wrong idea.

Or – even worse – Fai might get the _right_ idea.

And if that spazzy chemistry teacher would ever find out about his affection for him… well, Kurogane could imagine what would happen then; a whole new level of teasing, probably in a more seductive way. Kurogane was a proud man and there were a lot of things he could stand. But he wouldn't let anyone make fun of his emotions. Especially not the person he had said emotions for.

And it was already a pain just to admit to that.

* * *

Hooray, Chapter one up. A big thanks for True Despair for editing; without her, this chapter would not have been so... complete.

And just in case you wondered... the incident with the blue milk really happened to me in my last year at school when we were prepared for our final exams.


	2. the One You're Falling For

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen and its characters nor the songs/lyrics I used for inspiration, the performers are mentioned.

**Pairing: **Mainly KuroFai, hints for SyaoYuui since this is an addition to "Summer rain and its side effects" but you don't need to have read my previous short story to understand this one.

**Refinement/Editing by:** TrueDespair

* * *

**2**

**You Can't Chose the One You're Falling For**

_I swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth_

_Loving him ain't easy; he's bad bad news_

_Mama says 'use your head, you don´t need him_

_Look at all the shit he pulled you through'_

Stefanie Heinzmann, "My man is a mean man"

**

* * *

**

Several hours before…

Kurogane was sitting in his living room that one night while watching TV, on the verge of falling asleep. His glance strayed through the living room; searching for something the man didn't know. He felt like he had forgotten about something, but couldn't quite figure out what it was. He looked at the clock on the wall.

00:27 AM.

Almost half past twelve.

Suddenly,

…

_Half past twelve_

_And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone_

_How I hate to spend the evening on my own_

…

It was part of a song he didn't like but Kurogane had never been good with names and titles, so he didn't know what the name of that song was. He just knew it was by some Swedish band called _ABBA_… not that it mattered to him in the least or that he cared. Everyone had heard of _ABBA _at some point in their lives. But when it came down to that particular song, he alone remembered hearing it in this particular room. That had been about three years ago, on a cloudy afternoon…

_

* * *

_

~~Flashback~~

…_and the __weather made Kurogane grumpy. He was having the most horrible headache he ever had in his life and all he wanted right now was a quiet place __to relax __and a cosy sofa to take a nap on. __T__here was a low whistling in the air __and it reached his ears. However__ Kurogane didn't mind. _'It's probably the wind blowing through a crack or something',_ he thou__ght __dismissively__ as he lay__ down__ on the sofa. _

_But it wasn't the wind __that was whistling in the air._

"_**~Autumn winds… blowing outside my window as I look around the room, and it makes me so depressed to see the gloom…"**_

_Oh, good god, who on earth thought it could be a good idea to sing on a day like this? Whoever it was, the singer was close and the pitch of his or her voice was hurting the teacher's head. Whether it was a man or a woman __though,__ Kurogane couldn't tell._

"_**~There's not a soul out there… no one to hear my prayer…"**_

_Kurogane decided to make this singer pray for mercy, if the noise wouldn't stop __soon. __Growling, he stood up and walked towards his apartment's door, peeking out on the hallway. _

_No one in sight. _

_Although, __the door of the empty apartment __room__ right next to his was open and the source of the sound seemed to be in that apartment __room__. __Narrowing his eyes, Kurogane stomped his way__ in, not caring whether he might be welcome to the singer or not. That person didn't __even__ care about disturbing other people's afternoon naps __anyway._

"_**~Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight. Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?"**_

_The rooms __in that place __were empty except for several stacks of cardboard boxes, pots of paint and a blond person on a ladder, painting some red spots on the wall. Kurogane could only see that guy – slender hips were indicating that the person was in fact male – from behind but he didn't need to see the face of that man to know it was a foreigner._

"_**~Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight, take me through the darkness to the break of the day…"**_

_Even though in retrospect it was a bit rude, __Kurogane instantly could tell that the stranger was gay. It was not because the blond was singing an ABBA's song that was meant to be sung by a woman_[1]_ or the overly cheery way he sang __the song by.__ It was the way he was tapping his right foot to the beat while standing on that ladder, making his hips sway a little bit. _

"_**~Movie stars… find the end of the rainbow, with a fortune to win. It's so different from the world I'm living in…"**_

_It was also the fact that__ he painted flowers on the damn wall. Well, girly attitude or not__, that person__ was still a guy; so the sports teacher wouldn't hesitate to smack the idiot down, when he couldn't be convinced __by words._

"_Hey!", Kurogane called out, trying to get the __man's attention. __However it was futile as the guy didn't seem to have heard him and continued on singing._

"_**~Tired of TV… I open the window and I gaze into the night, but there's nothing there to see, no one in sight…"**_

"_That's not a surprise, you're staring at a freaking wall", Kurogane murmured._

"_**~There's not a soul out there… no one to hear my prayer…"**_

"_HEY! Are you deaf? I'm talking to you", he tried, this time louder, making his head scream in pain. Black spots danced in front of his vision; making him sway a bit._

_The feet-tapping and the hip-swaying stopped as well as _– thank god! _– as well as the__ singing. The head of the blond man turned slowly and imprinted on his (colour-sprinkled) face was an expression of surprise and slight amusement which turned into a grin. Then, without warning, the guy jumped off the ladder and landed right in front of Kurogane, crying out something that sounded suspiciously like "fight". _

_The taller man clenched his fist over his heart in shock and let out a short-breath as he glared at the person in front of him. "What the heck!"._

"_Fai", the blond repeated as he knew that the man didn't hear that before. He held out his hand to the taller man with a grin. "Fai de Flourite; that's my name. It's French, just in case you were wondering."_

"_I didn't", Kurogane assured, as blunt as ever._

"_And you are…?" Fai asked, withdrawing his hand as he realized that the person in front of him refused to shake it. Yet, he didn't look sad about it. If anything, his smile seemed to widen._

"_Someone who wants a little bit of silence."_

"_Wow, that's a quite long name."_

_Kurogane glared at the man. He didn't like people who made fun of him in any shape or form. Unfortunately, his infamous death stare seemed to have no effect on that guy, as if it rolled off like a drop of water on a lotus leaf._

"_That's Kurogane-sensei for you."_

"_Kuro… that's Japanese for 'black', right?", Fai said with a finger on his chin in thought._

"…_yeah. So what?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow at that question._

"_Well, it's just amazing how your clothes fit your name", Fai said; still grinning like the Chesire Cat. But unlike the Chesire Cat, he didn't disappear. The gym teacher rolled his eyes as he turned around and started walking away. This conversation did not make sense at all and he liked it if any conversation made even a bit of sense to him from time to time, thank you very much._

"_Hey, Kuro-tan-sensei, wait a minute."_

_Kurogane __**did**__ stop… but not because he was asked to, mind you. "What did you call me?"_

_Fai apparently either didn't notice the murderous glances he earned or just ignored them, as he continued talking. "Hey, Kuro-pon-sensei, aren't you curious about me? Curious on Why I moved here? Where I come from? You know; stuff like that."_

_Kurogane ignored the latter part as the glare intensified. "Don't you dare to ever call me that again."_

"_You'r__e right." Fai nodded. "This is a teacher's apartment, so I have to be a teacher, or what you call _sensei _here. Hmm...Fai-sensei…", he stretched the syllables of the word, tasting the sensation of the new sound of his name as a content look appeared on his face. "Yes, that sounds nice; __**Fai-sensei**__." He looked at the gym teacher with a giddy grin. "Anyway, I bet you'll never guess the subject I'm teaching."_

"_You do realize, your sentences don't match mine, right?" At that moment, the gym teacher wanted to no more then to leave so the lunatic could soliloquize all alone._

_No such luck._

"_Oh, come on, just guess!", the blond begged as he pouted in a childish manner._

"_No." He was getting frustrated by the second._

"_Please~?"_

"_I said NO!", Kurogane shouted. Now he really wanted to smack that guy down but this was a degree of idiocy that not even a well placed head-whack could cure._

"_S'il vous plaît?" __Fai folded his hands behind his back and looked at the other in a cute innocent way. _

"_Wha…" The taller man was not only irritated but just plain confused. What did the blonde just say?_

"_Prego? Bitte? Bevakasha? __Pozhalujsta?__", Fai tried again with a teasing smile._

_Kurogane sighed __in defeat__. "French", he __said; __thinking the random language change was somewhat of a hint. _

"_Nope~!"_

_Okay, maybe it wasn't.__ "Art." __At his next guess, __Kurogane wondered how bored his expression had to become before the other one would notice that he did not enjoy strange games __such as guessing. __The PE teacher was not very fond of guessing, he preferred if things made sense. His answer seemed quite fitting, considering the fact that this guy was painting flowers on his wall._

"_No~o!."_

"_Music."_

"_Wrong again~! C'mon, Kuro-puu, try harder~!", Fai teased while poking a tanned cheek._

"_IT'S KUROGANE", __the man in question yelled out._

"_Wow, I didn't know that's a class, too." …__ and the teasing continued._

_It was getting too much for the taller man as he stomped out of the room, went to his own slamming his door behind him. _

_Later that day, when the new member of the staff was introduced officially by the chairman (on a welcoming dinner, one of Yuuko-sensei's favorite excuses to drink loads and loads of sake), Kurogane should find out that the annoying guy was the new chemistry teacher. Chemistry, of all things. For the black haired man, there were two kinds of people who were interested in chemistry: geeks and lunatics. As Fai seemed to belong to the latter one._

_~~End of flashback~~_

* * *

The fact that the blond was insane did not mean that he was by all means, stupid; there were moments in the tan man's life when Fai's evil genius was revealed. Moments like this usually contained sentences with the words "Kuro-[insert annoying suffix]-sensei" and "punishment" involving the chairman. When it came to evil plotting of any kind, Fai and the chairman were on the same wavelength.

Kurogane would have loved to hate his neighbour and would have been able to despise the chemistry teacher with all of his might, if said person had been incompetent. The problem was, regardless of Fai's behaviour, he was a great teacher.

There had been a day, a few weeks after the flaily french man had joined the Horitsuba staff, when Kurogane had been "asked" to help organize an outdoor experiment (which is to say he was forced by the chairman). On that occasion, the tall man got a sneak peak at the way Fai was teaching.

As it turned out, the blond was completely different in class.

He could explain a topic with the most colourful metaphors one could think of, so that even the stupidest student would understand it. Just by looking at him – his gestures, the fire flashing in his blue eyes – one could see that Fai was not just teaching chemistry, he was living it. His classes were never boring and the students just loved him.

It was at that point that Kurogane couldn't help but to admire the other one for that. But Hell would freeze up before he'd admit that, though.

Throughout the years, Kurogane found out lot things about Fai, most of them information that he never even asked for. Due to his excellent memory, the PE teacher remembered all of them, but as he also found out, Fai never ceased to surprise him.

As mentioned before, Kurogane disliked surprises.

As also mentioned before, Kurogane wasn't able to dislike Fai as well.

They became friends, (in some odd way) and getting to know more about Fai made Kurogane find out some new things about himself such as the fact that he couldn't stand to see Fai sad. But there was another fact that he was annoyed by the giggling students who had a crush on the chemistry teacher.

… not that he was jealous or something.

Those fanatic girls (and some boys as well) tried to get some information about the chemistry teacher with any means necessary including trying to get it from Kurogane because they were "_so_ close friends". And there were pointless discussions from them including if _Fai-sensei_ looked more handsome with or without the lab coat.

Fai was not handsome at all. That's what Kurogane would think about the chemistry teacher in plain terms. He's just not _handsome_. The blonde would try desperately to act and look cute, but when his cheery attitude vanished….he was something else….he was….._beautiful_.

Fai was beautiful when he was truly happy, when he was serious, and even when he was sad. But it was that sad smile of his radiated a kind of beauty that would make one feel extremely guilty. It was that kind of emotion coming from looking at that smile that made Kurogane disliked it to a great extent. But it was not the only thing that he had trouble adjusting to when it comes to the blonde teacher. There was another thing about the chemistry teacher that the black haired man had problems to handle.

The blond's tendency to cross-dress.

Yes, you heard right; cross-dressing.

Kurogane did not mind cross-dressing _per se_, but what was irritating him was that by some strange magic, it suited Fai. The blonde could wear a dress and although he would look like a woman, at the same time though he would not let anyone forget he was a man. And hell, did he look sexy in a miniskirt.

Just stating a fact; not an opinion as Kurogane tried to calm down his own fast-beating heart one time.

* * *

As mentioned before, Fai made Kurogane find out some new things about himself. Then he realized the most important thing –he was starting to fall in love with him– a fact that was already too late for him to realize. Once Kurogane found out about his affection there was no way to stop it, the feeling just grew stronger and stronger until containing it was out of the question. If anyone would need proof that the gym teacher was in fact, in love, he would just need to take a quick look at the clock.

By now, it was 2 AM and Kurogane was still sitting in his apartment, after spending almost two hours thinking about a certain blond moron. A moron he hardly called 'moron' while thinking about him. A moron who called himself a friend and would spend time with him even if he didn't want to. But that's the thing; Kurogane never wanted to be friends with Fai in the first place.

He never wanted to befriend the guy or even fall in love with him either. But as they say, 'the heart wants what the heart wants'. It was troublesome. Not because the person he loved was the same sex, no that's not the issue. It was troublesome because Fai was who he was, always happy-go-lucky and kind. The big mystery was how to recognize a person who was special to Fai or, to be precise, it was a big mystery for Kurogane, who seemed to regard nicknames and teasing as not the kind of special he was looking for.

_Silly Kuro-puu._ As he can hear Fai call him almost every time.

To sum it all up, there are two facts about the chemistry teacher that everyone should be aware of.

Falling in love with Fai was easy.

However _loving _him was a whole different battlefield all on its own.

* * *

[1] I'd like to point out that there's at least one ABBA song that's not sung by the girls of the band; _"Does your mother know"_. Well, the original version of it, not the Christine Baranski version.

[2] Everyone who can tell every language Fai is saying the word "please" in, gets something special from me. (I just forgot what it was... well, I'll come up with something. And if I don't, you have a wish for free).

Yes, I wrote a chapter but nothing happens in it. ^^ Still, I regard this chapter as very important, because I wondered why Horitsuba!Kurogane fell in love with Fai. It's easy to fall in love with Fai (unless you're Kuro-tan, then it's troublesome XD) but it must have been a lot easier for Fai to fall in love with Kurogane, because he is so honest and reliable and there are so many things to admire about him. Love – like matter – can't exist from just nothing. There must have been something about Fai as well, something that Kurogane would admire. In Tsubasa, it was the way Fai had changed when he got involved with the kids (and Kuro-pon as well, but I guess Kurogane never realizes things that involve him, no matter in which world he exists). What could it have been in Horitsuba? Well, I guessed it was passion. That teaching is not just a job for Fai but his profession.


	3. Girlfriends 1

**3**

**Girlfriends (1)**

_

* * *

You opened up a door_

_Now I start to believe in something else_

_But how do I know if I'll make it through?_

_How do I know? Where's the proof in you?_

_And so it goes, this soldier knows_

_The battle with the heart isn't easily won_

Ingrid Michaelson, "Soldier"

**

* * *

Warning:** Possible OOCness for a newly introduced character and a lot of mentioning food that has people's names.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of Horitsuba. If I did, would I waste time writing Fanfic?

**Beta: **By dear TrueDespair. My work would not be the same without her.

* * *

There were moments when Fai was tired of being cheerful. They were a few but they existed nonetheless.

There were moments when Fai was tired of _pretending_ to be cheerful but this occurred even less, because Fai usually didn't really _have_ to pretend. But today was the kind of day that would have made anyone feel depressed. A day when you get the sinking feeling that you have no friends and nobody loves you.

Well, Fai knew there was at least one person who loved him, but this person was far away and talking to Yuui on the phone would not make him feel less lonely. Despite that, it would not change the fact that he had no one to go out with. Surely there must have been a conspiracy going around at the Horitsuba Private Academy, because Kurogane was not the only person who had made plans.

For example, the chairman of the academy; Yuuko-sensei.

Yuuko-sensei was going to spend the weekend with the Mokonas while visiting their father. For a while, the chemistry teacher had tried to imagine how the father of the Mokonas would look like… and he had failed completely. After further questioning, it was revealed that Soel's and Larg's "Daddy" was none other than Clow Reed, the man who owned the area that the school was built upon. Of course this man was not someone Yuuko-sensei would deny the invitation from.

So, Yuuko was not going to join him. And to be honest, Fai had never really tried to make friends with the other teachers, but he got along with his students very well. Ignoring a voice in his head (That cried out when one had to be very desperate to ask one's student out...), he asked his adorable little princesses, the girls of his class. Sakura-chan had a part time job as a waitress in a restaurant and she said she had to work that very evening. Himawari-chan told him happily that she had a date (a _first date_ to be accurate) at that same night so she was unavailable.

To prove his desperation even more, Fai even asked the boys of class B if they made plans for Friday evening. Well, he asked Syaoran-kun first because Watanuki-kun was nowhere to be found. As it turned out, the boy had lost a bet with Doumeki-kun, so now he was on the trip to Okinawa as well but solely to cook food for his older class mate. As for Syaoran-kun, he was going to have a nice quiet evening with his Dad. Fai wondered if this if this dinner would be in a restaurant where a nice little girl with emerald green eyes worked, but he was too depressed to care if it was his business or not.

He told himself, not to be sad about it.

He told himself that he could go to the fair another day.

With Yuui. And Kuro-wanwan.

But today was a special day to him and now it looked like he had to spend it on the couch watching TV. Fai wondered if it was to late to have an affair with a sexy guy called Jack Daniels or Jim Beam… and decided that alcohol would make him only more depressed. He decided that the better choice was to rely on Ben and Jerry. Even if they would make him fat, there was wasn't anyone around to care, anyway.

"Fai-sensei?"

The blond blinked and turned around slowly, forcing his lips into a smile and trying to ignore the fact that he had been standing in a school hallway, unmoving for quite some time. To move was to make a decision and he was not ready for that, at least not yet.

"Fai-sensei, are you alright?", Himawari-chan asked; frowning in a cute yet concentrated manner.

"Yes, my dear", the teacher chirped. He was too cheery, even for the likes of him and even if it sometimes seemed like Himawari was not the smartest girl, she had a way of seeing through people. Thus, she knew her teacher was lying and also knew that he didn't want her to worry about him.

"Sensei, about this date that I have… I wanted to talk to you about it. Is it inappropriate to ask you for some advice?"

What was a man going to say to that? He could hardly deal his own love-life so he realized that maybe he was not the right person to ask. Then again, he finally had someone who needed him; someone who cared what he was thinking. And for once he would not be all alone. With that point in mind, the chemistry teacher hugged the girl rapturously and felt like twirling around in joy.

"Of course not~! I'd love to help you~!" Fai exclaimed with a big smile on his face.

* * *

In the Horitsuba Private Academy, the students had the opportunity to live in the in the academy's dormitories. Himawari-chan, whose parents were business people, always travelling from country to country, was living in one of those apartment-sharing communities.

So Fai found himself in Himawari-chan's kitchen only fifteen minutes later; a grown up man, no, a _teacher_ in a student's apartment. Under normal circumstances this would have caused rumours. However, due to a very nasty incident with his ex-boyfriend – who turned out to be a psychotic stalker – it was no secret that Fai's preferences were not under-aged girls (and hardly girls or women at all). So neither of them minded about the situation.

Himawari-chan's problem turned out to be a problem most people had. It was a question that had annoyed mankind since Adam and Eve had to leave paradise.

_What should I wear?_

Finding the answer to that question can take a while, especially when one gets dressed for a big date and it was always a relief to have someone to tell if the outfit was a stunner or a big no-no.

…

…

"What about this one?", the girl asked as she hopped into the room in a sleeveless white summer dress with red flower pattern on the fabric. Himawari turned around slowly, so that Fai could see the correct fit of that dress in every angle.

"I'm glad that Watanuki-kun can't see you right now. The poor boy would get a heart attack", Fai said, completely stunned.

Himawari-chan frowned at the statement. "Is it really that bad?"

"No, not at all! It's really beautiful~! Gosh... where did you get that?" He wanted one just like this. Maybe with a blue flower pattern instead of red of course.

"It was a present from my Mom." Himawari-chan touched the fabric of the dress. "Do you think it's the right thing to wear for this date?"

"Um... that depends on where you're going, I suppose", Fai said.

"Kat said, 'we'll meet at the fair'."

The fair. _Of course_. Fai came here to get distracted but instead he had his student kept on reminding him what he tried so hard to forget. It was ironic enough to get angry with destiny.

"And it's your first date, right?"

Himawari-chan nodded enthusiastically. Fai told himself not to be envious of her. It was a mother's responsibility to make sure that her daughter would get what she couldn't. Well, Fai knew that he was not the girl's mother but the girl was like family to him, so he made a decision. Since he could not have a date on this special day, he would make sure that Himawari-chan gets the perfect first date she deserved.

"Hm…" Fai scratched his chin, pondering. "I'm not so sure if a dress is the best thing, no matter how pretty it is. It's autumn and you're going to be outside all the time. When you're going to the fair, you better wear some trousers. While it's true that the first impression is important, it doesn't mean that you have to dress up in the best outfit you own, okay? You should wear something that's _you_, you know? Maybe a cute T-shirt that's in your favourite colour. You should also feel comfortable in your clothes. You'll be nervous enough, even without constantly worrying if your clothes reveal anything that you don't want them to."

The girl stood on her tiptoes and grasped the hem of her dress, staring at it. It was obvious that she wanted to wear the dress; that this was her heart's choice but sometimes you had to think practically.

"So you're saying 'less is more'?", she summarized.

"Yup."

"I'll be back in a few minutes", Himawari-chan said as she rushed back into her bedroom; leaving Fai alone with his thoughts. No matter how hard the chemistry teacher tried, it was impossible for him not to think of Kurogane and his so-called plans.

'_What kind of plans?'_, he asked himself once more.

'_None of your damn business'_, Kuro-tan had replied. The answer was so_ irritating_ that Fai hadn't asked further into the topic.

They were friends, weren't they? So how could it _not_ be Fai's business? Kuro-rin wasn't telling the truth so that meant that the gym teacher didn't trust him. That just wasn't fair. Fai was not the kind of person to give away other people's secrets. Well... at least not when he had promised to remain silent and Kuro-pon knew about that.

Which made Fai come to the conclusion that the man was hiding something from _**him**_.

Fai's Fingers were sneaking into the pockets of his jeans, searching for his cell phone. It wasn't too late to ask. It was _never_ too late to ask, but as his fingertips got hold of the little device, the blond wondered if he _really_ wanted to know. What if that secret was even worse than being left in uncertainty?

Fai jumped up in surprise as something touched his feet. There was a soft "Meow?" from the floor. He looked down and there was the _ugliest_ cat he'd ever seen in his life. Its fur was of a silverish-grey colour and there were two nasty scars in its face, one upon every eye. Speaking of which… the right one seemed to be missing. The teacher wasn't sure about it because this particular eye – or what was left of it – was hidden by a black patch strapped under the animal's ears, but why would someone attach an eye-patch to a cat if not for that reason? Oddly enough, the remaining one had the same silver colour like the fur. And those big ears, that seemed to match a rabbit more than a cat…

"Oh, hi there, and who are you?", Fai asked; trying to put a curious smile on his face.

"Fai-sensei, I'm done!", Himawari cried out as she entered the kitchen once more. This time she wore black jeans and a bright yellow T-shirt with a butterfly on it. "Ta-daa~!"

"Hyuu~! That was exactly what I was talking about.", Fai cheered in approval.

"And look!" The girl turned around and lifted her hair to show that the top was revealing a good deal of her back.

"How sexy~!" Fai whistled, appreciating the girl's taste in the outfit. And yes, he knew how to whistle, the Mokonas had taught him last year but Fai continued the hyuu-ing – for the sole purpose of annoying the gym teacher.

Himawari-chan ran over to hug her teacher, thanking him for his help while he replied that he hadn't done anything after all. And even though Fai tried to reassure the girl that there was nothing to thank for, he felt touched. Unlike Sakura-chan, this girl with the sunflower-name was not one of the impulsive kind. She was quiet and polite – a little bit like Yuui – and Fai had never seen her hug anyone. This date must seem really important to her if hugging someone meant a lot.

"But without you, this would've taken way longer", the girl replied; still hugging her teacher like a child would hug her mother, "And it's not like this is your job, but you're here nevertheless. You're really such a good teacher, Fai-sensei."

The man chuckled as he patted her back. "Can I have this in written form? I'll doubt that Kuro-tan-sensei will ever believe me that a student actually said that to me."

She then looked up, her maroon eyes looking for something odd on the older one's face. Then, letting go of him, her voice became serious. "Fai-sensei… about Kurogane-sensei…"

"Hmm? What is it, my dear?", the chemistry teacher asked, but soon realized that she felt uneasy about this topic. "Was Kuro-sama-sensei _mean_ to you? He can be very rude without even realizing it. I'll have to punish him for it, if you want me to." Fai raised a fist and showed a devious, catlike grin that was to say that he had the strength and the will to knock the culprit out.

But the girl shook her head.

"N-no! That's not it." In fact, Himawari-chan was shaking her head so heavily, that Fai had to hold of her both shoulders to calm her down. Geez, hanging around with Watanuki-kun seemed to have _some_ effect on people's behaviour.

He didn't speak until their eyes met. "So, what's wrong?" The blond was really concerned now. If Himawari-chan was _so_ upset, it must have been something horrible. But he couldn't think of one single thing that Kurogane might have done.

"Actually…", she began, slowly exhaling (it almost sounded like a sigh), "That would be my question."

The girl sat down at the table and Fai did the same. Neither of them minded the silver-grey cat sneaking around; meowing for attention.

"Did something happen between you and Kurogane-sensei?", Himawari-chan asked.

The teacher's eyes widened at the question.

'_Mommy and Daddy had some problems lately but that doesn't mean we don't love you.'_

This was the first thing that came into Fai's mind; the standard lines of a going-to-be divorced couple. Even though he knew that he would never say that, not even in a joking manner. The chemistry teacher tried to smile innocently as if things weren't as bad as she thought they'd be. "What makes you think so?"

Despite her previous nervousness, Himawari-chan's body language showed that she was now at ease now. She's always been someone to talk freely regardless to whom she was talking to. She looked concerned. "It's just that you and Kurogane-sensei are always hanging out together-" (_'Well, Kuro-tan would disagree on that'_, Fai thought as there was a little sharp pain in his chest) "-but lately, when you're out together, you seem distant. Not that I'm stalking you two; it's just… well it's a small town and I get to see you from time to time."

"I seem… distant?", Fai repeated; not really believing what he just heard. Now, that was a surprise! He had supposed that his student had noticed a difference in Kuro-sama's behaviour and now it turned out to be _his_ actions that made her worry.

Himawari-chan nodded and her black locks bobbed. "You look like you're not really into it. I'm not sure on Kurogane-sensei's reaction but it looks like he's feeling uneasy about it, too."

_'Hm... so Kuro-tan might've noticed'_, Fai thought. Of course he did, this was Kuro-tan-sensei after all; always perceptive when it came to people's feelings but not very good at talking about them .

"If you don't want to go out, why don't you just say so? I'm sure he would have understood", Himawari-chan continued as Fai kept silent.

Then…

_THUMP!_

Fai let his head drop on the kitchen table.

"Good GOD, I'm such an _idiot_!", he suddenly cried out before chuckling. "Guess I was trying a little bit too hard, eh?", he muttered to himself while peeking up.

He had been so determined to find a good opportunity to confess his feelings that he had forgotten what dating was all about: enjoying time together.

"I-I'm not sure...", she stuttered, rubbing her neck. "Fai-sensei, are you alright?", she asked, feeling a little bit concerned about her teacher's reaction.

Fai, who remembered that he was acting very childish while he was supposed to be a role model raised his head. "I wanted to go out, I really wanted to!", he exclaimed in frustration and despair, "But every time I did, I was looking for something; Something that will never happen." He smiled sadly. "And what is this thing that you were looking for?"

"... The perfect moment to tell him something important."

Himawari-chan didn't ask what he wanted to tell Kuro-chi-sensei and Fai appreciated it. No matter how close a teacher was to his or her student (in a non-romantic way), there was a line of privacy that mustn't be crossed.

Thinking about his situation, the chemistry teacher realized that he had created a mess. As long as he did not confess, there would be a burden troubling him and with that burden he could not enjoy those almost-dates he and Kurogane had. And if he did confess...

… well, he would screw up his friendship either way.

"Sakura-chan would always say that," Himawari-chan started. "'Everything will be alright as long as you believe in the people you love'. Maybe, you can do the same with your problem." It was the only thing she could think of that might cheer Fai-sensei up. After all, comforting someone was not that easy when one didn't quite know what's wrong.

Fai blinked in surprise. So he should believe in Kuro-tan? He _did _trust the man he loved with all his heart. Why would she believe that he did not _believe in him_? Unless... it meant that he had to believe that Kurogane would do the right thing. Or at the very least he would not push him away even if he did not feel the same thing.

"Yes...", Fai said slowly as the tiniest hint for a smile appeared on his lips. "That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Then he folded his hands and rested them under his chin as he studied Himawari-chan. "Now, my dear. Since we are done with my issues, let's focus on yours... now, what shall we do with your hair?"

The girl giggled over the sudden change of subject "I'll leave it all up to you. But if I have to say anything, I can't just let them fully down or I will destroy the effect of the T-Shirt, right?"

"You are absolutely right. There is no point in wearing a back-free Shirt when no one sees your back anyway. But you can't wear the usual pigtails either, that might look too school-girlish for this outfit," Fai agreed and added his points of the look.

They both nodded in unison.

Then they pondered in silence. Until...

"By the way, Himawari-chan, is that your lovely cat over there?" Fai suddenly asked.

She blinked. "Huh? Oh, you mean Ginsei? Actually, he's my older sister's pet but the girl she's sharing the apartment with has a pet allergy, so I decided to keep him instead. Kobato-chan is fine with that." Kobato-chan was Himawari-chans housemate.

Fai looked at the pet. "He looks a bit rough, eh?"

"We got him from an animal shelter. I don't know what the previous owners did to him but he can get a bit aggressive towards strangers sometimes."

"Well it seems that he likes to do it rough, too", Fai stated with a dirty grin on his face.

Himawari-chan let out a small noise of confusion before her glance followed her teacher's glance. Then she yelped. Her cat was doing something to a plush puppy that one would expect dogs or male rabbits to do. "GINSEI!", the black haired girl cried out, "Stop jumping Ioryogi-san! Kobato-chan will get mad at me."

As Fai laughed whole-heartedly at the scene, he thought that the cat was really lucky. At least this guy got a little bit of love; even if it was just from a stuffed blue dog.

* * *

He sneezed loudly. A little laughter could be heard from out of his bedroom.

"What's so funny, huh?", Kurogane yelled from out of his kitchen where he was making his specialty – Japanese green tea – for his guest. The answer was even more giggling. He started regretting that he picked her up from the airport.

"I was just wondering about whoever might be backbiting you right now", the woman replied.

Kurogane grunted dismissively. There were just two human beings in the run; the blond moron and the chairman. Maybe the Mokonas as well, but they couldn't actually be counted as 'human'.

"Tse, I don't know, what you're talking about", Kurogane lied. Yeah, you heard right. He _lied_. It seemed like some of the moron's bad habits were rubbing off on him. The gym teacher poured the tea into two cups, a red and a green one, and put them on a tray that he carried into the living room.

"Tea's ready!"

"Five Minutes. I'm not done yet."

Kurogane rolled his eyes. Of course she was not done, regarding the enormous size of her trunk. Women and their luggage; they always packed for a whole season when they were really staying for a week or so.

A pretty face with the curliest hair appeared in the doorway as Oruha was peeking into the living room. "Is it really okay for you if I sleep here? The couch is just fine for me, you know?"

"Oh, shut up. You're the guest, you get the bed. It's as easy as that."

"Fine." And with that, her head disappeared into the bedroom again. Kurogane chose to put the tray on the coffee table and went to his bedroom as well. Oruha's trunk was still half full.

"Can't you do that later?"

"Nope." She smiled and sat down on the bed, crossing her legs, "But you can tell me what we're going to do today while I unpack my stuff."

The man shrugged. "Your choice. I guess you want me to show you around, but we'll save that for tomorrow; the academy's quite big."

"I see... I've seen placards for a funfair. I haven't been on one for years."

The fair? The freaking fair? Why was everyone so obsessed with that place? Kurogane grumbled. "Don't you want to do something that's more typical for Japan?"

"No way!", Oruha exclaimed happily.

He sighed. "Wait here."

Seemed like the moron would get his will.

And Kurogane was pissed. He knew the blond would tease him 'til no end if he asked the guy out just now; but if he did not ask, Fai would be angry with him for weeks. So, he went over to the chemistry teacher's apartment and knocked on the door. And waited. Then waited… then waited. But nothing happened. He knocked again, only this time louder – maybe the idiot hadn't heard it the first time. Maybe Fai was under the shower._ 'Or maybe...'_, Kurogane realized, as he was standing uselessly in front of the closed door, _'Maybe the idiot isn't home. For all I know the guy could have gone to the fair already.'_

So, the gym teacher went back to his rooms, just to find Oruha standing in the living room with a cardboard box in her hands. On the lid of that box there was a familiar name, written in Kurogane's handwriting.

_'Oh, crap'_, the owner of that box thought.

"Say Kurogane... who's Fai?"

"Get that out of your hands", Kurogane angrily said.

She didn't seem to hear that as she was too curious about the item in question. "... I didn't want to be nosy; I just dropped a pair of my socks and as I wanted to pick them up, I found this under your bed. Funny, you never seemed to be the 'hiding-stuff-under-your-bed' kind of guy."

Kurogane was way too angry to commend about that, so he just glared. Unfortunately, he and Oruha have been friends for far too long for her to be affected by his stare.

"So, my dear friend, I wonder what might be so embarrassing that you have to hide it under your bed?" Her gentle smile was teasing, however the woman didn't know about the sensitiveness of the topic she just touched.

"_Give it to me, or you can find yourself another place to stay."_.

Oruha blinked in surprise. Finally, she realized that she did something terribly wrong, although she didn't know what. Seemed like everyone had a little secret and if her friend didn't want to tell her about it, she wouldn't push it. "Fine. Gosh, you're such a killjoy."

He took it without even saying 'thank you'. He never wanted anyone to find out what was inside; it was already a pain that the witch knew about its contents. This little cardboard box hid every single one of those tiny, useless presents the moron used to give him within the last three years. And although those items were nothing special and the tan man had no use for them, he just couldn't throw them away. After all, he was not the kind of ignorant bastard that everyone thought he was. But if anyone assumed that he kept that stuff just because _Fai_ gave it to him – regardless the fact, that the assumption was absolutely correct – rumours might be spread and then he would be screwed.

"Just drink your damn tea and then we'll go", Kurogane finally said with narrowed eyes

Maybe it was for the better that Fai wasn't at home. Kurogane began to think that it should be okay as long as the moron and Oruha never met.

* * *

Oh, stupid Kurogane. -.- You know, I really believe the "He can be very rude without even realizing it"-statement. I can't believe his rudeness. Maybe you get what I mean. No wonder that guy's breaking Fai's heart. O.O (Well, my evil plot requires him to do so, hehe).

Just in case you are wondering about the title of the chapter: I am using the word girlfriends in the meaning of, well, female friends. So this has nothing to do with romantic relationship, 'kay?

BTW; next chapter we'll meet Kat and Kat's sister Lexi. They are not OC's, they are characters from xxxHolic (Vol. 4, I guess), I just gave them names and a nationality. If you want to guess who they are… well, I'd love to read some reviews. ^.^ And hey, nobody wanted to guess the languages Fai is using in chapter 2. Come on, guys, don't be shy. I won't bite you and it's okay if you tell me just the few you recognized.


	4. Gently Crushed

**4**

**Gently crushed**

* * *

_And all the suffering that you've witnessed_

_And the hand prints on the wall_

_They remind you how it's endless, how endlessly you fall_

_And the answer that you're seeking for the question that you've found_

_Drives you further to confusion_

Alexi Murdoch- "Breathe"

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of this story (except for Pippa); Fai, Kuro and the others belong to CLAMP. Daphne Greengrass is a character that my dear friend Loony designed for an RPG but I got the permission to use her.

**Warning: **mentioning of physical abuse, language and weird side characters. And geekyness.

**Beta:** As always by TrueDespair.

_TrueDespair:_ Short note. Prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster of a chapter. Oh and something that you never thought possible. (Believe me; it threw me into a bit of a shock). Also, geekyness is assured...yeah. Enjoy.

* * *

Fai had never seen little Himawari-chan so nervous before. It was a cute kind of nervousness, but he also found it a little bit sad, since nothing he said could comfort her. So in the end, he asked her, what this 'Kat' was like. And as soon as the girl started talking, there was no way to stop it.

Fai thought that Himawari had nothing to worry about. First off, she looked absolutely stunning in her cute little outfit and her hair bound in two loose plaits. Second, if just half of the things his student said about Kat were true, then assumingly she had to be a very sweet girl. He had the feeling though that those two might get along with each other just fine.

However, none of them had ever considered that those cute innocent girls would attract some nasty guys like moths being drawn by the fire.

As they approached the playground of the Emperor Penguin park, which was supposed to be their meeting point, the sound of shrieking caught their attention.

Two girls – college students maybe, about nineteen years old – were surrounded, no; _cornered _by a group of rough looking guys. And guys they were, since Fai would refuse to call anyone who would terrify others a 'man'. Himawari-chan froze up, her eyes widening. Her mouth opened only for a silent 'oh no!' to come out.

"Lexi and Kat?" Fai asked. Her inability to say anything was the closest he could get to a 'yes' from her.

"Okay. Stay here. I'll take care of this. If things get worse, go get some help."

Her eyes trailed slowly back to her teacher; her decelerated movements like the ones of a sleepwalker. She remained silent, but there was a look of protest in her eyes. The blond gave her a reassuring smile and patted her head. "Don't you worry about a thing."

And with that, he left.

* * *

"Oh come on, sweetie. My friends and I want to show you and your sis a good time."

The older twin, a young woman with her brown hair cut on shoulder's length was stuttering something unintelligible, her body trembling in fear. Just half an hour ago, her only problem was whether her sister would like the girl she had a crush on.

And now...

"Leave her alone!" Lexi yelled, shoving herself between Kat and this wanna-be gangster. "We already have a date for today and this person will be here in a few minutes so you better get going."

Kat noticed that Lexi was trembling as well. Lexi was always so strong and straight forward... her pretty little sister. Oh how Kat envied her for that. They had to get out of this situation before her date would arrive. The last thing she wanted was for Himawari-chan to get involved in this.

"We would really appreciate it if you leave now." she said with a forced smile and kept on reminding herself, what her boss (Kat had a part-time job at a fancy little bar called 'Blue Moon') had instructed her when dealing with drunk customers. 'Keep polite but determined. Don't let them see that you feel uneasy but try not to encourage them.'

The tallest of the group, an ugly boy; almost twenty with pink marks all over the face that looked like remnants of pimples, grabbed Kat's arm and drew her closer to him. His greasy orange hair had an unpleasant smell; like rotten leaves. "Do you like to dance, sweetie?"

Kat shook her head. "Sorry, but I can't dance. You just have to find another girl for this."

_I can't dance. I can't talk. The only thing about me is the way I walk..._

The lines of an old Genesis song came up in her mind and added an even odder note to the situation. She wanted to get farther away from the man, yet the grip around her arm grew stronger. He wasn't finished with her yet, would probably never be until she agreed to whatever he wanted her to.

"I can teach you. It's a very special dance, a very _close_ dance. There's not much to learn about it." The dirty; almost hungry grin that accompanied these words made it quite clear what Carrot Head had in mind. Like many guys with a lack of discipline or manners and too much spare time it was not his brain (_if he indeed had one_) who did all of his thinking but his groin... which was just the section of his body that Kat spontaneously chose to kick.

Carrot Head howled, convulsed with pain and finally let go of her arm.

"LEXI, RUN!" She yelled and as far as she could see from the corner of her eye Lexi was following that instruction. As their 'leader' wailed, the rest of the wanna-be gangsters set in motion, drawing closer to form a wall that would keep the girls from escaping but Lexi, using the element of surprise, picked out the weakest looking of the guys (just something over six foot tall with arms like a twig that made his black leather jacket look ridiculously big) and pushed him aside, making him land on his rear.

She ran about ten steps before risking a look back... just to see that Kat was still struggling to escape. One of the remaining two guys had an arm around her waist, forcing the brunet into an embrace that was as far away from romantic as one can get. The other stood behind Kat's back, cutting off the only escape route. To make things worse, Twiggy Arms and Carrot Head were slowly recovering from the shock and the pain.

_Oh no!_

"Excuse me, but would you mind leaving that lady alone?" A stranger's voice interfered. "It seems to me that she's not very fond of your company."

It was a smiling blond man that entered the scene, tall and lean. He walked past Lexi as if he didn't even notice her and for a moment Lexi was convinced that he really didn't see her. His eyes, clear blue with a tiny turquoise tint in it were untouched by his smile and focused on the group of young men.

A little farther away stood a black-haired girl; waving Lexi over. For a moment the twin was indecisive. The blond stranger gave her body an unpleasant chill... something was waving off from him, something that meant danger. But in a way she understood that he wasn't dangerous; at least not to Kat or her – call it intuition if it pleases you. And the waving girl seemed trustworthy.

* * *

_Anger_ was a powerful force...and yet, just like every other emotion, its power was very much depended on how it was manifested. There were people who were overwhelmed by it, either bound to live it out by yelling and fighting or to be completely paralyzed by it. Trembling, they fumed in silence, muscles refusing to implement a violent desire.

And then there were people like Fai de Fluorite.

Fai was the type of person who never seemed to get angry easily because he was able to drown it in a fake smile. _Fai_ was the type of person who didn't like hurting people; which was why he was trained to control his anger; to suppress it or to transform it into something else. His anger was of a cold nature, a fuel for the darker part of his nature and a catalyst for his thoughts. Right now, they were whizzing through his brain with a speed that was impossible to keep up with, filling his skull with an aggressive hum like a beehive when one was foolish enough to throw a rock to it.

Fai was long past angry, he was _furious_. The blood running through his veins had reached an arctic temperature by now. Things might have turned out differently if the youngsters had stuck to what they mistook for flirting; however, when they started to hurt one of the girls, the nice, pacifistic part in Fai was silenced. Fai's anger, this cold part of him, was a weapon and these guys chose to release the safety trigger that held it back. The world disappeared from his vision as his perception shrank until there was nothing left but the point he was focused on, the impulse that was running through his nerves.

_There was no turning back now._

"Get lost, dude!" The third teenager with his arms around the girl's waist yelled. There was a white scarred scar on his lower arm, which appeared to be the only part of his skin that was not thickly covered with a mass of dark brown hair. "This is none of your business!"

"_Abuse is everyone's business." _A voice in Fai's mind disagreed.

It sounded like Kurogane.

* * *

'_What is it that attracts people to these fairs?_' Kurogane wondered. It could not be the raffle ticket booths or the cheap stuffed animals they offered as prices. And it certainly _wasn't_ the sound of the place, since every ride had its own music that suspiciously sounded like an old gaming machine, only much louder.

It could not be the food or the candy though the gym teacher also found it hard to believe that it was the rides or the fortune tellers or the house of mirrors or even the fireworks on Saturday.

But maybe it was all of those things combined. It was a place for kids and those who loved to recall the days of their childhood after all.

"This was just _not_ the right place for me to be." Kurogane told himself once more as he stood near the town's market place where the fair had settled down. He had been to certain funfairs, and had in fact been dragged to them by a certain someone and though he could not say that he liked them to a great extent, he had been content with the fact that others enjoyed it.

Maybe Fai was right after all; a funfair was not much fun when you were alone. Taking the ghost ride, screaming your soul out even though you were just pretending to be scared was no use without a friend who _knew_ you were just pretending. Usually Fai was the one who did the screaming, while Kurogane chose to sit right next to him, embarrassed and amused at the same time. And the blond loved those chain carousels that made him feel like he was flying. Once he said that he would stay on them forever if it wasn't for the people who waited for him on the ground.

Thinking of Fai left Kurogane with a mixture of guilt, nostalgia and frustration.

Maybe it had been rude of him to reject Fai and then head to the place he wanted _them_ to go with _someone else_. But on the other hand, who knew if the idiot even cared. Oh, he would be pissed, no matter what but he would get over it. Kurogane knew very well that his stupid colleague depended on company; unfortunately their... _rendezvous_... if one could call it that; proved that it could have been anyone. He had seen Fai absent-minded and indifferent more than just once and it started to piss him off. The tan man got the impression that Fai only wanted to be accompanied by him because it was convenient.

Kurogane had no intention of getting rid of the idiot but he had his pride and he'd be dammed if he let that blond flirt break his heart. Maybe they _both_ needed some distance for the sake of their friendship.

The sun was setting, leaving the world with an orange gleam but neither the sight nor Oruha's presence were able to cheer the man up. She seemed to know that something was wrong since she kept on chatting without pestering him why he kept so silent. At the moment she kept on debating with herself whether it was smart to eat something first or not, while her friend stood next to her, arms crossed; motionless like a statue. He was used to be dragged along and since he cared not about this place, making the decisions was up to her.

"These Crêpes look fantastic." Oruha commented; gnawing on her thumb in a 'should I or should I not?' manner.

"Then go and get one."

"You think?"

"Who am I; your mom?" Kurogane snapped; his impatience just a manifestation of his more severe problems. "You're old enough to know what you want to eat."

The woman examined her friend. "You know," Oruha started, choosing her words with care. "It's really refreshing to see that you didn't become nicer in all these years." And with that, she headed off to the food stand_._

'_Whatever...'_ Kurogane thought; trotting further to a little white gazebo that marked the middle of the marketplace. Surrounded by lawn and various beds that grew different flowers and plants depending on the season and with little roses carved into the wooden pillars it was a rather a romantic setting and a popular meeting place for couples. On occasions and festivities like this, however, it was occupied by musicians, providing the waiting ones with a little tune or two. The current "inhabitants" were a young female singer with a ukulele and two older boys, one playing accordion, the other with a violin.

The accordion boy was sitting, munching a few cookies since his skills were not needed for the current song.

"**Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream..."**

The girl started to sing. Her hair was brown with a pink note in it and Kurogane recognized her as one of the Horitsuba students. Kobato Hanato, from the high school classes [**1**]. She used to be his student a few years ago and he remembered her and her incredible clumsiness. This girl hit the floor so often that she would do better not to waste her time on standing up. From what the other teachers had told him, she was not very talented with pretty much anything. Well, except for singing, that was.

"**I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?"**

She had an amazing singing voice and put so much heart in every word. Her voice was soothing and quiet for the melody and was able to carry the song's meaning into peoples' hearts even if the words never reached their ears.

"**So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you  
I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do..."**

Even Kurogane was not immune to the spell of the music. He was not the type of person who like to listen to romantic music but for some reason, this girl over there had chosen one whose words the man could not ignore, for he found himself drawn into those lyrics.**  
**

**"We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images..."**

He remembered Fai taking his hand and dragging him along, forcing him to dance at a party or at least pretend to have fun. He remembered answering rudely that he had no intention to act like a certain idiot. **  
**

**"And when you left you kissed my lips  
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no.**

**I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me"  
**

He remembered how Fai (and that damn white furball) used to give him kisses on his cheeks whenever he was going soft on someone. "_Kuro-rin-sensei is so sweet today_." Yeah. Moments like that were the reason why he tried best not to go soft... he hated blushing in front of the entire class.

Fai was someone who needed a lot of body contact in general while Kurogane preferred to be left in peace. So it had taken him quite time to get used to the hugging, the glomping and the cheek pinching. He had pushed away the idiot once and his over-dramatic reaction taught Kurogane not to do it again.

_Crap._ Permanently thinking of the idiot was not a very good idea if he intended to get some distance between them. Was there a group of the Anonymous Faiholics that he could attend? According to the amount of giggling students following the chemistry teacher around, there had to be such a thing.

"Did you know that the glue on the back of a stamp in Israel is kosher?" A female voice said, ripping the tan man out of his thoughts.

"What?" The gym teacher blurted out; looking for the source of the voice, which shaped up as a teenage girl with a pinstriped hat.

"'Pardon', not 'what'!" She corrected. "The back of a stamp. Since there are so many Jewish people in Israel, the glue on stamps has to be kosher."

He had never ever seen that girl in his entire life; Kurogane was sure of that. He may not be good at memorizing names, but faces he can remember. Pale skin, freckles on her nose, and dark blond hair cut into a bob. Maroon eyes, staring at him. Her body language spoke of confidence and her outfit was rather boyish. Blue jeans shorts and a black T-shirt with the words "Ja, Schatz!" [**2**] written on it. Whatever this was supposed to mean, he had no doubt it expressed her insubordinate attitude.

"By the way, I'm Pippa." Hands; buried deep in the pockets of her shorts spared him the unwanted 'Hey nice to meet ya' handshake. "And the angry looking girl over there is my schoolmate Daphne. She's tapping her feet impatiently to let me know that I shouldn't waste my time – our time – on talking to you."

The man took a quick look on Daphne. Redhead, wavy hair, piercing blue eyes and a very intimidating aura. Just one reason more not to get to friendly with this girl.

"Ever considered that your friend may be right about that?" Kurogane asked. He wasn't sure what the girl wanted from him but he knew he had nothing to offer for her.

"Oh, we're not friends. We're frienemies." Not just insubordinate, but a smart-ass too. Kurogane wanted to ask what the heck a frienemy was but he decided that questions on the subject might just encourage Pippa further.

"Did you know that 'metallic' is not a taste but only a scent?"

"No."

"Scientists found out that there are no receptors on the tongue and the metallic sensation comes from a retro-nasal reception." Oh god. A rebel, a smart-ass and a _geek_.

_Enough was enough._

"Okay, what the fuck do you want from me?"

"Your phone number would be nice."

The look she received from the gym teacher was short, unimpressed and indifferent. But she seemed to be one of the insistent ones.

"Or I could give you my..."

"Spare your breath, I already have someone." Kurogane interrupted with his hand up.

She eyed him suspiciously. "No. No, I don't think that's true. I've been watching you the last ten minutes before your lady friend ran off to the Crêpes stand and there has been hardly any physical contact between you. So whoever you claim to be with, it's not her and the fact that you don't put much effort in pretending that she's your girlfriend tells me that you subconsciously want girls to talk to you."

Kurogane glared, but she was immune to it. "What do you think you are; a freaking psychic? I don't need another witch in my life; I'm already working for one."

He really, _really_ tried to behave as rudely as possible but the girl just didn't leave. Maybe the presence of her frie...nemy encouraged her.

"Oh, for god's sake Poppleton, hurry up!" Daphne yelled.

"Shut up, Greengrass!" Pippa yelled back.

'_Or maybe not.'_ He mused.

Before the black haired man could help it, she had a ballpoint pen in her hand, gripped for his wrist and wrote her telephone number on his palm, including her name.

"What the..."

"If you change your mind, just call. You won't regret it." And with that, Pippa Poppleton headed off; waving at the man.

He definitely regretted meeting her and stared at his palm with disbelief. Why? Why were they so annoying? And why were they always after him?

"_But Kuro-wanwan is just too cute!" _He could hear the moron cheering in his head and he found it irritating that the blond could slip into his mind at any time. With a scowl, Kurogane tried to rub the ink off his skin but it refused to vanish. Oruha came back; munching one of those awfully thin French pancakes. She looked amused. "You know, some people would be glad to receive just half of the phone numbers you throw away in a month." She commented with a giggle.

Kurogane grumbled angrily. "It's not my fault!"

"But that happens to you all the time."

"No, it's not-"

* * *

Running. Stabbing pain on her side. Had to find... someone.

Anyone.

_Help._

* * *

"-happening all the time, I've been saved from this crap until you came along."

"Oh, so I'm a bad alibi girlfriend? Is that what you're trying to say? It's not my fault that you're so horrible at acting. Now, if you could just pretend that you were happy in love with someone instead of being the tall, close-lipped stranger, you would do just _fine_."

Kurogane stopped in his complaints as he realized this. He had been safe from them. All of those times when he had been out with the idiot and their students, no phone numbers, written on napkins or Post-Its or even on little matchboxes have been passed over to him. Plus no unknown girl had tried to flirt with him for months. The last time, a girl had stopped dead in her tracks as Fai had suddenly glomped Kurogane from out of nowhere. She had murmured something like "Oh, sorry, didn't knew..." and was gone.

Oruha was right; she was a lousy alibi girlfriend, at least compared to Fai because the idiot stuck to him like glue. _Had_, Kurogane corrected himself. '_He had stuck to me like glue before he started to stick his already airy head into the clouds.'_ Before he had started to drift away somehow.

* * *

Faces of strangers. Faces of teenagers.

No authorities around, no teachers either. _Why?_

If she couldn't find help, he would get hurt badly. And it would all be her fault.

Tears; running down her cheeks. People staring after her but none of them asked what was wrong.

No one cared for other people's business.

* * *

"What are you thinking of?" Oruha asked amused.

"Huh?"

"You were staring. Usually, people start to stare when they are thinking of a decision they have to make. Or perhaps decisions that they already made. And since you're not the kind of person who's dwelling on the past, it must be something current."

"And why the heck does that make you smile?" Kurogane grumbled. He was a bit miffed that Oruha could look through him like he was made of glass. Sure, they knew each other since their kindergarten days but if someone asked him what she was thinking of right now, he'd be lost. Maybe this was some female gift like the intuition women were so proud of. The tall man didn't like it because at least his thoughts deserved a little bit privacy, didn't they?

"It's none of my business, right?" She playfully asked. "Does that mean it has something to do with this Fai-person or are there other things you would regard as 'no one's business but yours'?"

Women and their nagging desire for gossip. Kurogane looked aside (which was actually the grown up-version of rolling one's eyes). "Why did we become friends in the first place?"

"Because no one else wanted to hang with you."

Right. That explained why all the people who claimed to be his friends were lunatics.

"-SENSEI!" A voice, crying out from afar. Getting louder with every step that its owner approached the couple. "KUROGANE-SENSEI!"

Red eyes widened with recognition.

"Oh. One of your students?" Oruha asked... and her curious smile faded as she noticed the sudden tension in her friend's body language.

Kurogane had never seen the sunflower girl run so fast before, nor had he ever seen her cry. Now she was doing both things at the same time and he could almost feel her desperation. When she stopped in front of him, Himawari was spluttering out words that were supposed to be arranged in sentences but she needed to catch her breath so hard that most of them got lost. He grabbed the girl's shoulders.

"Okay, little one, calm down. And _then_ tell me what's wrong; I can't help you when I don't know how." Poor girl, she was a terrible runner. Like Tomoyo Daidouji from class A, she had no conditions. Now her fingers were shaking so badly from the exhaustion that Kurogane feared she could faint any second.

"Oruha, try to get something to drink for her. Not water, something sweet like Coke." His friend, who might not know what exactly was going on, understood very well the urgency in the teacher's voice, so she just nodded and obeyed.

Meanwhile, Himawari started her second attempt to speak. "Four guys... they were harassing friends of mine... and Fai-sensei... he... he just tried to stop them but...they started to hit him and..." She said in those short breaths.

"Where?" Kurogane simply asked, as the grip of his hands grew stronger. Maybe he did hurt her a little but he needed her to focus on the question.

"The Emperor Penguin playground near the fair."

As Oruha returned with the drink, Kurogane had already run off.

* * *

Though he claimed to be very realistic, this time Kurogane Suwa had to fear for the worst. Fai, his fool of a friend may be a magnet for trouble, but he was still smart enough to only get involved in an amount of trouble he could handle, unless...

Confronting four guys at the same time, what was that idiot _thinking_? But the tan man knew very well that when it came to abusive men, Fai was a burnt child.

So now it was Kurogane's turn to run and hope that he would make it there in time before the blond was seriously hurt. He had once failed to help his neighbour and had sworn then that this would never happen again. And while he was determined not to break this oath, images crept into his mind; images of this dreadful day in May when he had seen Fai in his most vulnerable constitution.

_White sterile hospital floors. Antiseptic stench. Anonymous doors; hiding pain and misery from the eyes of the visitors. The ones who were lucky to come and leave as it pleased them. No names, just numbers on a plate besides every door. His destination: 223. _

_He hadn't understood his student's anxiety until the very moment he opened that door._

_Fai's slender body seemed to vanish among the plain white sheets. The right side of his face was a swollen mass of pink and black and blue, almost burying his eye. The remaining one was focused on the intruder for a few seconds until the chemistry teacher turned his head to look out of the window; digressing the bruised side of his face. There had been no sign of recognition or any emotion in his expressions._

_Silence, usually chased away by the blond's cheery attitude, lingered in this room, had probably lingered there for far too long as it decided to cling to the visitor like a burden; pulling him, dragging him down. A lack of words took over like an infection. Silence giving birth to more silence._

_Fai was staring at something outside_

_(__**a cloud, a bird, a tree**__)_

_or maybe nothing at all. He was staring _silently_, which was not like Fai at all, yet, what did he know? Kurogane wasn't sure anymore if he had ever seen any of the shadows slumbering under the annoyingly cheeky surface; maybe what he never wanted to see. _

Six months_. Six months of living next to the blond, seeing him, hearing his voice and dealing with his stupid pranks and his twisted humour and now Kurogane had to face the fact, that he knew nothing about this man, who he was before they became neighbours. Dealing with other people's past was a bit tricky... he always used to say that he didn't care about it though what he really meant (for we all knew that the man was not really good with words) was that that he would never judge someone by his past actions. It didn't mean that he wouldn't want to know about it - within the past lies the key to a human's nature, his experiences influenced his actions and vice versa. Unfortunately, if people refused to talk about their past it was because they had something to hide... something that would catch up with them. _

_A heavy, leaden feeling crept under his skin, sinking slowly into the blood system. Emotional osmosis._

_He sat down on the visitor's chair next to the bed; unable to take his eyes of the fragile being imprisoned within those naked vanilla coloured hospital walls; like a little bird with broken wings stuffed into a cardboard box. _

Where will you fly now?_ - Words, not his own, smeared on the walls of Fai's apartment. Pig blood covering the poppy flowers that the blond had painted on the wallpaper the day he had moved in. Fai painting, humming, almost dancing to an ABBA song. Since the day they met, Kurogane wondered; had his smile been real? Or had it been overshadowed by the frequent questions if he had really escaped _that man_._

"_I got you something to read." Kurogane finally said. "I have no idea what you're reading currently, so I picked just any."_

_Books; dozens, _hundreds_, wiped from their safe shelves, scattered on the floor. The gym teacher had spent quite an amount of time to pick of all of them and to rearrange them. He had somehow figured that his order was better than no order at all. He put the book on the sheet but like his visitor, Fai only spared it a quick glance before fixing his eyes on the nothingness beyond the window again._

"_Jane Eyre..." He murmured. Without the usual anticipated thrill his voice sounded empty, Hollow. "I like that book. I've read it over ten times, I guess."_

"_Should I get another one?"_

"_No, this one is just fine." Staring pointlessly. Avoiding conversation. If Kurogane was honest, he didn't want to get to know this new Fai nor accept him. He had to be completely out of his mind but he missed the twirling, the 'smile-no-matter-what'-attitude. Fai and not Fai._

"_The witch told me that the police caught that guy."_

_No response, not the tiniest movement in the blank, bruised face. The gym teacher was tempted to ask him how he felt but there was no serious response to be expected. And from what the doctor had said... a concussion. Three cracked ribs, none broken. "If the ribs broke, they might have perforated the lung. Mr. de Fluorite was lucky." Well, if this was lucky, Kurogane never wanted to consider what would happen if Fai wasn't so lucky. It was easy to see that Fai was far from being fine – not just physically. _

_One was not supposed to be hurt by the ones you used to love. One was not supposed to let the ones you loved hurt you._

"_Hey, did you hear me? You're safe now."_

_Still, no response._

"_Oh, for God's sake, you could at least look at me when I'm talking to you!"_

_Pale fingers twitching, like they considered clenching and then their owner changed his mind. Then, that one blue eye was fixed on the black haired man. Slowly, the blond turned his face. "Why are you here, Kurogane-san?"_

_Five words that hurt more than the gym teacher had expected._

"_Because you're my neighbour. And my colleague. You were hurt and being stuck here without any company won't help you getting better."_

"_Oh. Well... thanks. But this is really unnecessary. I can imagine that you have more important things to do."_

'What the...' _No accusation, just self-loathing. Did the blond really think that he meant so little to others? On the other hand, there were no balloons or flowers or "Get well soon" cards (the self-made ones, drawn by clumsy little fingers) to prove the opposite. Which was odd, because the kids loved Fai._

"_I can't think of anything that would be more important now."_

"_But..."_

"_Why didn't you say something?" Kurogane interrupted, bringing up the one question that infiltrated his mind with malevolent speed since the chairman had told him about the incident. Not exactly the kind of news one wanted to hear when asking: "Okay, what did I miss during my vacation?" If Fai had said something..._

"_I didn't want to be a bother. I thought I could handle it on my own."_

"_Yeah, because that worked out _so well_."_

"_I..." Fai began. His glance shifted to a blank point at the wall. "I didn't want to run away this time. I pretty much fled from France; from the phone calls, the e-mail threats and the letters he send me... I thought if I went just far enough I could put it to an end. But he found me." Fai paused and rubbed his eye, maybe for hiding a tear that wanted to escape. "And I thought if he could find me here, he'll find me anywhere. And if I attempted to run away, he would have hurt the kids – my students – just to punish me."_

_Great. How was one supposed to react to this piece of information? What was there to reply? One couldn't disagree, because that would be a misplaced feel good lie, since Fai knew better than that. Even saying that it wasn't Fai's fault, that he wasn't responsible for the actions of this lunatic, would not help erase the guilt._

_Kurogane clenched his fists as he felt a sudden anger rise. __If there was someone who was supposed to feel guilty it was _that guy_ and not his victim. But men who beat up the weak always come up with some twisted reasons to claim their actions justified. _

_Kurogane had no idea what he looked like and the bastard was lucky that he was now in custody. Because right now the gym teacher wanted nothing more than to give this mad stalker a taste of his own medicine. Not that it changed anything; Fai would still be trapped here; bruised and silent. _

_What was even more tormenting; there was nothing Kurogane could do for him. He protected the people he cared about, that was what he was good at and now someone who was close to him (though only physically, it was not like they were friends... yet) had been hurt and the Japanese hadn't been able to prevent it or help Fai because he simply hadn't been there, and he hadn't known what was wrong. What was it worth to be strong if he could not even do that? He felt like he had failed Fai._

_And then it occurred to him that there was a way to make sure the blond would be okay, even if there was no one around to protect him._

"_Listen, moron."_

_The chemistry teacher blinked; mildly irritated over the sincere yet not harsh tone. "Yes, Kurogane-san?"_

_The idiot really knew how to make other people miss his stupid nicknames. If the price for being called by his proper name was a self-loathing idiot, then Kurogane decided that he never wanted to be called by his name again. Not that he would ever say that out loud. "As soon as your injuries are fully healed, I will give you some lessons in self-defense."_

_Blue eyes widened. Well, one of it widened the other one remained in his half-closed state. How long would it take until Fai could look into the mirror without being scared of his own image?_

"_I don't think I feel comfortable with the idea."_

"_Yeah, you know what; I don't care. It's what you need. And everyone will be glad knowing that you can protect yourself."_

"_Everyone?" Fai asked; gulping. His fingers on the bed sheet moved a little closer to the man by his side but the blond didn't seem to have the heart to touch Kurogane. Or maybe any other man. There was another question hidden in that gesture, an addition to the one he said out loud. _'You too?'

"_... yes, everyone." The black haired man leaned back and crossed his arms to protect himself from those pleading eyes. Like a kitten that used to follow you home and meow for food in front of your door. "I like if things stay the way they are. I don't like surprises but if there have to be some, it better be some pleasant ones. I got used to your stupid bubbly behaviour, so you better change back to your normal idiotic self soon. Got it?"_

"_Okay." Fai replied shyly. He stared at his book that still lay on the sheet. Untouched and unaffected by the things that had happened. Fai picked it up and let his index finger run across the letters of a title. "I guess some happy endings need a burnt mansion first."_

_Kurogane had no idea what this was supposed to mean but a nonsense talking idiot was still better than a silent one. Suddenly, the book was waved right in from of the taller man's face._

"_I changed my mind. It's a good story but maybe not the right one for the time being. And maybe I read it far too often. You can keep it if you want, but could you please bring me something by Jane Austen tomorrow? 'Emma' or 'Sense and Sensibility', whatever you can find. I'd tell you where I had put them but I'm afraid my apartment is a bit messy."_

_Kurogane took the thin paperback novel; eyeing it suspiciously. For all he knew it was just another love story (though an older one) so what the hell would he want with it? He decided to keep it nevertheless. He expected not to have much time for reading it anyway._

"_I know. I don't mind. Oh, and there is a wall in your living room that could need a new coat of paint. Any suggestions?"_

"_Black would be fine. Like in that Stones' song." Not even the faintest hint of a smile could be seen on Fai's face as his visitor stood up._

"_Tch. Black's not a colour, it's a freaking contrast, just like white, forgot? See you tomorrow, then. And don't try to run away."_

"_Okay, Kuro-sama. And thank you."_

_There still wasn't any trace of a smile but it was getting better._

_Outside the little hospital room there was a surpris__e for the man who did not like surprises in general, but whether it was a pleasant or an unpleasant one is up to everyone's own mind._

_It was the chairman; leaning on the wall with a small conspiratorial smile which could not hide the seriousness coming from the woman. That was a new sensation. It seemed that even someone as wicked as Yuuko Ichihara could not stay unaffected by the current events. Hell, she even wore some decent clothes that fully covered those giant breasts that she bothered to carry arou__nd. On the other hand, in that white dress and the white little cap on the top of her head she could easily be mistaken for a nurse._

"_Oh, hello Kurogane-sensei." She greeted; waving him over. "What a coincidence to meet you here. I must admit that I'm a little bit impressed."_

"_Why?" The man asked, going into her little tease. Still, he doubted that coincidence had anything to do with it. It seemed more to him that the witch had been waiting for him to come out._

"_Because you're the first that our lovely chemistry teacher allowed to visit him. Even his students were sent away by the nurses with the lame excuse that the patient is not in the constitution to receive any visitors." Yuuko paused and pointed with the tip of her white ballerina shoe at a little gift-bag that stood next to her and was filled to the top with the obligatory colourful cards. And probably some chocolate, too. "I assume that – now that you have seen him – you can confirm my suspicion that the reason was of an emotional nature."_

"_I don't know. He looked pretty damaged to me." The tan man replied a little more aggressively than he had intended._

"_Oh, don't get me wrong, I am not playing his injuries down. _Au contraire_. But it's not like he's too weak. From what the doctors said, he's stable."_

"_Then I don't get your point." Kurogane grumbled, wondering if the chairman knew what the phrase meant or if she used it because talking in another language made her look smart._

"_I think he doesn't want anyone to see him in this condition. Since he's one of the patients who gets extra protection and he's informed about who wants to visit him - you might have noticed that you had to leave your name at the reception to get to know the number of his room? I bet he told the nurses to send the kids away, the other day. Poor boy. He must be incredibly ashamed."_

_The gym teacher thought that this was incredibly vain. It was true that it was impossible to meet Fai sloppily dressed on any regular day and Kurogane had more than once called him a freaking fashion victim but even the blond would now that a hospital was not a catwalk. You were good as long as you didn't look sick to death._

"_It's common, you know." Yuuko added, tapping her finger on her chin in a pondering manner. "For women who get abused by their husbands. They rather take the pain than admit that their beloved one turned into a monster. Luckily Fai's ex-boyfriend seemed to have developed his darker side after they broke up. Maybe even because they broke up and when it comes out, there's always this stupid gossip like 'Oh my gosh, how could he ever fall in love with a guy like that' as if that would make him feel better."_

_He felt betrayed. Left out even. The chairman had chosen the worst moment for proving that she could be reasonable and have care, too for her words made Kurogane feel like he had been the only one who didn't know. "If you had all of this information then why didn't you-" The man started but broke off as a pointy, manicured finger poked his chest. And not very decently either._

"_Do you think that I would leave my students unprotected if I had known? That I wouldn't ask someone to keep an eye on Fai. Well, maybe not you because that's like putting fuel in the fire, but someone. I do my homework, Kurogane Suwa, mark my words. I did some research on Jason Shioiri as soon as the police told me his name." Yuuko was furious. Somewhere behind that violently attractive and utterly wicked surface there was a woman who worried and felt the same frustration about her incapability to help like he did. It made Kurogane almost feel sorry that he never regarded her as a human being but some kind of supernatural prank that the gods left on earth to annoy mankind._

Almost.

"_What did you mean, telling me 'is like putting fuel to the fire'?"_

_She sighed. Rubbed her temples as if she wanted to say 'I can't believe that I have to deal with this, too' and then asked: "If he had told you what was going on – that he received threats – right before your departure, what would you've done?"_

_Yes, it was moments like that when she seemed to read the thoughts he had just minutes ago, that gave him the creeps. "I would have cancelled my vacation. I would have made sure that the idiot's fine."_

"_Exactly. You would have stuck to him like a shepherd dog to his herd. And if I were Fai and had a jealous, potentially dangerous stalker on my six, the last person I want to be around is the attractive guy next door. That's like drawing a target on your back. Fai cares too much about you to expose you to this risk."_

_Though the gym teacher would never admit it, he envied Yuuko for being so sure about what was going on in Fai's head, while the blond had proven to be a mystery to him._

_The chairman picked up the gift bag and slapped Kurogane's shoulder slightly._

"_The question that you have to ask yourself, Kurogane-sensei, is if you care about him as well. Fai needs to realize that there are people who don't want him to get hurt and since you were the first he wanted to see, you're just the right guy to show him."_

_Waving, she headed for the door, leaving Kurogane with the uneasy feeling that there was an implication in her words that he missed._

_It bothered him for a few minutes, and then the man decided that there was no use brooding over it. The chairman's mind was not like any other and it was surely a maze of evil tricks, punishments and twisted notions. If one had to visit this place to understand the woman, one was better off with not knowing. Besides, there were other things he had to worry about. He had to find a new book for the moron to read. He had to go to a building center to get some information whether colour could cover up the blood stains on the wall or if it was better to tear the old wallpaper down and replace it._

_When the moron came home, he should find a clean and neat apartment, an apartment that was no longer carrying the marks of this altercation._

_And – the most important thing of all – he would keep an eye on Fai. Kurogane swore that he would no longer be content with seeing just the side that Fai wanted people to see. He would try harder to really get to know Fai, to understand him. To be a better neighbour. And maybe, one day, to be a better friend. _

_Not that he had wanted to befriend the chemistry teacher in the first place, but Kurogane felt that this decision had already been made for him by fate. _

The more of Fai's bruises healed, the more of Fai's cheery attitude came back but ever since that day, Kurogane had been aware how fragile Fai was underneath and he had begun to protect the blond. He had begun to spent time with him when he asked for it. Needless to say Fai had been delighted about it. They pretty much grew together; it was hard to meet one of them alone on the school ground.

But somewhere and somehow Kurogane came to a point when letting Fai get hurt was not just unforgivable, it was also something the gym teacher could not afford to happen, for he suffered as much from it as Fai did.

* * *

Now, as Kurogane was running across the fairground, shoving people out of his way and ignoring their complaints, he could not think of anything as his heart was beating fast from fear.

He made it to the end of the park within two minutes, passengers' voices and the music of the fair rides fading noises as he rushed by. There was nothing particular he had expected to see once he was there, but what he saw he had never imagined. The gym teacher came to a halt close to a girl with long brown hair that fell across her back in giant curls. Her expression was a bit dreamy as if her mind still tried to grasp what she witnessed. Another girl that looked just like her (only with shorter hair) was leaning on the steel bar of the climbing scaffold; staring at the three consciousness guys laying at her feet. She nudged one of them with her toes and glanced uneasily to the remaining man and the blond whose grip he was in; hazel eyes like a bunny were trying to examine which 'predator' displayed the bigger threat. The one laying flat on his stomach, sand from the sandpit draped on his face like freckles or the smiling man in the black turtleneck kneeling on 'Sandfreckles' and pinning his arm to his back.

As his lungs started to throb, Kurogane breathed in, unaware that he had forgot to do so at the mere sight of this surreal constellation. Goosebumps formed on his upper arm, crawling on his shoulder and up to his neck as he noticed the way Fai was smiling. He has never seen something so horrid in his entire life and yet he knew what it was – the smile of a sphinx. At first it seemed politely amused but if one focused on the eyes, the expression seemed to change every second or maybe the emotions engraved in Fai's features were so numerous that the human mind was unable to grasp them at the same time. Cruelty. A cold despise. Pleasure. _Power_. And below that there was another thing hidden, something that was not quite an emotion. It was much harder to describe. Despair was the word that came closest, but despair was only one aspect of this... _attitude_. If Kurogane had to visualize it, the image in his mind was that of a screaming, crying kid, punching a stray dog that dared to bite his friends. A kid that paid no attention to his own wounds, while every punch was accompanied by the words 'I. Won't. Let. You. Hurt. Them. Again.'

This was Fai out of control.

"Now, my boy..." Fai said; his voice sweet like lead acetate and just as deadly. "What was your name again?"

'Sandfreckles' winced as Fai increased the pressure in his grip. "Me-Meredith![**3**]" He sputtered.

"Meredith, did you know that sulphuric acid is able to dissolve a human body completely?" He asked in a talkative tone; like they were both having a tea party instead of a fight. And Fai who usually played the role of the Cheshire Cat had turned into the March Hare and the Hatter all in one. "Apparently it's even more effective than fluoric acid and I always wondered why since the latter one hurts a whole lot more. Hm... any idea why?"

Meredith, however, had _no idea_. He just knew that the guy pushing him in the dirt was completely mad. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"...and fluoric acid, unlike sulphuric, is able to corrode glass, which is a bit ironic since fluoric acid can be found in glass cleaners all over the US. On the other hand, HF will drain the calcium out of the body to form calcium fluoride, so maybe that's why the acid is losing its strength. This needs some further investigation."

"Listen, Sir, I'm really sorry if we behaved badly. Just let me go and me and my friends will never ever touch a girl again, okay?" Pleading. Close to tears. Still, the promise led to no change in Fai's body language. The smile was still there; a cracked mask, unable and unwilling to hide the darker desires underneath.

"Oh, I'm sure of that. Because I have a friend... a friend who _knows things_. It's a cakewalk for her to find out where you live and what you're doing. And if you fail to behave, I might be so kind as to visit you. To remember you of your promise. By the way, did you know that two tubes of toothpaste contain enough sodium fluoride to kill a man?"

Meredith had begun to cry and babble various promises, pulling the last strings that might detain the mad blond to kill him or hunt him down later.

Kurogane had never seen Fai in this state, nor could he tell how the man might react to an intervention but considerations of this kind were in vain. Paralysis held him in a tight embrace, forcing him to be nothing more than an eyewitness. He almost forgot about the presence of the twin girls standing nearby, had one of them not said: "It took him less than a minute."

The black haired man's tongue was tied, too, but the girl with the elegantly curled hair interpreted his silence as the permission to go on.

"He came out of nowhere; this blond stranger and provoked them. He told those boys to leave me and my sister in peace and they warned him to stay away. He just smiled and they were angry about it, so they tried to push him away, but he moved, no he almost _danced_ [Kurogane made a small grunting noise of recognition] out of their reach and this made them even more angry until they tried to punch him. He didn't dodge. They dealt three blows at him and then he fell, but all the time..."

_'He never stopped smiling.'_ Kurogane finished the sentence in his mind.

"He laughed, suddenly, and then... god, I've never seen anyone so fast! He brought the first one down while standing up, the others within less than a minute. As if he had just waited for the right moment to hit them... or an excuse." The girl made a small pause, then: "Who _is_ this man?"

'_Oh, just the guy that I love_.' The thought hit his head so fast that Kurogane almost voiced it out loud. If it had only been true. This was _not_ the man that he loved; these were the demons of Fai's past taking over. The gym teacher did the first thing that came into his head; he whistled. It was a sharp whistle, the kind of one that was used to call his dog back and that made every head turn.

Fai looked up. Their eyes met. For a dreadful second nothing changed and Kurogane was confronted with the predatory smile, the face of the sphinx. Then, like flipping a switch, _everything_ changed. Fai let go of the youngster; his face lit up. Literally, like the sun chasing away dark clouds; the intimidating aura seemed to vanish and the muscles of his jaw relaxed.

"Kuro-chan!" Fai let out; his voice and features emitting nothing but sweet delight as he ran toward the taller (though he stepped on Meredith's head while doing so) to throw his arms around the tanned neck. "Kuro-chan, you're here!"

Kurogane was so confused that he actually hugged back.

"The sunflower girl told me you'd be here. She said you were in trouble." _'Damn, she sounded like you were going to die!'_ The Japanese man internally cursed. "I had to make sure you were okay."

"Okay?" Fai repeated. He took one step back; grinning, and stretched put his arms. "I'm more than just okay, I feel fantastic! I could handle it all by myself; thanks to the tricks that Kuro-sama taught me. Did you see me?"

Kurogane realized that Fai; being the Cheshire Cat once more, just didn't seem to have notice that he had acted like a psychopath just a moment before. No... that idiot actually wanted to be _praised_. The gym teacher was prepared to give an inappropriate answer; now that his brain realized that the idiot was safe and back to normal as relief took over and it came hand-in hand with _'How dare you to scare me like that'_-anger. But before he could open his mouth to release a flood of words – some of them a misplaced synonym for making love – Fai folded his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on the soles of his feet, he said this: "See, I'm not as helpless as Kuro-meanie always claims me to be. This time, I didn't need your protection at all."

Though it was said with mixture of tease and pride, those words struck Kurogane _hard_. It was not just this time, he figured. If the idiot possessed the skill to knock out three opponents within one minute, Fai was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He never needed his protection.

Suddenly, Kurogane felt the last solid bond between them cut through. He felt very silly and useless at that point. His mind focused on the new sensation and the only truth that Kurogane wanted to deny, but with all of his being couldn't.

_'You don't need me.'_

* * *

[**1**] I assume that Fai, Kurogane and Yuui are solely in charge for the middle school classes since Sakura and the Li's seem to be fourteen or fifteen.

[**2**] A little insider. The words mean "Yes, precious" and it's the title of a song by Bodo Wartke, a German piano cabaret singer. In the context of the RPG where Pippa and Daphne come from, I turned him into a vampire singer, because I wanted an alternative to the "Weird Sisters" everyone was referring to. (It's a Hogwarts RPG and the "Weird Sisters" are as far as I know the only band mentioned in the Harry Potter Books.)

[**3**] Though commonly used for girls, Meredith is a unisex name

I'm sorry. Sooo sorry. First, for making you wait that long but I'm currently working on my Master Thesis (removal of phosphorus from waste water with ferric adsorbents and studies on the optimization and regeneration of the adsorbents) and standing in the lab all the time can be a bit of a motivation killer. Not just for writing.

The second thing I have to apologize for the increasing angst in this story. The idea that Fai's ex-boyfriend is a stalker I already added in chapter 3 but it was never supposed to play such an important role, nor did I consider back then to make Fai suffer so much. I had finished reading the novel "Tulips, Chips & Mayonnaise" by Dawn Cairns (which was like a mixture of the typical Cecelia Ahern novel and "Yes Man" by Danny Wallace) so I got the idea. But why the hospital scene?

I needed it to make the relationship between Kurogane and Fai unbalanced. I wanted Kuro realize that Fai needs protection so that he would make it his duty to protect Fai (guilt is a very handy catalyst in situations like that). Thanks to this, the effect of the last scene (which will be continued in chapter 5) is even stronger.

The song that provides the lyrics of this chapter I heard in an amazing episode of Stargate Universe and the lyrics are so incredibly beautiful.


	5. Follia d'amore

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of this story; they belong to CLAMP.

**Warning: **language every now and then… and languages. Other than English, I mean but a translation will be given in the chapter below. Also there's a lot of angst on the way.

**Thanks to:**_TrueDespair _for the beta and her constant interest in the story that kept me writing. I also have to thank _Uakari_ for the inspiration (the little text you recommended really was interesting and it gave me a clear idea where I was **not** going to with this chapter XD) and Mrs. Bonetti, my dear _insegnante,_ for correcting my Italian and for being a lovely and wonderful person in general. I'll miss you.

Also, Lilliane has a little appearance as a side character in this chapter as "Sayuri".

**TrueDespair: **I just have to say that this chapter will make you sad. As said before, angst on the way. Oh and another thing: the twins' names. My god, I have never seen such a unique for them. Points to Leia-san~!

* * *

**5**

** Follia D'amore**

* * *

_Non dipingermi mai, non costringermi mai_

_abbandoniamoci alla soglia della mia pazzia_

_e vedrai un altro me disarmato fragile_

_perché quello che sei_

_non lo cambierei mai._

-Raphael Gualazzi: "_**Follia D'amore**_"

* * *

"Alright!" Fai clapped his hands as Kurogane didn't respond and turned to the female twins. "I think we haven't been properly introduced. My name is Fai, I'm Himawari-chan's teacher and you must be Lexi and Kat. Now… who's who?" He was wearing a grin that could win peoples' hearts, that made one think of cupcakes and frilly aprons and chirping birds; all of the little sweet things in life.

The young lady with the shorter hair tiptoed her way through the accumulation of unconscious youngsters (in the end even Meredith had collapsed or maybe he had fallen asleep from the stress or just pretended to be asleep – this detail was unimportant since the result was the same). She lifted her imaginary skirts; mimicking a curtsey. "Yekaterina Jablonski. I'm a friend of Himawari." She introduced herself. And with a small meandering of her hand, she pointed to her sister. "And this is Aleksa, my younger sister."

"Only our friends call us Kat and Lexi." Aleksa added. "But since you just saved us from god knows what they had in mind, you can consider yourself a friend."

Fai waved off and replied modestly (which was not like him at all) but with a very dramatic undertone (which was _just _like him) "I just did what I had to do. Nothing pains my little heart more than seeing two lovely maids getting hurt." He adumbrated a bow.

"Where is Himawari, by the way?" Kat shyly asked as she looked around.

"Um…" Fai looked at Kurogane, who crossed his arms.

"She's with a friend of mine-"

"_FAI-SENSEI_!"

"-and apparently they caught up with me." The gym teacher finished. The very next moment his image of Fai was blocked as the sunflower girl pretty much flew to the chemistry teacher's side. Her eyes were still red and puffy but she had stopped crying and her concern earned one of the moron's honest smiles as he reassured her that he was okay.

Kurogane still felt useless and out of place though, he was but an observer – allowed to watch and forced not to interact. Someone was tapping lightly on his shoulder. He spared Oruha a short glance (as she smiled and waved in return) and then turned his attention back to the reunion scene.

"So you were on time, huh?" Oruha whispered.

"No. My help wasn't needed." The man answered in a low tone. It was not that he wasn't relieved how things turned out but if the moron didn't need his protection anymore, what was he needed for? Like picking up the chemicals that were on the highest shelf in the school lab? Moving furniture? It was then that he realized that he made it very easy for the moron to leave him behind.

"Well, anyway I'm glad that apparently no one was injured." Oruha said after a few moments of silence.

"Hm." An approving noise came from the man, but it wasn't a thoughtful one.

"Aw… they look so cute~!" Oruha exclaimed in awe; clasping her hands and holding them over her heart.

They _did_. Kat was waving shyly at Himawari, who was fidgeting with her hair; suddenly very aware of how she must look after all that crying. Lexi chuckled at the sight of her nervously happy and blushing sister and the moron had this protective and motherly expression plastered all over his face. Oh yeah, young love that was _oh-so_ sweet and (what was even more important) uncomplicated. Kurogane had never experienced it himself but he always imagined this feeling like having every thought wrapped in cotton candy.

"Whatever. Let's leave."

"You want to leave _now_?" His friend asked.

The man could practically hear the protest in her voice. Not that it mattered either way since now they had just missed the perfect moment to sneak away; unseen and unheard...like a ninja.

He watched how the moron nearly waved his arms off as the group of girls thanked him anew and watched his expression turn from pure delight to puzzled curiosity as the blond turned around and noticed Oruha.

"Oh! Hello, I don't think we know each other, do we?"

The black haired woman chuckled. "No, I don't think so. I'm Oruha."

Kurogane rolled his eyes. He was very aware of the procedure that would follow now. It always started with a handshake…

"I'm Fai. Nice too meet you."

Then they would smile at each other and Fai would instantly like her and she would instantly like him and then they would waste their time on small talk…

"Kurogane already mentioned that he had a friend here with this name."

Including Oruha starting to tell lies about him… wait. _What?_

"Really? He never mentions any friends to me."

Oruha gaped in shock (mockingly or not… it was hard to tell since Kurogane's eyes were still fixed on the moron whose smile grew more and more polite. It was giving the gym teacher the creeps) and slapped her friend on his arm (and in turn Kurogane huffed). "That's because he's an insensitive ruffian who doesn't know better that that."

"Now, now, Oruha-chan, that's not a very nice thing to say. Kuro-sama is a very kind person once we're able to see behind the grumpy attitude. He's just misunderstood. Like a…strawberry." Fai raised a finger in an educational manner, letting out the teacher in him who turned the words into mock-scolding.

It was like watching a play. Kurogane became more and more invisible to them and though both of them made usual conversation; their lines were so weird that the tan man was too puzzled to even yell that he was not a fucking strawberry. And seriously, was he the only one who noticed that Fai wanted to be somewhere else? If they continued this stupid chatter, the blond would burst from faked politeness.

"Why a strawberry?" Oruha asked confusedly.

"Most people think they're fruits but from a botanical view, they're nuts."

'_You're nuts, too.'_ Kurogane added in his head and bit his lip. It was _unnecessarily_ rude but the thought was born from his frustration and the ongoing sensation of being left out. He heard someone say "Oruha, could you give us a second?" and realized it was his own voice. He had no idea what he wanted to discuss with the idiot but he'd be dammed if he let this nonsense spread any further and Oruha was willing to do him that favour. Unfortunately, she chose to make things worse.

"Sure. I will… you know I'll go back to the fair but not too far from here, so you can find me. Take your time."

…

There was a dreadful pause until the young woman was out of hearing range.

Fai watched Oruha leave with his eyes clouded and his mouth slightly open as if he was about to ask a question and Kurogane watched him.

"The fair..." The blond finally said. Those two words were enough to notice the lack of emotion with which they were voiced out. The gym teacher felt his stomach drop. Then it occurred to him that an apology was required.

"Listen, I..." The taller one started but added a small pause to bring his thoughts in order... and honestly how was one supposed to explain? The phrases sounded dull and stupid and – which was the worst part of it – unreasonable, even in his head. "It wasn't my idea." _'…damn.'_ That came out all wrong, like he was hiding behind a girl's back. Even if it was true, he could hardly blame Oruha.

"If I had known that she would want to visit the fair, I wouldn't have turned down your invitation and I would have asked you whether she could join us. And as she told me that she was in the mood to come here I went over to knock on your door but you had already run off, so..." Kurogane could feel his pulse rise up and the tips of his fingers tickled, so he clenched them.

He hoped that the moron wasn't going to ruin this apology (because he was certainly not _repeating_ it, dammit!) by mentioning that this was a lot of 'if' and 'would' for someone who used to say that thinking about what could have been was just a waste of time.

But Fai stared at the ground and sluggishly kicked a piece of dirt. He wrinkled his nose (the way like a rabbit did when it was eating. Kurogane had to admit that it looked rather cute even if he cursed himself for the thought the very minute that it had occurred).

"You could have called."

_'Oh, shit.' _Somehow the gym teacher had never considered this option. Why had he... _'Oh, right. It was because of Oruha and that damn box. Curse that woman and her nosiness.'_ But that was something he could not say. He was an honest person, but things like _"see, I wanted to but I couldn't because that witch found a box under my bed with all the gifts you ever gave me and I didn't want her nor anyone and least you to suspect that I have romantic intentions or whatever this crap is called"_ were just so _dishonouring _that he might have to commit Harakiri as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Yeah. But I knew you would be here and I thought we would meet you here anyway." Kurogane finally said but it sounded even worse, as if he had never cared.

The blond sighed and looked up again, mustering up a reassuring smile... only to pat the taller one's shoulder. "It's okay, Kuro-tan. I know what's going on. I may be an idiot but I'm not stupid and if you rather want to spend your time with her than with me, just say so. I'll understand."

_'Oh, f...'_ The idiot was getting it all wrong. _Of course._ Just because he was a freaking liar he had to assume everyone else was lying as well. The gym teacher growled and decided it was just a waste of time if he tried to talk sense into the other. "Whatever. Doesn't matter anymore. Now that you're here anyway. So..." the black haired man gulped and tried very hard not to blush because the next words were not easy for him to say. "Would you want to join us? If you don't mind that Oruha's around, I mean."

* * *

_'It's okay, It's okay. It's okay.'_

Fai repeated the words in his mind, over and over, trying so hard to believe them. He needed to believe them if he didn't want to burst into tears and crying his heart out thus making a horrible scene. "What about Oruha-san? Won't _she_ mind?" He asked and the little denial kept his voice from wavering, at least for now. _'It's okay. This had to happen one day, right? It's not like I ever expected him to stay alone for the rest of his life. He had to find someone someday.'_

"I think she's dying to get to know you", Kurogane retorted, accompanied by a whiff of annoyance. But Fai thought that it was just the usual Kuro-grumpiness. He could tell that this woman had to be quite close to the man by the way he called her by her first name (this had been quite a shock for Fai) and how she could slap and tease him without Kurogane getting mad at her and for god's sake, _why did he let this witch call him insensitive_? Fai bit his lower lip and thought of an excuse to navigate out of the situation.

Fai didn't want to be near this woman and he certainly didn't want to be reminded that he had waited for too long just by looking at her. She certainly was a nice girl – had to be since Kuro-chan would never choose someone less – but Fai couldn't see that in her. A part of him would always refuse to accept her... just because he was jealous.

"I can't. Thanks to those lovely guys over there..." Fai looked back to the playground, where three of the guys had recovered and tried to sneak away; dragging still knocked out Carrot Head along. "My coat got all dirty." And with that, he tried to brush off some of the brown stains on the beige fabric.

"Oh please, you look just fine. Who cares about your coat?" Kurogane scoffed.

"I do!" Fai said; mock-pouting. That earned him an angry scowl.

"Get changed and come back then, _fashion victim_. And call once you're back so we can find you."

"But..."

"What? Can't take that long, we're not living that far away."

Kurogane was right and Fai knew that. He had no excuses left. So the chemistry teacher gulped and nodded. "Try not to have too much fun without me." He mock-chided, re-establishing once more his smiling mask even if it earned him a growl from his counterpart. He pretended his cheeriness a little too hard, though. He rushed away as waved his arms so enthusiastically that it would out-shine Watanuki's flailing.

All the while he ignored the worry in the gym teacher's expression, who knew something was amiss and who would be so very eager to find out what it was. Fai couldn't handle that, not now, not here and certainly not while he was trying to convince himself that everything was _just fine_.

Even with everything telling him otherwise.

* * *

With an odd feeling (which was either self-consciousness or alertness, he couldn't tell which), Kurogane ambled back to a grinning Oruha. Well, her grin was not a per se visible as she tried to look indifferent with a mere smirk on her lips. But Kurogane just_ knew_ she was grinning inwardly and could feel her struggle with both her curiousness and her need to comment.

"So, that was Fai."Oruha said; twirling one of her curls around her finger and letting it recoil. It was not a question or a statement but a test to see how the gym teacher might react. Kurogane wasn't into mind games and brushed past her; knowing his friend would follow him anyway even if she had to do two of her little lady steps for every step he made.

"Yeah."

"Will he come back?"

"He'll join us later." The man informed her with a small guttural growl that showed impatience.

"_Ah._" She said and this caused a shiver running down the man's spine because it was not the shrugging-off kind of "ah" but it was the _ah, I can see what's going on in that dirty mind of yours_ kind of "ah" that every woman seemed to come up with sooner or later even though it was actually their mind that was in the gutter and they just assumed everyone else's was, too.

Well, Kurogane preferred words he could actually _hear_.

"If you want to say something, just say it and if you want to ask something, ask! But stop this charade before I smack you!"

Oruha remained normal for one or two seconds. Then she had a fit of, well… _fangirlism_. "Oh my god, he's _adorable_! So cute and polite and how can you stand working with him? I'd eat him up alive!"

Kurogane snorted. Cute. Why did they always come up with _cute_? "Yeah, I know you would. Because you don't _know_ him and you haven't spent enough time with him to notice he's a lying, fake-grinning moron who likes to play pranks on people." He didn't mean to bad-mouth Fai like that...or at the very least not what he intended to convey. He just thought if one really wanted to talk about that giddy blond idiot, one had to know some essential basics first. But if he had known that his answer would cause this worried, pitiful look on the young woman's face, he would have kept his mouth shut. He didn't need pity, especially from her who couldn't even manage to keep her jobs as well as her partners.

"Wow. That's bitter; even for you. Did you break up with him or something?"

"Wha- NO! He's just a co-worker. Why do you always suspect relationships when there are none?" Kurogane all but yelled.

"And you're not friends with benefits?" Oruha continued.

"Friends with _what_?" Okay, maybe there they were friends but since Kurogane had no idea what kind of benefits Oruha was aiming at, he made no statement about it.

"You know, it honours you that you don't know the term. Proves that maybe the world isn't as bad as one might think it is. Friends with benefits are…" Oruha lowered her voice as they reached the first attractions of the fair and passed various groups of kids and teenagers whose laughter was a counterbalance to Kurogane's tense attitude. "Two people who are not in a relationship but sleep with each other nevertheless. Basically, you stick to a sex partner but without the restrictions and rules of dating and without commitments."

This made Kurogane stop in his tracks. His eyes widened as he gazed at his friend, flabbergasted. "Why would _anyone_ do that? That's just… that's just…" Hell, he was even lacking words for it.

"Lazy?" Oruha offered. "Cowardish? Well, apparently there are people who think it's important to have a fulfilled sex-life even if they don't have a long-time companion but who don't want to deal with 'One-night stands' and the risk to catch an STD is lower."

Kurogane felt sick to his stomach. Not just because it sounded like she had actually spend a good deal of time pondering about this but because he had to think back on something that was more than a year ago... was it January? It had been winter but the humid, muddy kind, not that it mattered for that particular memory, because... because...

* * *

_It was late at night when the sound of footsteps in the hallway, followed by Fai's cursing had caused him to take a step out of his apartment and take a quick look if everything was alright. The moron had been busy searching for his keys which always disappeared in the depths of his way too big shoulder bags. Fai had showed an apologetic smile along with the question if he had disturbed big Kuro-puppy's sleep and Kurogane – too tired to chase the idiot through the house for bastardizing his name like that – had retorted that no one's sleep would have been disturbed if the moron just slept at his boyfriend's place instead of sneaking home at an ungodly hour to maintain the illusion of not having a boyfriend. It was Saturday, after all; not like they had to go to school tomorrow._

_Thinking of Fai having a boyfriend made Kurogane feel uneasy but the gym teacher chose to think that his weariness was caused by the fact that the moron made such a fuss about hiding it._

"_I can't." The moron whispered and the rummaging gave him an excuse not to look at his neighbour. "It won't feel right and besides, he's not my boyfriend."_

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean, he's not…" The gym teacher blurted out but was cut off._

"_Relax, Kuro-tan." The moron tried to soothe him. He had finally found the keys and faced the taller one with a smile that was half-real and half-pretend (Kurogane was proud that after the _Jason-incident_ as he inwardly called it, he had gotten better in telling the difference between Fai's smiles). "It's just sex, okay. Not like he's responsible for me or anything. I don't want a relationship, anyway."_

_Kurogane was _so_ close to hollering at the moron on how this was a reason to be relaxed when the blond added something that made Kurogane want to hit him._

"_I mean… after what happened last time I wouldn't be so stupid to fall in love again...right?"_

_Oh yeah, he had wanted to hit that idiot hard for even thinking bullshit like that but before his fists could clench Fai had unlocked his door and wished him goodnight. As his pale body disappeared in the black rectangle of his threshold, he left Kurogane alone with his inexplicable anger and the refusal to accept those words._

* * *

Yes, just someone as twisted and broken like Fai would actually consider having a strictly physical relationship (and with a stranger no less) and the gym teacher had to look back with guilt because this little meeting in the hallway had just been the beginning of the worst fight he ever had with the moron...because he had acted like an ass when he'd found out _who_ Fai was sleeping with and the blond fool had kept on bitching around which lead to a little less than a month where they hadn't spoken a word to each other.

Kurogane's face clouded at the retrospect and seeing it caused Oruha – who was unaware of the dark and unpleasant images in her friend's mind – to assume it was her words that had caused this reaction.

"Don't look at me like that! I don't like this whole friends with benefits concept either. From my perspective this behaviour is stupid and a dispensable by-product of the big city life where one doesn't appreciate combining sex and love anymore." Ourha retorted.

"Are you done now?" Kurogane grumbled, crossing his arms and begged that she would just say _yes_ because this was really unpleasant. He hated talking about his emotions and he only wasted time on it if he thought that it was worth it. Thus, he preferred talking about it on his own accord instead of being questioned about it.

"Well, I just don't get it. You apparently possess a box full with memorabilia from this man and you choose to hide it under your bed like it's a dirty little secret which means that you regard your connection to him – whatever it might be – the same way. It's not like you to do that. Usually you're unafraid to tell someone you want to be with him or her but this..." Ourha frowned and shook her head as if she wanted to say _'If you don't stop that, it will tear you apart'_.

"Tch. You know, sometimes I forget that you actually studied psychology before you chose to run away with that military guy. Guess I have to thank him, the last thing the world needs is another shrink." Kurogane commented

That made Ourha chuckle a bit. "Yeah, especially since every one of our old friends chose a medical profession, we two just _had_ to be the black sheep. _The normal ones_. But don't change the subject." She frowned. "What's so complicated about this that it can throw you off your tracks?"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow. How about _Everything?_ Where should he begin? And then again, it was probably _nothing_. Just a series of facts that seemed unimportant to an outsider but every single piece was like the shard of a mirror which summed up to the complex, confusing mess that was Fai's personality. For example Fai was an idiot but at the same time a freaking intelligent person who could make you feel incredibly stupid if he wanted to though he acted like a five year old most of the time.

And then there was this fact that the moron was the most romance-obsessed male he knew but he refused to let anyone close to him except his brother. Not that Kurogane could blame him for the last part. He knew very well why Fai was so damaged, however not blaming and not being bothered about it were two different pair of shoes. The only thing that one could be sure of when dealing with Fai was that there was nothing to be certain of (watching Bollywood movies and having sex without love, just how did that fit together?).

In the end, Kurogane kept those things to himself and brought up the one thing that was most important. "It's nothing in particular, okay. He's just not interested." This and life always got in the way. _Always. _"He is flirting all the time (_just to warn you_), but that's just for fun and because he knows he can annoy the living daylights out of me. It doesn't _mean_ anything."

Oruha pondered; tracing her lower lip with her thumb while doing so. "But... he called you _kind_." She stretched out her hands, palms upward which meant that she thought this was a big deal but the gym teacher missed her point.

"So what?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow.

"It's just that and please don't take this the wrong way...but I know you all my life and 'kind' is the last word to come into my mind if someone were to ask me to describe you. Now that doesn't mean that you can't be nice, you just put a great effort in making people think otherwise. Plus you are insensitive even you hardly intent to be. You have a long list of bad habits and it takes a whole lot of stupidity _or_ love-blindness for anyone to not notice that. And well...he didn't seem stupid to me."

How long did she talk to Fai; like five minutes or so? Kurogane felt insulted that this should weight more than the three long years he was now struggling with the idiot.

"Oh, sure he loves me. Like he loves puppies and singing and cotton candy and it's probably my own fault if I should expect anything more from him than being a pet or a temporal distraction." Wow, did he really sound as cranky and bitchy as he thought he did? After a small pause of consideration, Kurogane added the occasional "fuck" to give his moping a manlier note, yet it changed nothing about the look he received from the woman; so full of misery and pity... she almost looked like she was about to cry.

"Oh, Kurogane, I'm so sorry. I didn't know... that he means _that_ much to you. I can only imagine how painful this must be for you... this really is an all-or-nothing-situation, right?" The woman asked.

"Just stop it, okay?" The black haired man hollered; ignoring the curious looks of other passers-by this caused. This was _his_ problem, his alone and she shouldn't dare to become all sappy and shed tears for his _lost love_ or whatever people liked to call this stupid behaviour. "Just drop the subject and never bring it up again."

"But I can't! I'm a girl, I have to fix it." Oruha protested.

"_Why_?"

For a moment she seemed shocked that he even asked the question. "Because it would make me feel all warm inside if I could." She replied sharp-tongued. "And besides what does it matter? I'm your friend and that's what friends do. Well, what girlfriends do but since you're in love with a man you're as close to being a girl as someone like you could be. So please let me be your fairy-godmother and let me help you getting your prince."

'_Oh, for fu…'_ Hadn't he just told her to shut up? This just turned into the worst conversation he ever had. Never before had he been called a girl. A sword. He needed a sword. _Badly._

"I don't want a-"

"Sht."

"Don't you dare to _'sht'_ me, bitch!" Kurogane yelled which made the people near them jump and flinch. They spared the arguing couple a fearful look before they decided they had somewhere to go. _Somewhere safer_.

"Don't be an idiot, Kurogane. Whatever you tried so far, it didn't work and it wouldn't hurt you to accept a _little _help. It's not a shame to admit that you need advice. You're just human and that means you're not perfect. Nobody is. So, the question you have to ask yourself is: Are you willing to try out everything even if there's just a small chance that you get your man?"

Kurogane wanted nothing more than go home, kick the moron for causing such a buzz and hide in his apartment; locked up and shutting out the world. He wanted a little 'me-time', where there was nothing but silence both in the room and in his head. But the Japanese man knew that even if he could get a little privacy, once that moment was over he had to deal all this crazy shit once more, nothing would change. And he would still want Fai.

The man let out a noise which was something in between a sigh and a growl.

"I'll regret this, won't I?"

* * *

_'It's okay, It's okay. It's okay. I'm alright. He's in love and if she makes him happy, it's okay. Everything's okay as long as he's happy.'_

Fai's thoughts as well as his steps became faster and faster as his mantra was losing its power and he ran the last couple miles back to his apartment block. He jumped up the stairs (taking two steps at the same time) and it was not until he reached the shelter of his own four walls that Fai allowed himself to break down.

He leaned his back on the door that closed after him and let gravity got a hold of his body until he sat on the floor, hugging his knees (his fingernails dug into his skin as he clung so desperately to himself) as his heart was beating fast from the exhaustion. With every beat there was a sharp pain in his chest that grew stronger and kept him from breathing properly until choking sounds escaped his lips, which were joined by the first tears.

Why? Why _now_? And oh, god, the pain didn't stop and it had to stop. How was he supposed to stand for this? He had been through this crap more than anyone else; sometimes he had left lovers and sometimes they had left him but never, **never**, had it been so painful even when he had to say good-bye to his first love which has been the sweetest of all his little love escapades.

Fai had tried so hard never to get his hopes up high because he had known that the chances that he and Kurogane could get together were few so he wasn't supposed to feel so _miserable_, so _betrayed_, so _lost_. Why couldn't he get out of this with the obligatory little heartache and forget the whole thing the next day?

Because it was _Kurogane_. Strong, honest and _kind_ Kurogane who always kept his promises. Of course, someone like Kurogane wouldn't bother leaving just a little crack in his useless and way too big heart. Oh no; he just had to _crush_ it!

All his life, Fai had loved the idea of being in love and he had hoped to find someone who could touch his heart, truly and deeply. And after twenty-eight years of searching all he got was the worst part of it. It wasn't fair. How was he going to go on now? What did he have to do to turn everything back into normal? He had to stop this... before it will drive him crazy.

* * *

Yuui rubbed his temples and tried to ignore the throbbing in the back of his head that was caused by the loud chatter of the two girls sitting behind them. He told himself that he had to endure this only a few more minutes. They had almost reached their destination, maybe just half an hour and they could get out of that bus so he could stretch his legs and get far, _far away_ from those girls. He tried to think positive and focus on the boy who had the seat next to him instead.

"Now, introduce yourself." The cooking teacher instructed.

Syaoron raised an eyebrow. "Why? You know who I am."

"To repeat what you just learned and I can check your pronunciation."

The boy rolled his eyes in a way that said _'geez, we're in a bus, I'm not going to embarrass myself when all the other competitors are around'_ which made Yuui chuckle. "Do I need to remind you that it was your idea?"

"Okay. But don't laugh." Syaoron said.

"Wouldn't dream of it." The blond responded softly.

Syaoron cleared his throat. "_Mi chiama Syaoron. __Sono un ragazzo cinese e sono...sono... _what's 'fifteen' in Italian?"He poked the older one, who just grinned. "Yuui-sensei?"

But his teacher raised his index finger. "_No!_"

The boy gave him a look. "Well, I don't know much about this language but I'm pretty sure that _'no'_ doesn't mean fifteen."

"_In italiano, per favore." _The smile became more genuine.

"You're mean." Syaoron pouted and then tried to recall the phrase his teacher had taught him just a few minutes ago. "_Come se dice _'fifteen'_ in italiano_?"

"_Quindici._"

"_...sono quindici anni,_ no wait... _**ho**__ quindici anni_. Right?" Syaoron asked.

"_Esatto._" Yuui stated; apparently content with his student.

"Yuui, may I ask you a question?" Syaoron placed his hand on his teacher's wrist and squeezed it lightly. This and the informal way of addressing was already enough to make the lean man blush and usually Syaoron would be pleased to see he could cause that so easily. But not today. Today, his expression was intense. "Why did you move to Italy?"

"Um... I wanted to become a cook." Yuui stated; thinking that was somehow obvious.

"I know but..." The student rubbed his neck; knowing what he was about to ask might sound stupid but he felt like saying it nevertheless. "There are some Italian restaurants in France too, right? So, even if you wanted to learn particularly how to cook Italian food, there was no need to travel so far away and Fai-sensei told me that he studied in France, and you used to be so close in school so I wondered..." He struggled with the last words for they might sound a bit offensive.

"You wondered if something happened that made me want to get away from him so badly that I left the country?" Yuui finished for him and though his face displayed this tenderness that made Syaoron feel so stupidly soft inside the brunet lowered his head as if he had been scolded. "I'm sorry. That was a mean question and I had no right..." He broke off as he felt a hand ruffling his hair.

"No, if there's anyone who can ask that question it's you, but I'm not sure if I can answer it. It's not like brother and I had a fight, we just...well...we _changed_." Yuui frowned. He knew that this wasn't much but he didn't want to lie to the boy, yet he couldn't tell the truth either. "Actually, it was just Fai who changed, so maybe you can understand why I can't tell you more because he's your teacher and I'm not sure if you should know things like that about him."

"But aren't you his teacher as well?" A female voice asked from behind. Both of the males whipped their heads to the source of that voice. It was the girl who had the seat behind Syaoron. She was standing now, arms resting on the backrest of the bus seat and her chin resting on her arms.

Her eyes were fixed on Yuui and they had the same colour like the cooking teacher's, but her grin reminded Syaoron more of Fai-sensei. "You just seem to have no problems with him" - she pointed at Syaoron - "knowing anything about _your _past. You're (sorry if I have to say that) too old to be a student as well so you're a supervisor and for reasons of insurance, the supervisors have to be teachers of the team's school. But..." She lowered her voice. "You don't really act like you're _just_ teacher and student. So I recommend you to stop the flirting until you're in your room, if you get what I mean." The girl winked.

...

"Are you related to her?" Syaoron whispered. She seemed to be tall and had not just blue eyes, she was also blond, the colour of her hair just a few shades darker that Yuui's.

"No, I'm not." The blond whispered back.

"I'm Sayuri, by the way." Sayuri's grin was growing wider and wider, trying to catch up with the delight glowing in her eyes and –_ 'Merde!'_ - Yuui realized that she was the last person he wanted to meet in a situation like that: she was a Shounen-Ai fangirl!

Syaoron responded to his distress by lancing his fingers into Yuui's and flashing a smile that was not just forced but aggressive, too. "Hi, Sayuri, I'm Syaoron and I would really appreciate it if you would get your own teacher instead of staring at _mine_." The possessiveness was obvious even if one would have missed Yuui's blush.

Sayuri giggled. "Don't worry; I'm not planning on stealing your _boyfriend_ away."

_'Ohgodohgodshitshitshit.'_ Yuui thought as he wanted nothing more than to bury his body deep in the cushions of his seat. _Boyfriend_. Up to know he had never been confronted with the word (in combination with the status of their relationship, mind you) and he felt uneasy hearing it from a casual bystander.

If Syaoron was his boyfriend this meant that they were officially in a relationship and if they were in a relationship they had to... Syaoron would want to go further than just the occasional peck on the lips and oh crap, he was getting a migraine and -

_~C'est pas ma faute... e quand je donne ma langue au chat..._

- And his cell phone was ringing.

Yuui wiggled his hand free from Syaoron's determined, almost iron grip (the brunet was still staring daggers at the girl) and while he searched for the little device in the depths of his back-pack, Yuui could even hear Sayuri say: "_Alizée_? Really?"[**1**]

Yuui flashed her a half-angry look as to say that he would like a bit of privacy,_ thank you very much_.

Sayuri understood and raised her hands defensively before she sank back into her seat. (This earned Yuui an appreciating whistle from Syaoron.)

The man plugged a finger into the ear that was not occupied by his cell phone to block out the noise from the students in the bus. "Hello, Yuui de Fluorite speaking." He said. _Silence_. "Fai, I've seen your name on the display and I can hear you breathe so if this is a prank call-" Yuui cut off as he heard his brother sniffle from either having a cold or being sad.

Knowing his brother who usually had the immune system of a polar bear, Yuui guessed for the latter one. "Fai?" Still, no response except for some quiet sobbing that was interrupted by choking noises. "Brother, are you alright?" The cooking teacher could feel Syaoron's stare on him and knew his words had sounded slightly panicky.

"**H-he..."**

Oh, good. He was at least trying to talk. "Who, brother?" Yuui asked softly; encouraging his twin to continue.

"**I can't do that, Yuui, I can't!"** Fai suddenly cried out and the other Fluorite flinched. **"I really tried to tell him but he... HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!"**

The home economics teacher could feel a chill creeping in his bones. There was no need to ask who 'he' was once again as there was only one person that Fai could mean. _'But that's impossible._' Yuui thought. _'I was so sure that he would return brother's feelings, why should he date a girl now?_'

"Are you sure she's his girlfriend?" Yuui asked as his hand clutched at the cell phone. He figured that maybe it was his fault, maybe he had misinterpreted something. And if he had urged his brother to confess his love because he had seen a sign that wasn't there – Yuui couldn't stand the idea.

"**You should have seen them. He was so silent when she was around and not angry at all and he called her by her first name and Yuui, what am I supposed to do now? How am I going to keep up with a GIRL?"**

A girl was bad. No, a girl was the worst nightmare for someone in Fai's position, because... well, a heterosexual relationship was easier in many ways; like it wasn't considered 'unnatural' and it was easier to start a family… not that Yuui had ever talked to Kurogane about his family plans. "Hey now. Don't give up just because you don't have breasts."

"**IT'S NOT HER BREASTS I WORRY ABOUT; IT'S HER FREAKING OVARIES!"** Fai snapped.

'_Oh dear, brother's getting more than just a little bit hysterical_.' Yuui felt his face getting very hot because he had the feeling that Syaoron had heard every word. He waited until he heard quiet sobbing again."Fai, that doesn't change the fact that... did you even tell him? Because if you didn't then it's even more important that you do it now. Before it's too late." Yuui had to admit that he had no idea when it was too late to interfere in a relationship but it didn't matter because he could hear his plea being drowned in a sea of excuses. "Really, you know I would do anything to help you but I don't know the details and Fai, I'm so sorry but I have to keep an eye on the kids, and I have this organizational stuff to do…"

"**...I see. Right. Sorry that I've bothered you like that."**

"Maybe you should call mother." Yuui knew without seeing that his brother froze at those words. And the stiff "**How is **_**she**_** supposed to help me?", **affirmed his presumption.

"I don't know but she was the only one whose advice you always followed. And even if she can't help you, talking to her might distract you. Besides, I think she will be glad to hear from you, I mean when was the last time you talked to her? Please, you could do that much for me."

Silence again though this time, it was a thoughtful one. Yuui considered it as a good sign since he couldn't hear Fai sobbing anymore.

"'**Kay. Maybe I should try that. Thanks and bye, Yuui."** And then there was a clicking noise as Fai hung up.

The cooking teacher sighed and frowned as he let the cell phone disappear in the pocket of his pants. Just what the hell was going on at the school? Whatever it was, his older twin seemed to be in a state where only a big hug and a pot of steaming hot chocolate could really help him and it was bothering Yuui that he could provide neither.

"Yuui?"

The blond didn't seem to hear anything as he was still dealing with the thought that he had just tried to replace Fai's current trouble by putting the finger onto old wounds.

"Yuui, it's okay. You can't always help him and there are things Fai-sensei has to figure out alone. It's no use if you're getting down because of that." Syaoron tried to pat his shoulder but the blond shoved the hand aside, only half aware what this might do to the poor boy.

Yuui scowled at him because Syaoron had _no_ idea how Fai used to be just a few years ago. What he had _turned _into… their mother had always loved Fai more and Yuui had pretended not to notice it because Fai was so much more depending on reassurance, so much more hungry for a little bit of human touch. Still, even as their mother had tried to give him as much as she could; it wasn't enough.

He blinked as someone boxed his shoulders lightly. Apparently, Syaoron wouldn't let himself be ignored but before the brunet could open his mouth to give another piece of advice that Yuui didn't want to hear, the cooking teacher quickly answered."Can't we just go back to the Italian lessons?"

He could see the youngster grit his teeth. He was upset and he had every right to but Yuui needed a distraction now.

"There's no need to." The Li-twin informed him, the hands (now carefully placed on his legs) clenching into fists. It seemed as if his student was not fond of the subject change.

"Why…" The blond started but was interrupted as…

"_Sono __qui__. Ti voglio aiutare, ma non posso se non mi dici come. Voglio dire… sono il tuo ragazzo, o no? Pùoi fidarti di me._" The boy said; exposing an amount of Italian vocab he wasn't supposed to have unless-

He had lied. It was as easy as that, the boy had made him believe he knew little to nothing about the Italian language, because… well, whatever reasons he had. Yuui gaped. He knew he should be angry, but was too distracted by the meaning of the words that slowly sunk in. _I'm __here__. I want to help you but I can't if you don't tell me how. I want to say… I'm your boyfriend, or not? You can trust me._

'_Yes…'_ Yuui had to agree. There was not much use in denying it, after all they had met incredibly often the last few weeks and even if Yuui hated the concept of dates, it was what those meetings really were: they had been dating. And they had shared some inappropriately long kisses and… it was time to go one step further (not on a physical level, though. That part still scared the hell out of Yuui even though he tried not to let it show).

The thing was...Yuui's experiences about relationships were few. He had had one 'real' girlfriend – maybe two if being seduced by your piano teacher did count as an relationship – but that had been fourteen years ago and she hadn't treated him fairly so it was no surprise that he sometimes forgot the finer but more important things that belonged to a relationship. And he wanted Syaoron to know him just like he wanted to get to know his dear student in return.

"I'm sorry." The cooking teacher said; exhaling deeply and letting his slender body sink deeper in the cushions of his seat, running a hand through his loose strands and shoving them out of his forehead. They fell back into place almost immediately. "Of course I trust you. But I'm not sure if I can tell you anything because...well...it's about Fai and I don't feel comfortable with giving away private things. Especially not the kind of things he's trying to hide."

"I understand and accept that but I wasn't asking you to tell me Fai-sensei's problems. I want to know why it's troubling you so much. You seem to blame yourself for not being able to help him but that's something that can't be helped now and it's not healthy to keep on brooding over it."

"I know."

"Then why-"

"He wasn't always like that." Yuui interrupted, his eyes wandering to meet the amber ones of his boyfriend's. "There was a time… I think it started a few weeks after we finished school. We had to make some serious decisions about our future and we both knew that this meant that we could spend less time together. I wanted to make an apprenticeship to become a cook and Fai knew he wanted to study; he was just indecisive about what to study. All we knew was that we wanted to stay together no matter what and Fai proposed that we could stay home, in Marseille, so that mother wasn't alone. And then…"

Yuui shrugged and tried to smile but to Syaoron he looked even sadder so the boy wrapped his hand around his boyfriend's; reassuring the man without words that it was okay to do that, to talk even if it would hurt a little bit. "…they say that studying is the best time of your life, you know. That it's just one big party and Fai – I don't know a better way to say this but he became greedy when it came to living. Not in a material way, but he just wanted it all. He never missed a lecture or a seminary, he always did his homework, passed his exams with the best marks and I have no idea how he was able to do all this regarding the fact that he was out every night. Sometimes he sneaked back home at 2 a.m. and sometimes he chose to stay the night at a fellow student's place. Mom and I rarely saw him and when we did he was always busy or on the go. It was like someone took him and dropped him in an ocean of new acquaintances and the waves of that ocean kept on dragging him farther away from us. I knew this wasn't good, that something about his behaviour was… _unhealthy_ but as often as I tried to speak with him, my words hardly reached him."

Yuui didn't mention the fact that Fai had basically been running on coffee and tobacco to substitute the sleep he was lacking. He also never mentioned that during the first two years of his academic studies, Fai had a new boyfriend every second month or so; always enthusiastic that this time he had found _the one_ but Yuui had been able to tell that this was a lie his dear brother told himself to soothe his conscious, to tell himself that he was not a-

Well, a slut. (Not that anyone ever accused him of being one regardless how concerning his life-style was).

Yuui had never been mad at Fai for letting go. He thought that he knew why his brother had lost control. Fai had tried a little too hard to enjoy life because he had tried not to become like their mother. Maybe in his own way he had wanted to show her that it was possible to have fun _and_ a career but Fai had failed because in the end, he had been worse like their mother. The people he spent so much time with never meant much to Fai while Yuui and Freya only got to see him twice in a week.

"When I realized that all my efforts were in vain, I did the worst thing of all. I left. I knew it wasn't right but I couldn't stand to see him like that – so close and still impossible to reach out to – so when my apprenticeship was over I moved to Italy to work in a little restaurant which would finally become _my_ restaurant… but that's not important for now. What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad that I'm the one now whose advice he's seeking. Even if it's just a small problem, I don't care. I was unable to help him when he needed me the most and I won't let this happen again."

Yuui could feel Syaoron's thumb stroking the back of his hand and all of a sudden the brunet let his head sink on his shoulder, which was his way of showing that he wanted to comfort his older boyfriend. Given other circumstances Syaoron might give him the hug that Yuui needed but they were still in a bus and there were almost forty people from different schools around, so they had to be careful how much of their relationship they displayed in public.

"Yuui, can I ask you another question?" The Chinese murmured; sounding slightly sleepy… or thoughtful, it was hard to tell.

"Sure."

"Just a few minutes ago you said to Fai-sensei that he had always listened to your mother's advice. So why was it your job to change Fai-sensei's mind back then? Why didn't she interfere?"

Yuui bit his lip. He would have liked to rest his chin on Syaoron's head and would have liked to cuddle him close as if to say 'but don't you get down because of my worries now, okay?' but right now and here he _couldn't_. Maybe they would find time for a little privacy later.

"That's not the only thing you would want to know, right?" Yuui asked. If the boy had noticed this little discrepancy, there was no way that he missed the more obvious problem.

"Um… I do. But I wasn't sure if I could – just – Why is Fai-sensei so _averse_ into calling your mom?"

"Syaoron, our mother is not what one might think of when one hears the word 'mother'. That's not to say that she was a bad parent, but she is not an easy person and there are a lot people who can't handle her attitude. Which means that it's hard to tell what she's feeling. The person who was closest to figure her out was Fai, which was also the reason why… he wanted to change her, you know. She was a good mother in her own way and she knew us like the back of her hand. When things got tense, she kept me from doing the wrong things and whenever I seemed to loose my patience with my brother she helped me understand him. I can clearly remember the day when I had to find out that my brother is… you know… into guys. I was so confused and upset because I wasn't told by Fai but my girlfriend – who was also the sister of Fai's boyfriend – and if it had not been for my mother, I would have handled the situation all wrong. She always had an eye on us but unfortunately she was not the kind of mother that Fai needed. She never scolded us but she barely praised us either. She was never good with showing her affection and she was intimidating; yet Fai was convinced that there was a softer side on her that only had to be awakened. I assume he was right – there was a level of understanding between them that made me feel like the odd man out sometimes – but that would mean he never reached that part of her. Maybe he stopped trying one day. Maybe it was because I left, that I was some sort of buffer for their contradictory personalities-"

Yuui broke off as he heard a half-amused chuckle. However, the expression that accompanied the sound was far from amusement.

"Sorry." The boy said."I just thought that you and Fai-sensei aren't so much opposites as I first thought." Yuui furrowed his brows at that but no explanation followed, just two little words barely as loud as a sigh. "_Mi piaci_."

Two words, nothing more but they chased away all the agitated memories and filled Yuui with the stupid belief that everything would turn out alright – for him and for Fai and Kurogane-san. If this was the power of _I like you_… what more could _I love you_ achieve?

"I like you, too." The blond man whispered but his smile seemed a little forced as his attention was focused on something else. "Anyway, Syaoron I wonder if you might be so generous now to tell me since when you're learning Italian and why you thought it was necessary to make me teach you the basics nevertheless."

"Ksht, Yuui; you're ruining the moment." Syaoron said with a half-smile.

Before the cooking teacher could voice out any complaints, the bus came to a halt as they arrived at the competition area.

* * *

In Norse mythology, Freya was a goddess associated with love, beauty, fertility, gold, war and death. Freya was also the mother of two daughters.

Fai's Freya had some in common with the mythological one; she was rich, had an ageless beauty with her hair the silver-blond colour of starlight and her eyes, the colour of chocolate. She knew how to fight and her strongest weapon were her words, sharp as the blade of the scalpel which was Freya's most loved working tool. And with the same precision that it acquired to cut off a tumour that wrapped itself around a little girl's heart, she used to remove all the bad influences from Yuui's life because Yuui bruised easily and therefore had to be protected.

Yes, Yuui had to be protected – this was the one thing Fai and Freya had always agreed on; disregarding all the other obstacles they had yet to manage. Fai loved her but he couldn't stand being with her anymore or talking with her. The last time he had seen her was a few weeks after his last unfortunate meeting with Jason, when the doctors had finally allowed him to go home. Bones had been healed, bruises had vanished and the worst remaining damage was the one on his ego, which was why the chemistry teacher had urged Yuuko-sensei not to inform any members of his family (with the great excuse that they were all living in different parts of the earth) but the thing was: the name "de Fluorite" caused always a little buzz in the medical area of society, and as soon as they had figured out that he was indeed the son of the one and only Freya the Fluorite it was only been a matter of time until the information was passed over to her and before Fai could help it, his mother was already sitting in her private jet, ready to cross half of the world just to check up on him, to make sure he had everything he needed.

Well, his mother had never been an easy person to begin with and within the week that she stayed at Fai's place she had managed to piss off poor Kurogane (who had been a real darling before, at least for his standards), drag him to furniture shopping tours to replace the parts of his furnishings that had been broken and together they had emptied a bottle of wine every evening; talking about what had happened so far.

Truth be told, it had been Freya who did all the talking while Fai had preferred to stare into his glass and leave a remark every now and then. When she had finally left, Fai had felt even more exhausted than before her visit.

Fai didn't want to call her; he still thought that 30 months of recovery weren't enough to face her just yet. He had wanted to explain that to Yuui but that meant that he had to tell his brother as well that he had been beaten up badly… and this was something Yuui was not supposed to know, because Yuui had to be protected and because Yuui would not understand why Fai tried to keep all the bad things away from him.

Disregarding his own aversion, Fai would call his mother nevertheless because Yuui had asked him to. And there was something good about it as well; he had stopped crying and hyperventilating, now that he had a task to focus on. The chemistry teacher picked himself up from the floor and scuffled to his phone in the living room. He dialled her number (which had never changed in all those years and would never change unless maybe his father decided to kick her out of the mansion… yeah, as if _that_ would ever happen) and listened to the tone.

Seconds passed by that felt like eternity but he knew it would take some time until she would get to the phone, she was probably sleeping, or showering, or dancing in the entrance hall just like he remembered her-

"_Bonjour, you have called the number of the Fluorite Mansion. This is Freya speaking but I can't answer the phone because I'm probably messing around in someone's chest right now…"_

Listening to her voice from the answering machine shattered any hopes of whose existence Fai hadn't been aware of. It was not like he had expected her to be any help; no, his mother was a cardiologist which meant that she knew everything about hearts but hardly anything about feelings. But hearing her voice on the phone, with that little stiff accent of hers which was interesting when she talked English and very out of place when she talked French since she had trouble with the sheer _softness_ of the pronunciation-

"…_Leave a message after the Beep and I'll call you back…"_

-was it possible to stand someone you love only when this person was far away? Fai's eyes started to tear up again as he was flooded by sudden nostalgia and disappointment; which caused only more nostalgia.

"… _unless it's you, Pierre. For the last time; I won't sign those stupid documents."_

This wasn't fair. Today he had been forsaken by two of the three people he cared about most when he had really needed them but she- _she was his mother, for god's sake! _Of course she was busy, of course she saved lives all day but he never bothered her and once he wanted to call her because he was having the worst day in his life and she wasn't available? She had always been there when he needed her even before he knew he would need her and now?

As he heard the familiar _BEEP_, Fai clutched to the handset and over the silence he could hear his blood rushing in his ears.

"Hi, _maman_. It's me, Fai." The blond said and before he could help it, his tongue moving on its own accord. "I'm having a really shitty day and I could need a hug but Yuui's out of town and I just had the stupid idea that it would be wonderful if you could act like a real mother just for once and come over to give me a little comfort. Stupid, huh?"

He tried not to sob (his mother was Finnish and the Finnish were people who didn't say "I love you", so sobbing was certainly not appreciated [**2**]) and gulped instead. _Why, why, why? _Why was everyone he loved turning their backs on him? Why did he always end up alone? Kuro-chan was dating a girl, Yuui's thoughts circled around Syaoron-kun for the major part of the day and his mother… well, she had always been married to her work more than to his father. And it wasn't her fault that he was living on the other end of the world. _Oh shit_, what was he even _doing_ here?

His self-loathing induced monologue was suddenly cut off as he could hear a _click _on the other end. Someone has picked up the receiver. Soft chuckling was heard and a tender man's voice that followed. "Now, if this isn't my favourite ex-student. Hello, Fai-kun."

'_That isn't… It can't be…'_

But it was him. The master of the mass spectrometer. King of Lab 213 of the Institute of Analytical Chemistry. His tutor, his friend and the closest thing to a father he ever had.

"Hello, Ashura-san." Fai replied weakly.

* * *

Lyric Translation:

_Don't ever portray me, don't ever force me_

_Let's lose ourselves in the threshold of my madness_

_And you'll see another me, a fragile, a disarmed one_

_Because what you are_

_Will never change, no_

* * *

Some of you – the ones who have watched the Eurovision Song Contest – might know this song with its English title ("Madness of Love") It's been 14 years since Italy had last participated in the Contest and they almost won, which I think is great. And, sorry Azerbaidjan, but this song is far better than "Running scared" even though Mr. Guallazzi's voice was a bit annoying. But the lyrics, oh the lyrics. I cried when I found the English translation because it's so beautiful.

Now, if you live in Canada and you want to do me a real big favour, please abduct Michael Bublé and make him sing this song. XD

Coming up next chapter: A travel back in time where we'll have a good look at Fai's childhood.

[**1**] The song's "Moi Lolita" by Alizée and the only reason why I chose it for Yuui's ringtone was its incredible girlishness. XD And it was one of the few French songs I remember. I also doubt that Yuui has this ringtone on purpose... so blame it on Fai. Btw – the word 'merde' that appears earlier is French, not Italian. The Italian word for shit is 'merda'.

[**2**] As far as I know there are words for "I love you" in Finnish but they don't say it, for reasons I don't know. This seems a bit cold to me. And since Freya is the only Finnish person Fai knows, it may be convenient to blame her nationality for being so… short-spoken.


	6. The Sons of My Mother

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of this story; they belong to CLAMP.

**Warning:** this chapter may cause you to bury yourself in the books and movies of your childhood. … I know I should probably not waste an entire chapter on this but as soon as I started to explore the core of Fai's nature and why he became what he is, things kinda got out of control. Even more so since I'm currently exploring the main influences of my own childhood and I've been reading quite an amount of fairy-tale-ish books (Among them was Cornelia Funke's _Reckless _and I'm currently reading_ Ink Blood_).

**References:**

_From the Princess Fantaghiró movies_ - the white knight and Prince Romulado. This White Knight is _not_ the typical white knight in armor, galloping on his horse to save the day and win the princess. No, this White Knight is actually the guy who jumps in to teach the princess how to fight for herself. This White Knight is… the friend when you're in need and he can appear in many forms. And Prince Romualdo is not just any prince, he is _the_ prince. Fantaghiró's prince. A young man with a boyish face but manly facial hair who falls in love with a pair of eyes and finds himself puzzled when he recognizes those eyes in a Count's face. Then he tries manically to prove that the Count is a woman, so he can marry her.

_Music_ – this time I didn't use lyrics for the beginning chapter but a quote from a book, neverless there appear some lines of several songs every now and then, so I'll just name the artists here in the order of appearance: Pat Benatar, Florence and the Machine, KT Tunstall, Brooke Fraser, Emiliana Torrini

**Beta: **TrueDespair

**[TrueDespair: Leia** has picked the _worst_ time to send this beauty over to me. It's Thanksgiving and I had the whole afternoon to myself to check this over. XD You guys should be thankful for that. Anyway, Fai and Yuui's mom kinda sounds like _my mom_. Which is eerie but kind of true at the same time. Not to spoil it much up here but be assured, this chapter ends on a positive note…more or less. Want to know why? Read it, of course! XD

As always, **Leia**'s added something at the end of the chapter; be sure to check it out.

Enjoy. ^_^**]**

* * *

**6**

**The Sons of My Mother**

* * *

"_I'd experienced joy, but not nearly enough, could there be enough? The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering, what a mess I am, I thought, what a fool, how foolish and narrow, how worthless, how pinched and pathetic, how helpless."_

Jonathan Safran Foer- "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close."

* * *

Once upon a time there was a woman with delicate, pale hands and the grace of a goddess. She grew up like a princess. She was beautiful like a diamond and just as sharp-edged and hard. Her touch was a rare gift that saved lives and this work was the only thing that mattered in her life.

And then she gave birth to her sons.

_Mother._

There was no title that seemed less fitting for someone like her. But there they were, two shy princes with clear sky-blue eyes, tripping into her perfectly organized world, giggling, reaching out for her. Begging her to read a bedtime story and to bake a cake.

_Mommy loves me._

She never knew why her little boys had this certainty but it was written all over their faces; a trust that she thought she did not deserve, for the time she spent with them was short. Her life was ruled by white coats and rubber gloves along with wine, cigarettes and coffee. And her sons from time to time. She knew that she would never be world's best mother but she decided that there was one gift that only she could give them: the freedom of choice. It was not enough to make up for the love she could feel, but cannot express in a way her sons could understand it. Nevertheless it was _something_.

And then the spark in one of her pretty dear prince's eyes disappeared and was replaced by something like pain or misery or even helplessness; emotions that no seven year old boy should know or even feel. He started to cause trouble in school and started to slowly drift away from her. How could she have reached out for him with those delicate hands which were meant to fix people but not to hold children? How could she have held him in a tight embrace close to her chest? She was the Snow Queen after all (everyone had said so) and she was afraid that her coldness might sink into his skin and would freeze his tiny, fast beating heart like she had stopped her own so many years ago.

So she just watched and hoped that at least his brother might save him… but it was already too late. He turned into someone just as lonely as herself. He was unable to love but tried it nevertheless, tried it so hard but it was in vain. In the end it was all fake because how should he know what love was when he had never experienced it in a mother's touch?

Freya de Fluorite had two sons and she was proud of them. They were both as intelligent as their mother and they had inherited the manners as well as their talent for arts and words from their father. Unfortunately, they were both damaged (Yuui's problems less visible than Fai's but nevertheless present). And it was _her_ fault.

* * *

"She's still sleeping." Ashura announced; answering an unspoken question.

"Oh. Um... I suppose, I could call later..." Fai offered half-heartedly as soft laughter was heard.

"Are you kidding me? If she finds out that you called – which she will, I have no idea how she does that but she always knows – and I didn't let her talk to you, she'll kill me. She can be a bit strange when it comes to you boys. Besides, she could use something to cheer her up. Your father is giving her a hard time, lately."

'_Right_,' The blonde thought. _'There had been a message on the answering machine...'_

_[...Unless it's you, Pierre. For the last time I won't sign those documents.]_

Fai hadn't realized that he hardly thought about his father... less thought about him as Pierre, so the meaning of the message had slipped his mind. "She still doesn't want to get divorced?"

"Well, what do you think?"Ashura asked and in the background Fai could faintly hear footsteps, as his former professor seemed to walk. Probably went to some other part of the house to wake Freya up. What Fai was thinking was that Ashura sounded a bit hurt about the whole matter.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with you." Fai tried to reassure the man. "That's just who she is. She probably thinks if she's giving in, father has won. Whatever fight they are fighting; it's the same ordeal. It's been like this since I can remember."

"I know, I know. I shouldn't be jealous about it, but I can't help it. Listen, Fai, would you mind..."

"I'll try to bring the subject up."

* * *

Freya.

It was the name of a goddess; Fai had known that since he was very little. He knew that it was his _grandpère_ who had told him about it… his father's father. _Grandpère_ used to tell him and Yuui stories how father and mother had come to know each other and he told the twins about the time when their father was still a kid. As if the stories could make them forget the fact that they hardly knew father; that he was just a gentle, laughing stranger who showed up from time to time. Father was warm and kind, a man with a big heart and the wish to bring peace to the world, a restless wanderer. That was what the twins knew about him. Mother on the other side was always there, every single day, watching but never judging and always cold.

_The name of a goddess_.

When Fai was four years old (an age when every child worshiped his or her mother), he believed that his mother was indeed a goddess. It made perfect sense. It explained her unearthly beauty; hair that was so delicately silver blond that it seemed to have spun from starlight and eyes that had the amber color of whiskey (Fai knew what whiskey was because mother used to drink it when she had one of her 'dancing days'. Whiskey was liquid fire and only a goddess could stand to drink something like that). It had also explained why he could not imagine her being a young girl and why nobody ever told him stories about his mother's childhood. Because gods were just as old as the earth and she had never been young to begin with and she would grow never old and would never die.

Fai liked that because he was terribly afraid of Death and mother had told him that she fought this terrifying monster every day. He also liked how mother used to say that he and Yuui were born because she had wished so. It made him feel like they were just her children (_not_ father's at all), like mother had one day molded them from the moonlight shining into her bedroom with her delicate, life-bringing hands and had picked pieces of the sky for their eyes and had caught breezes to make them their souls and with a wisp of mother's breath, they had come to life. Mother was a goddess, there was no doubt about that and that was why he and Yuui could not dare to touch her, because they were growing and aging and this meant they were mortal.

_Mortals_ were not allowed to touch the gods.

Freya was always _mother_, sometimes _maman_. But she was never _mommy_.

When Fai was six years old he understood that Freya was not a goddess but only a half-god in white, which was what people called the doctors. This explained why he was sometimes so scared of her and why she was so cold because doctors were the men and women who hurt little children like him to make him healthy and one had to be a very cold-blooded person to intentionally hurt a child.

When Fai was seven years old he collided with a glass door. He ran against it with the supernatural speed and sugar-high energy that only a kid could have and at first he failed to notice what was wrong. The world suddenly stopped as it hit him and then it _cracked_. And the next thing he remembered was the pain; sharp and tickling on his skin and thousand needles stinging his eyes. He remembered Yuui _shrieking_. And then everything went red and then black and white at last. Snow White's own colors. He then remembered waking up in a bright white room with mother by his side, calm and pale as usual and Yuui was there too; always sobbing. Mother told him that he had had a surgery while he was sleeping and that she took care of all of his wounds personally.

She had fixed his cuts and rinsed his eyes from the tiny pieces of glass but unfortunately, the sight of his left eye would never be quite the same. Fai asked if this meant that he would need glasses. "Not if you don't want to." Freya replied and gave him a kiss on his injured eye which was all wrapped in gauze. It was the only time she ever kissed him and he hardly felt her lips but he smelled his mother's scent; a mix of antiseptics, cold smoke and a sweet perfume which was slightly synthetic but soothing and pleasant. Later he would recognize it as Betty Barclay's _Woman No.1._ [**1**]

While young Fai was in hospital, he heard someone call his mother the Snow Queen. Not to her face, of course, grown-ups seldom said all the mean things to the persons they were aimed at. It was a nurse and she whispered those nasty, nasty words to another nurse that was supposed to look after him. They thought he couldn't hear them because it was the middle of the night and he pretended to sleep (he was already very good at pretending, acting and making up. He did all those things to keep his mind busy when his throbbing left eye kept him from sleeping).

"I heard that she insisted on operating him herself!" The nasty one said. "And that she never flinched when she saw him and she cried not a single tear. What kind of mother would do that? If it was my child, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking! I assume it's true of what the other doctors say – that she's a heartless witch." (The word the nurse used was actually _bitch_ but Fai had never heard of this word before so he was sure that she was too stupid to pronounce _witch_ correctly. Nasty people were always stupid.)

"That doesn't surprise me at all!" The nurse who was in charge for Fai replied. "She ordered that the boy shouldn't get anything for the pain. Even ibuprofen is forbidden for him. It's a miracle that the poor little lamb can sleep at all. What kind of mother would do that?"

And so on, and so on. Their constant _'What kind of mother'_-babble only proved what he already knew; that Freya de Fluorite was not like every other mom; she was very special.

Fai was a little boy who loved reading fairy tales and he knew the story of the Snow Queen very well. His mother could not be the Snow Queen because in the book the Queen had kissed Kai to make him forget Gerda and his home and Kai had felt all cold inside. Fai's mother had kissed him and he felt just the same, he still knew where his home was (Marseille) and the people he cared about (Yuui and mother and _grandpère_ and Elise, their nanny. Father he forgot but that meant nothing for he always forgot to mention father). His mother was no witch either because she always wore white clothing and there was no such thing as a White Witch.

* * *

"Okay, hold on for a minute." Ashura said. "I'm going to enter the lion's den."

_The lion's den_ was the unofficial term for Freya de Fluorite's bed room because no one – not even the house servants – were allowed to enter. This room was her fortress, her sanctuary when she needed to be alone or get some precious sleep.

The room was hers entirely; this was how Fai remembered it to be and he doubted that his mother's need for privacy had ceased even now that the other side of her bed was occupied.

When Fai was seven and a half years old he found out that there was not just one White Witch but at least two. There was the White Witch of the _Princess Fantaghiró_ movies that could turn into a mouse or a goose or a knight if needed but this witch was kind and wore a strange puffy dress so his mother certainly wasn't _that_ witch as well. And then there was Jadis, the last Queen of Charn which entered Narnia and made the land suffer from a never-ending winter. Jadis made Edmund betray his siblings by offering Turkish delight and Fai's mother loved to eat Turkish delight so maybe…

The night when Fai realized that he might be the son of Jadis herself, he did something neither he nor Yuui had ever been allowed: he crept into his mother's bed while she was sleeping. Her breath was slow and steady; her skin was warm and as he laid down his head on her chest he heard the most beautiful sound of the world: the strong beating of a heart. Fai was still not sure if his mother was Jadis or not (and this worry would stick into a corner of his own heart for years and years to come).

'_But even if she is a witch.'_ He figured. _'She is not a heartless one.'_

* * *

He was glad to know that his mother had finally found someone, Fai figured as he listened to the momentary silence. Someone who would look after her and who would remind her to eat when she forgot (she barely ate at work and was too tired to make dinner when she finally got home), someone who could not be chased away by her straight-forwardness and her 'work and children first'-attitude. Ashura was just the right man for that; he was patient with everyone and so very gentle and caring. Also very intelligent. Maybe Ashura and Freya were not the kind of couple where one would think 'Oh, they're _so_ meant for each other' but one had to be blind not to see that they were surely good for each other.

They bore Fai's highest hope; if his mother had found someone that could make her happy, then he should be able to find his luck, too. So he had never stopped believing. He had only stopped to try so hard to find that person.

"Fai?"

"I'm still here."

"Good. I was able to wake her up but she's still a bit tired. And she hadn't had her first coffee. So don't push. And don't get down when she becomes mean, she-"

"-doesn't mean it." Fai finished the sentence. By now, he had strolled to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. This could take a while. "I know, Ashura. I know _her. _I grew up with her._"_

The older man laughed. "Right."

Even though they never realized or cared when they were young, Fai and Yuui were the sons of two people with very vivid and fast minds. Freya de Fluorite was a cardiologist (the twins learned that word when they were eight and nearly knotted their tongues to voice it out loud) while their father Pierre worked as a diplomat. It seemed that Fai and Yuui had inherited only the best abilities and since mother's family, the Janssens, were rich and had influence (lawyers and politicians and physicians were to be found in their bloodline) Fai and Yuui got to explore all of them. Freya made sure that they tried out every kind of sport and art that came to her mind and when they showed interest, she'd hired a private teacher or searched for a club that provided courses.

This way, Freya wanted to know their sons a little better and was especially interested in the things they had not in common. She wanted to make them realize that even though they shared a room and a face and their DNA ,they were still individuals. As it turned out their interests were pretty much the same but Fai's interest was fluctuant in its nature. At first he wanted to do everything at the same time and then he had no interest in doing anything at all and hid his pretty face behind a book. Yuui on the other hand was afraid to try something new and listened to the opinion of his brother before he made a decision… but when he started a new hobby, he would stick to it.

Fai tried sketching and painting but he was averse to the idea of actually _learning_ how to do it. He had an eye for details and a hand to draw what he had in mind so why should he bother with art history and styles and materials? He also tried various instruments like the guitar (which was fun because it was easy), the violin (but he dropped that soon enough for the only sounds he could get out of the cursed thing was a screeching noise like the shrieking of a burning cat) and the piano. Yuui soon followed his brother's example so they had piano lessons together and then they joined their school's choir and the drama club. They also tried archery but Fai soon got frustrated about the little process he made due to his bad left eye, so he tried ballet lessons instead.

They were young, rich and talented and felt like the world was theirs but perception was not just a gift, it could also turn into a curse when one started to notice things that were better left undiscovered. And the most important lessons they were taught by life, like the fact that happiness had its price.

Fai and Yuui agreed that they liked it best when mother had one of her '_Dancing Days'_. She then offered the twins to join her in the entrance hall of the mansion and mother would get her little boom box and turned the volume up really loud and then they _danced_. In a way that was hardly dancing at all, they wiggled and shook their limbs and bounced to happy English Pop Music that was excitingly different from the soft and often melancholic French _chansons_ they heard every day. Freya always danced with a drink in her hand, sometimes whiskey, sometimes wine and when the twins grew from kids to teenagers, they slowly understood what the little ritual meant. It was her way to cope with the horrors of her work that she was able to ignore on a regular day but then there were those days when she had made a mistake or (and this was even worse) when she had done everything right but the patient had died nevertheless.

The twins liked 'Dancing Days' best but this also meant that someone had lost his life, so their joy was narrowed by guilt. Puberty also made them aware that their mother was aging too. When the twins turned twelve Freya was in her mid-thirties and though her genes provided her with this unearthly juvenile beauty, her restless lifestyle started to show in the dimples around her eyes and at the corner of her lips when she smiled that ironic smile of hers. It was then that Fai noticed that his mother was just human – mortal and fragile and with her cold behavior she kept everyone on a safe distance so that neither she nor her little boys would be hurt.

Fai felt _betrayed_ as a result. All the while he had imagined her as this _knowing_, _perfect_ and _indestructible_ being and now his mother was just a mother with a tiring job and incapable of intimacy.

_Mommy loves me _- was the piece of hope that he clung onto and deep down inside he knew that it was true but that was not enough. Not for him. What good was this _love _when it was lying in a heart that had been shut away from the world as long as he remembered? He wanted to _feel_ it. He never dreamed of asking for something big - not from the woman he only dared to call _mommy_ in his thoughts – just a little pat on the cheek or a ruffle through their hair from time to time or a nickname or _something_.

When Fai was twelve years old he made a promise to free his mother from her indifference and make her feel again. Regardless what it would take and if he had to make her mad at him, he would unfreeze the ice walls that shielded her heart and – while she was still incapable of – display the emotions she could not display. He would be twice as happy when they had a good day and he would cry the tears that would not want to escape her eyes. When Fai was twelve years old he also made the promise never to become like his mother.

Somehow he failed to keep both of them. He was just a boy, after all.

* * *

The first thing Freya said was: "What's wrong?" - no _hello_, _oh-my-god,we haven't heard from each other since when?..._ or other decencies that normal people bothered with. Fai didn't even make an attempt to pretend that there was nothing wrong, because this was his mother and she was not easy to fool. Besides, they both knew he only called when something was wrong. No, 'wrong' was to weak a word. Disastrous fit better. "I have a question, _maman_."

"Alright". He could hear her exhale impatiently. "Shoot."

"Is it possible to die from a broken heart?"

There was a pause and for Fai the entire world came to a halt. He stopped his search for a fancy tea cup. Leaves, falling from trees, froze in mid-air. Birds almost choked on their songs because they had to fall silent, unprepared. Babies refused to leave their mothers bodies; all of these things happened (and maybe they just happened in Fai's mind) while a very sleepy mother struggled with her brain. She reconnected the thoughts of her useless mind with the center of sensibility and her knowledge store, re-established her defenses to become once more the brilliant but slightly sociopathic being.

"Are you drunk?" Freya asked casually; as if she had simply asked him to pass her the butter.

"No."

"High?"

"Never been in my life." Fai announced and wondered – not for the first time – if she was going through a pre-talk checklist to make sure he was focused enough to deal with her answer.

"When did you smoke your last cigarette?"

"Um… dunno, something between four and three years ago. When did _you_?"

"Yesterday, lunch break. Fai, one last thing: are you sure this is the question you want to ask?"

"Absolutely sure."

So she told him.

* * *

Puberty was by far the _worst part_ of growing up. One began to realize how careless the past years have been, compared to all the new problems that came along with the teenage years. To Fai it seemed like he had to re-discover the simplest things, like body hygiene. Certain fluids that left the body on their own accord, accompanied by pimples that ruined his perfect skin that required a lot of attention and pharmaceutical problems. Plus, he had hair growing on places where it was unwanted so he had to re-learn his own body as well. Even more so as it began to respond differently when he was touched. The naked body turned into a matter of desire and the center of many very vivid daydreams; boys started to tell dirty jokes and giggled about things they hardly understood.

But the most obvious change in his life was caused by _girls_. It didn't matter that most boys weren't into girls at that age because it were the girls who took interest in the boys and it was almost impossible to deal with them as every interaction – intended or unintended – caused them to burst into giggling fits and stupid chanting.

_Fai and Clara sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-_

It was annoying. _Frustrating_. So in this time when everything changed it was nice to find some things that would never change. That was why Fai loved having a Nemesis. His very own arch-villain.

Fai had _Brigitte Duchamps_.

Brigitte was about his age and in his ballet group she was the star; a tiny person, delicate like a fairy and just as flat-chested. The femininity she was missing was substituted by grace and arrogance.

When Fai was thirteen years old, he knew that Brigitte was his very own curse; as the only boy of their little ballet ensemble he was doomed to be her dancing partner. And Brigitte would keep on complaining about his uncoordinated movements. Which wasn't fair because he was _growing_, for god's sake! Growing too fast, making it hard for his body to cope with the changes. Some nights he lay awake because his limbs were aching. From a lean child he turned into a lanky teenager.

Fai reached his mother's height when he was fourteen.

Well, he could handle Brigitte's nasty and diva-like attitude. He had been called much worse by his own grandmother who regarded his girly interests as unnatural and perverse. No, it was something else that caused the young man's blood to boil because that little bitch planned on taking one thing from him. The one thing that Fai would and could not lose.

She was trying to get her hands on Yuui.

* * *

"The broken-heart syndrome, also known as stress-induced cardiomyopathy is a sudden weakening of the heart muscle caused by emotional stress like the death of a beloved person or a break-up or a constant rejection." Freya explained. "And it leads into heart-failure which can be lethal without the proper treatment. So technically one can say that it's possible to die from a broken heart but the disease is most likely to be found with older women." She seemed to consider her own words and then added: "But I know for a fact that you have the heart of an ox, so you're not in imminent danger."

The water boiler made strange cracking noises every now and then as it was heating the water and Fai spared it an uneasy glance. "Who said this is about me?" He whispered.

In a way it was a relief that his mother was not facing him. She may be able to hear a lie in his voice but as long as there was a safe distance between them, she could not read his every thought in his features.

"It's _always_ about you, Fai."

The chemistry teacher tried to chuckle but was irritated by the choked sounds that escaped his throat. He could hear Freya sigh. "My dear son, this is not about that over-sized and ridiculously rude, red-eyed monster that is your neighbor, right? Please tell me that my intuition is wrong."

"He's not a monster, _maman_. And he was just rude because you scared him. You have that effect on people, you know."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. It's not him that's bugging me; I'm just annoyed that this red _witch _was right."

Suddenly, he had an image in mind. His mother sitting on the bench under the mansion's biggest apple tree; her perfectly manicured fingers clutching and her brows narrowing as she glared across the lawn, imagining… who? _Yuuko_? The chairman was the only woman _he_ knew that would fit the description "red witch". About his mother…it was hard to imagine her having friends and as a kid he had never cared about her acquaintances. She was just Freya; one woman standing for herself. The pillar that his entire world was built upon.

"Right about what?"

"Never mind my hassles son, you called because of yours. So go ahead then, _tell me_."

As the water boiled, Fai poured it into one of his favorite cups, the blue one with the white polka dots. As the herbs in the teabag colored the water yellow, he remembered why he liked that cup so much. Kurogane had bought it to replace the mug Fai had once thrown after him, it was the "Sorry I pissed you off"-cup. How appropriate. A soft smile crept on the man's lips.

"Did Yuui mention that he has a boyfriend now?"

"He did. I can't wait to see the look on the face of that homophobic old plum when she finds out. I'm just sorry for Yuui, he had never been subject of her ignorance before." The homophobic old plum was _Genevieve de Fluorite_, Freya's mother-in-law.

"Well, my problems began a few months ago. That was before Yuui and Syaoron got together. Yuui came up with a bet…"

* * *

One beautiful afternoon as Fai got home from school, the first person he met there was the one he had least expected. She was hurrying out of the door, her usually pale face pink and twisted with anger. Brigitte was pointing at him.

"YOU! This is all your fault!" She yelled and without any further explanation, pushed him out of her way. The blond was impressed that such a tiny shell could contain such a big voice. He looked back for a second and then shrugged, leaving the matter behind. _'Whatever.'_

His mother sat in the kitchen, flipping through the pages of a fashion magazine, looking incredibly smug. Fai opened the fridge and got himself some milk. As he opened the cupboard to fetch a glass he could hear Freya ask: "Don't you want to know what I said to her?"

The boy grinned, not caring if it was indecent or mean.

"What did you tell her?"

"That her parents will receive the bill for a chlamydia treatment if she dares to get too close to our Yuui again."

Fai's eyes widened. "She had chlamydia?"

"Don't be silly, Fai. Of course not."

"Wow. That's mean."

"Hn. Serves that cold-blooded little mermaid."

Fai kept on grinning but as he seated next to his mother, a frown appeared. "But Yuui will be heart-broken."

"Hearts can be fixed, Fai." Freya informed him. Sounds of rustling paper as she turned a page. "And it's better if she breaks up with him now than in two months, when she loses interest. She's not good for Yuui."

Fai thought about that and took a sip of his milk, as...

"Let's just hope her sweet brother is treating you better."

The boy choked on his milk and coughed. When the fit was over his cheeks were still burning brightly and he avoided eye-contact. "How..." He started; his voice croaky and wavering. "How do you know..."

"... that you're sneaking out every second night? I'm not blind and I'm not deaf, my dear. Besides, you have that dreamy expression when you come home from your ballet lessons and there are only girls there so I kept my eyes open for some attractive brothers who would come to pick them up. I knew it was Henri as soon as I noticed him. That boy looks just like Prince Romualdo."

And every hint of color left Fai's face. His head was spinning with questions. And fears. His lower lip started shaking. _She knows? She __**knows?**_ Even the voice inside his head sounded stridently.

The sudden silence emerging from her usually very talkative son caused Freya to look up. "Fai..." Her hand reached out for his hair but instead of running it through the golden locks, she patted his head in the stiff, awkward way like people do when they're not experienced in comforting someone.

"It's okay. I'm not mad at you. It doesn't matter to me who you kiss, boy or girl. Maybe I should have told you that sooner, when the first signs were showing. I… As long as you're happy with _who_ you are, everything is fine."

Fai found himself unable to cherish that his mother accepted his homosexuality as the relief was overshadowed by much darker thoughts. His mother had connections. His mother had proved with Yuui that she was able and willing to interfere in his relationship when she thought it was necessary. What if she changed her mind about Henri? What if she decided that he was too old for Fai? Or too poor? Would she make some evil plans to remove Henri from his life, just like that?

The prospect was scary.

Freya never intervened, though. One year later, Fai and Henri would break up because Henri moved to Rome to study art. But the fear remained. So Fai never introduced his mother to one of his boyfriends. Except for Jason. Jason was nice, there was nothing to disapprove about him. Well, except for the fact that Jason was boring and a little bit too jealous. That and the not so unimportant fact that Fai had never really _loved_ him.

* * *

Telling the story about his failed love confession attempts was not nearly as relieving as one might hope. Especially when one was telling it to one's mother. Fai tried to stick to the facts, leaving out all the emotions that he had invested in this relationship; his precious friendship. But stripping off everything that involved feelings left a bare skeleton of events that looked poor and… unimportant. Like the whole matter wasn't worth his sleepless nights. He felt like a fool. And his mother was _not helping_.

"Hm." Was what she said. Just "Hm."

The clock in the kitchen ticked in her monotonous way. Tick-tick, tock-tock. The silver spoon stirring Fai's tea went round and round and round. Waiting. Waiting for the goddess to make her judgment.

"I don't see where your problem lies." She finally announced. "There are only two options."

"Is one of them digging a deep hole to hide inside?"

"Of course not. Don't be ridiculous! Fight or flight may be a biological instinct but running away won't change a thing and thus, will not make you feel less miserable. No, you have to fight. The question is: what will you fight? Just to make sure, have you tried to date someone else? Are you sure you're not just focused on this man because you're tired of being alone and if he was just…there?"

The stirring spoon stopped. "Are you implying that I'm just messing around with him because it's _convenient_?" The blond huffed. And before he realized it, the spoon was thrown into the sink with a loud **clong**; a superfluous demonstration of his anger. Superfluous because his mother could not see what he was doing. But she heard. And she was, well not a _robot_ but very capable of interpreting just the slightest wavering of his voice. "No need to be insulted young man! There is a difference between _loving_ and loving the idea of being in love. I have witnessed you experiencing the latter one before. So I am asking you again: Was there someone else you've been with or tried to be with?"

With the tea cup in one hand and the other one around the phone, Fai made his way into his bedroom. Intimate conversations should be made in intimate rooms. He sat down on the edge of his bed and took a sip from his tea to gain some time for gathering the right words.

"Yes and no. There was… someone. But we didn't have romantic intentions, it was just… a distraction. It didn't work out. Nothing will work out, okay? I know there are plenty of fish in the sea. Fish are boring. I want a whale. I want **my** whale." Usually this was a perfect situation for a childish pout – only this time Fai's frustration was too real to twist it into a parody. "But this certain whale is already on the hook and I'm not the one who holds the fishing pole."

She mocked him with her laughter. "I always thought I raised my sons to be quite intelligent young men. Now I have to face that you're incapable of solving the simplest problem. Shoot the woman!"

Fai raised an eyebrow to his mother's tone. "What the…?"

"Not literally, of course." Freya added. Fai imagined her rolling her eyes. "Screw her over. Manipulate to make sure he'll leave her. Or make him choose; you or her. Love is a battlefield."

The chemistry teacher sneered. That was… unacceptable, to say the least. Manipulations? The guy he wanted had him x-rayed within a second. If Fai would risk such an unethical trick- "I can't. He would find out. And then he'll despise me and I will lose his trust. How could he ever forgive me?"

Kurogane was an honest man; willing to give a second chance if he felt the person deserved it. Fai had already had his second chance. And his third. And his fourth. Sooner or later Kurogane's patience would wear thin and what Freya was asking him to do was far worse than throwing a mug after someone.

"Trust me, if I try something shady, he'll never speak a single word to me. Not ever!"

_Breathing_. He could hear his mother's breathing now, which meant that it got heavier, which meant that his words must have some effect. But which?

More breathing, then a sigh. The kind of sigh Freya let out when Fai had been called to the principal's office again. It meant _'this is tiresome'_ more than _'I'm disappointed'_.

"Where are you, Fai?"

"_Huh?"_

"I let you go. I let you move to Japan not because I wanted to but because _she_ promised me it could free you from your problems. I let you go because I knew there was nothing else I could do. There was no other way. Now _you_ are letting go even though you still have a choice. Self-pity is easy, Fai. And if you don't get over that, I swear, I will find a way to get you back home. What's the matter with you? What happened to the little boy I knew, the boy who would sit in the oat fields, waiting for the white knight to appear? The boy who wanted to become like _Princess Fantaghiró_ because he thought there was nothing more beautiful than having the opportunity to find and protect your true love? You're a coward now. If that giant really throws you out of his life just because you tried to win his heart he doesn't deserve you and this means he's not the one you're searching for." Her voice was rising while she spoke and Fai's heart beat faster.

"You're mad at me." Fai concluded. Because of what he had done? Because of what he had become? He had spent years on trying to reach her heart by doing the right things _and _making mistakes but none of those actions had seemed to move his mother. So what was it exactly that had caused the desired reaction _now_? His nerves were tingling with excitement. His chest felt too tight as Fai visualized the image of him she remembered. It was true, as a little boy he had spent years on dreaming about love and being loved; on being given the opportunity to heroically fight for that love. And then he had grown up.

"I'm too old for fairy tales now, mother. Or at least I'm too old to ignore they are not true. There is no such thing as _magic _and there are no heroes because there is nothing _heroic_ about fighting. I could see that in the fights you had with father. You know, Ashura asked me to talk to you because you still refuse to sign the divorce petition. I know why you made this decision and I respect it but I don't _understand_ you. Yes, if you just get divorced father will get the half of everything you own. So what? It's just money and you don't need it. Yuui and I don't need it, so why are you doing this for except for driving Pierre crazy? You're always fighting something or someone; if it's not father then it's about grandma or Death or even the darn mail delivery guy. Isn't that… _exhilarating_? I wouldn't want that for myself. If that makes me a coward, fine, but I'm probably less alone than you are!"

Fai reached for his teacup. He needed something to hold onto at that point. He had never meant to say just half of those words but once you started telling those unpleasant truths, it's hard to stop for they were all connected just like the feel-good lies that were told to cover them up. His thumb stroked the warm porcelain; searching comfort in the soothing touch. _'God, I really need a pet.'_ He thought. _'A dog would be lovely. Or a cat. Yeah, probably a cat. Cats don't need to be trained and they don't get sick from being spoiled.'_

"Mom? You still there?"

"Where else was I supposed to be?" Freya hissed, still uneasy. "I was just thinking. About how _wrong _you are. Fine, maybe I'm overzealous. I know I push myself too hard; I'm a surgeon for _god's sake_. That's part of my nature. But you're wrong about heroes and fights. Maybe you just have a different definition of the word '_hero_'. So I will tell you now: It's okay to get your hands caked with dirt or blood and it's okay to hurt people – well, strangers and jerks – as long as you keep focus on why you do it; being happy."

"But that's _selfish_!"Fai cried out with protest. The blond could not imagine causing pain to any other person without feeling guilty about it. Even this girl, _Oruha_… daydreaming about setting her overly female, hourglass-shaped body on fire made him feel less filthy than the prospect of shafting her. _'Fascinating.'_

"I know that and if you were someone else I would give you a different advice; but you are my son. So I know you're not one who can live with that altruistic 'I'm happy as long as _he_ is happy' crap. You're a mess right now; that much I understand, and you probably think you're no good to anyone. Of course I could just tell you that this is not true, but before you can trust other people's opinions you have to trust yourself which is why we should really work on your self-esteem, my dear."

"_We?"_

"You're lucky though, having a mother who knows the secret of rebuilding confidence within minutes. I call it the _Get three Rule_."

* * *

Get drunk. Get sexy. Get some music.

Apparently, it was as simple as that.

_Get drunk: The aim is to consume only so much ethanol to relax and loosen up; but not to lose control._

Fai's earl grey stood deserted on the nightstand; forgotten and almost untouched. Its fate was to cool down and be poured in the sink later. Tea was for English men, sick people and heartbroken ones. Fai had made the decision not to count himself to the latter ones just yet.

_Get sexy: Choose an outfit which is flattering and comfortable to wear. The aim of the exercise is to be aware of one's sex-appeal. Everyone has their seductive moments. Sometimes it's wise to use one of them to flirt with yourself. _

While his left hand was occupied with a glass of white wine, his free strayed through the depths of his closet which was the neatest place in his entire apartment. Casual clothing was stored in one part, girly stuff in another. For now, he was definitely aiming for _girly_.

Black denim hot pants. A dark blue tunic shirt which was not falling too loosely but it was loose enough to hide the shape of his chest. To add a final touch to the outfit, his feet slid into the sweet jeans blue ballerina shoes he had always wanted to wear but so far, the blond hadn't find the proper occasion for it.

Dressed up, his next stop was the cupboard in the living room, where he stored his stereo as well as his CD's and cassettes.

_Get some music and start to shake the stress away. Choose music that makes you bouncy or giddy. Ethanol is a well-known depressive, so avoid any music with sad or thoughtful lyrics if you don't want to cry for an hour. And only people in movies look pretty when they cry. _

_If you are searching for a more personal touch, choose songs with lyrics that match your situation but have an optimistic view on it._

His eyes as well as his fingers trailed over the plastic shells of the compact discs, observing and analyzing. A girly outfit cries for girly music, right? To save time he just grabbed all of his little musical possessions to sort them out. He made a stack for _inappropriate_ and _worth a closer look_; using the mundane activity to keep his fingers busy while his mind was still racing, still trying to convince himself that it would work out.

'_I can do that. A few minutes of this stress therapy and I'm good as new. And then I can…'_

'_Then I can do what? Steal Kuro-tan away with my pure sexiness? I know that man for a while and so far he hasn't responded to any kind of flirt or suggestion –'_

'_Yeah, I haven't really tried, have I? I have never even tried to signalize him that I'm seriously interested. I teased him.'_

Fai sighed; wondering just how he could leave all the sorrow and the regret behind when every retrospective showed him the mistakes he had made and the stupid decisions that had created a crack in his and Kuro-tan's relationship. This burden was like a monkey sitting on his shoulder and dragging him down, biting his neck if he allowed hope to cross his mind, making it hard to breathe. Half an hour ago, he had been nothing but a ball made of flesh and tears…

_Shake it out._

The three words, printed on the back of the CD Fai was currently holding (one that actually belonged to Yuui), stuck out like a sore thumb.

"… _choose songs with lyrics that match your situation." _Freya had offered even though Fai knew that was not an option she would have chosen for herself; but then again her losses had always been a different kind; _she_ was different, which was to expect since she was a different person. She knew him well, but she had such a twisted, cynic view on the world sometimes… like this thing with the nicknames, for example.

Fai liked his name, had always liked him, but as a kid he wanted to have a nickname, because nicknames mean that you're loved. _Sweetpea. Pumpkin. Darling._ Just once he wanted to be more than _Fai_, to be more than a son. Freya used nicknames to de-personify people. Nicknames were spared for the ones who dared to piss her off, the ones she considered her enemies. So, Fai was disappointed _and_ glad at the same time that he never got one.

_Shake it out._

He would do it his way. He would allow self-pity which was a part of him. It was okay to be sad, it was okay to mourn the things he could never be and the things that would never happen. Running away or trying to shove it away wouldn't make him happy (he had tried it enough to be sure), so he had to embrace it.

Within five minutes, Fai had a track list ready, a way back into being normal by putting himself into an emotional rush of regret and promises; facing the negative to wash it all away and start anew.

_(It's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake it off.)_

He turned up the volume real loud until the room was full with words, until he could feel the music vibrate in his body, not once caring for possible neighbor's complains. He closed his eyes, took a sip of red wine, let it rest a while on his tongue and then he swallowed Bordeaux like he swallowed the meaning of the words.

_(Well I must be my own master…)_

He let them run through his veins, made them his own as he sang along.

_(Give me nights of solitude, red wine just a glass or two…)_

Once more he could feel the sweetness of being in love, could appreciate this lovely high that made you numb for everything and why shouldn't he feel like that? Why shouldn't he gather strength from the certainty that this time he had found the one, which was such a delicate privilege that expecting to win that person's heart in an instant seemed ridiculous? _Impudent, even_?

He would make sure that he deserved it. He would fight but he would be fair as well, even if it was harder. He would –

_(Make some big jumps, big jumps; you afraid to break some bones?)_

_Not_ make a compromise. Not this time.

Swaying and bouncing around in his living room until he felt all tickly inside, Fai burst out in laughter and tears of relief because he understood now that there was no '_Game Over_' and no deadline.

Kuro-tan had a girl, _so what_? It was not like they were already married and had kids. Couples grow apart and break up, it happened all the time; every day in fact. Sooner or later Oruha would disappear from Kurogane's life because Fai would make them realize that no one would ever love Kurogane more than he did.

All he needed was patience and stubbornness.

There was still that voice in his head, warning him not to trust those positive emotions because only half of them were truly his own; not just a product from his current, musically induced euphoria; yet that voice was but a whisper.

* * *

[**1**] 8 years ago or so the perfume was just called "Woman" and it was green but the other ones, Woman No. 2 (blue) and Woman No. 3 (pink) were already produced. The perfume I am describing in the story is the yellow "Woman No. 1" that had somehow replaced the green one. And I say "replaced" since they changed not just the color of the design but also the name, so I suspect that the green and the yellow one are scenting different. There's no way to be sure unless anyone of you still has a sample of the green one at home and compares them. But honestly, why would anyone replace a perfume by another that has almost the same name? Did they lost the formula or what?

**Final announcement:** There will be a bonus chapter with a scene I cut out from this one because I figured it wouldn't quite match the mood. The bonus will be the last chapter for this year. I won't write any more stuff since I want to be done with my master thesis on Dec 17th or so and then I have to find a job... The last thing I'll write is a pre-Christmas b-day one shot; I'm not sure when I'll be back on this story. If you want to cheer me up, please leave a review. If you want to make my day, however, leave a review on that other story of mine "There's More Than One of Everything" (though being based on Fringe, it's not necessary to be familiar with the fandom as it is a Tsubasa fanfic. XD)

Thanks and I hope you had fun so far,

Leia


	7. No such thing as magic?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of this story; they belong to CLAMP.

**Note: **I had so much fun writing these. I know, I'm a penguin on a floating ice sheet, drifting farther away from the main story but this, especially the second scene, was so much fun to write.

**TrueDespair**: Wow….just…._wow._ I can't even…._wow_. *Please excuse the BETA over here as her mind was blown on things that she wanted to say but can't in fear of spoiling the chapter for readers*

* * *

**7 **

**No such thing as magic?**

* * *

_I look myself in the face _

_And whisper 'I'm in the wrong place'_

_Is there more to lose than gain if I go on my own again?_

Marina & the Diamonds: "**The Outsider**"

* * *

"There is no such thing as magic; he said."

The French midday sun didn't harm her pale skin as she was sitting on the bench under the mansion's biggest apple tree; a cigarette stuck between her perfectly manicured index and middle finger. Her brows furrowed and she seemed to stare across the lawn but her eyes were distant. "My own son."

"He's probably too close to you to notice." Her companion offered; one hand lost in the silky strands of her hair.

"_You_ noticed."

He laughed. "Yes, but I was standing next to you when you phoned Yuuko to ask for her permission to enter her _territory_ two years ago and I have witnesses both of you in one room, remember? The day she approached you with the offer to take care of Fai? It was hard to miss."

The electricity in the air that caused every hair on his body to stand up. The tickling on his tongue.

"I was angry because she wanted to _steal_ my son. I dropped my guards. It was stupid, because I knew she was right, which made it even harder for me to accept it. Up till then I've been perfectly fine believing that she was just a wicked, _heartless _monster who cared so little about her own child that she abandoned it and let it be raised by her sister. I didn't want to hear that she did it to save the kid – because that meant that she had made the right decision while I damned my boys to a life of misery."

"Well _I_ don't think she was right, dear."

Freya inhaled and rolled her eyes when she blew out some bluish-grey smoke. "Don't be silly, Ashura. Of course she was. Our kind isn't supposed to have offspring, which is why we make horrible parents."

"If I may be so bold to ask…"

"You want to know just what exactly I am."

"_Yes."_

"Alright, if you _must_ know," Freya gave in, wearing the slightly annoyed expression of a woman who had to explain a kid how the motor of a car worked. _Who cares how it works as long as it works?_ Her face would say. "First you should be aware that we – my kind or whatever you want to call us – we are human. I have human DNA, I look human, obviously and I have human parents. I can't do magic and I'm not a psychic."

"But you _are _different." Ashura pointed out, stating the obvious to make sure she kept her eyes on the subject for it were the differences he was interested in. What did they mean to Freya, for her relationship with her sons and with him? Freya was one of those people who keep their issues and worries as well as their joys to themselves, protecting their emotions like dragons guarding treasures.

"Because we serve a purpose. As I said I can't do magic but that doesn't mean there is no magic in this world. Actually, my people have this old legend that this world was made by the strongest power of all: the magic of human wishes. Wishes for a better future as well as for a different past. Millions of them.[**1**]"

"Because almost everyone regrets the mistakes they had made or the things they had to leave behind?"

"In a nutshell... yes. Now, every wish has the same core; the longing for happiness. For ourselves or the ones we love. It's impossible to make everyone happy but is said that this world is very close to fulfilling that wish because here... _we_ make sure. In every generation kids are born, kids with special abilities, so they can influence and change people's lives."

Ashura never asked if Freya believed in all of the things she said (assuming she didn't; for Freya preferred **knowing**). Not believing wouldn't make a story more or less true. Stories were for the listeners and this story was told so he would not be put off by her alien nature. In a way Freya admitted that she wanted him around, which was all Ashura cared about for the moment. He was afraid to say it out loud, though; when Freya was confronted with anything slightly romantic, she was insulted, like one had offered her obviously poisoned food. Freya didn't trust romance. So instead of saying something sappy that he would regret later, the black haired man showed her he cared by asking further questions. "What kind of abilities?"

A little breeze came up and stirred the blue fog of Freya's cigarette; ash was falling next to her cream colored, way too expensive high heel shoes and with an angry look she pinched the smoldering tip of the half-smoked cancer stick and ripped it off, saving the rest for later. For a puzzling woman, she had a lot of rules. Her companion noticed that with a faint smile. Like she never smoked around a non-smoker before.

"That depends. The most common gift is the X-raying."

"What, so you're telling me you're like _Superman_?"

"Relax." Freya said; rolling her eyes and retrieving the cigarette packet from her blazer pocket, stuffing the unfinished one among the others. "It's a metaphor. X-raying means that one is able to see a person's true nature. I belong to this majority. Let me listen to the sound of a beating heart and I'll tell you the owner's current emotions, his or her medical problems and favorite drugs. I could even find the person's perfect match, given that I've listened to that other heart, too. _Yuuko_" – Freya pronounced the name with the amount of sympathy she had for maggots or broccoli – "can do the same by reading in people's faces. Which is one of the reasons why I can't _stand_ being around her for too long. It's stressful to know every person's real intentions once you meet them but having someone who could do the same on you – now that's just uncomfortable."

Resting his elbow on the back rest of the bench and propping his head against his palm, he studied the blonde thoughtfully. What she was – _who_ she was wasn't showing. But one could tell there was something odd about her, maybe an additional or a lacking hormone… her sweat scented like lilies of the valley; that much he knew, and today was one of the rare days when he could smell it, as it was usually covered by a cloud of perfume.

"You said earlier that your kind is not supposed to have offspring. Why? Does it… are the boys affected?" Ashura's expression was a mix of concern and gentle compassion. He had met Yuui only a couple of times but Fai… Fai was like a son to him. Back then when the blonde had been his student; how many times had he offered him to pick him up from a party and sleep on his couch when Fai was too drunk to find his way back home? How many times had he listened to the details of Fai's messy, always changing love life because the boy had no one else to talk to? Fai held a special place in his heart, like Freya. Brilliant as a student but defaulted as a human being, Ashura had always felt responsible for the kid.

"A little bit, but their father is normal, so there is nothing to worry about. I know that Yuui can write down a recipe for every meal he had tasted once and still add some improvements while Fai always knows when there will be rain and well, they will always be a little too pretty for the likings of others but aside from that, they can live an ordinary life. No, it has nothing to do with my influence on them; it's _their_ influence on _me_. They're my sons and their needs are more important than anyone else's. They keep me from doing what I'm supposed to do which is fixing people's lives."

"That doesn't sound fair to me."

Freya shrugged at that but the man wondered if she was just half as callous as she pretended to be. He wondered how he could recognize when she needed a hug. Mainly because he wanted to wrap his arms around her. Though knowing Freya was one of the toughest persons he ever met, he was well aware that even tough people need some comfort; needed it probably even more, for it took so much for them to break down.

"… and Yuuko had a child, too? Even though she knew about all of this?"

Freya nodded, her whiskey colored eyes, just a shade darker than Ashura's golden ones, trailed back to focus on him. Her features, well known and carefully studied, didn't reveal its owner's emotional state… or maybe Freya's feelings were just too complex to be imprinted in something as mundane as a human face.

"The infallible proof that love can turn even the most wicked beings into happy, careless idiots. And please believe me, everyone knew that things would end badly when she started to date the puppet master, but those two have always been too strong and stubborn to listen to anyone else. Poor little lamb that they sent into this world: having not only one but _two_ supernatural parents. I can imagine the boy has now to deal with seeing ghosts or something equally weird that will ruin his childhood."

"The _puppet master_?" That name, or title, just sounded _wrong_ in his ears. Ashura had to think of a fifty year old guy with a purple cape, a nose like Pinocchio and an army of dolls behind him. Then he thought of Jeff Dunham. Not knowing, which association was worse.[**2**]

"Clow Reed's the name but we call him _puppet master_ because that describes his talent so well. He makes toys, like dolls and teddy bears or little plush cats with peppermint colored butterfly wings -" She frowned, obviously questioning the man's taste. "- but his toys are _alive_. Did I ever tell you about the Mokonas?"

"The Horitsuba school mascots."

"They're Clow's creation. He made them for Yuuko to fill the hole in her life after they had to give their son into the hands of Yuuko's sister and Clow's brother, I guess. Or was it the other way round?"

One of the few moments when Freya seemed to emerge something like sympathy… and then she rolled her eyes and muttered 'how unnecessary' to ruin the atmosphere.

Ashura chuckled softly and let a strand of her hair run through his fingers, before he kissed it gently. Freya let it happen without any response. Not because she didn't care – she just had no idea how to respond. She was only good at touching people when they were sedated and ready for surgery and most of the times being touched made her uneasy. But that was something he could deal with.

"Tell me about the current center of Fai's adoration, dear. You've met him once. And you seem to like him; after all you made no effort to pry him away so far."

Freya's head turned slowly, very slowly, as she glared at her friend and partner. "_Are you kidding me_? That guy is the rudest, foul-mouthed, arrogant and self-righteous rice eater I've ever met. And his name! What kind of a name is _black steel_? And if he was just like I perceived he was I'd rather kill Fai than let _him_ have my son. It's Fai who had such faith in him."

"So he caught you on the wrong foot?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and sulked like a kid; a grown-up woman of fifty in a Chanel Costume, one of Europe's top surgeons… you wouldn't believe it when you haven't witnessed it. "It's not my fault that he's such a jerk on the outside!" She protested. "You know how I suck at dealing with strangers. Or with anyone, actually. But he's apparently the one meant for Fai, so I guess I _should_ be nice."

Ashura held his breath when he realized what this meant.

_I could even find the person's perfect match, given that I've listened to that other heart, too._

"Freya… since when do you know?"

She didn't answer right away, and Ashura thought of repeating the question when she suddenly took his hand into hers. It was tiny, soft and cool, pretty much what he had expected, yet her display of vulnerability moved him.

"Fai was seven when he ran into a glass door. I guess I already told you about this. What I didn't tell you was that there was a complication when I removed the glass from his eye. The anesthetist did everything right, still, my kid refused to wake up after the effect of the drugs had worn off. For twenty-four hours, Yuui and I sat next to his bed and I didn't dare to fall asleep in case he might stir or show any kind of…"

Freya's voice cracked. Swallowing the hard lump in her throat, she started again, on another part of the story. "While I was busy saving my son's eyesight, there was a woman in Japan who almost died from a heart attack – _literally_, she was born with a weak heart – when her two year old son was almost crushed by the shelf he had tried to mount." Boys – why do they always have to climb on something?

"Anyway, that woman Miyako, had been a patient of mine. She had a special touch, a little gift, not strong enough to be one of my kind and though I wouldn't go as far as call her a friend, I kind of liked her. Maybe she had sensed what I was, but when they brought her kid into the hospital, she asked the doctors to consult me. That was back in 1990, so we had no internet and I remember clearly how I sat in Fai's room in the middle of the night and turned on the speakers of the phone while Miyako, on her side of the planet, was holding the receiver next to the echo cardiograph, so I could listen."

"And that was when you heard…?"

"I didn't hear _anything_. All I could make out was a steady very fast beat, which is normal for toddlers. Through the phone I missed those fine underlying nuances that tell me everything I need to know. To help Miyako, I had to listen to this in person, but I couldn't leave Fai. I was thinking of the right words to tell her that I was of no use when I was asked what this noise was. I turned and… Fai was looking at me. He was only half there but his eyes – his _eye_ was focused on me and he called me mommy. Then he said 'sounds beautiful' and fell asleep. Only this time I knew he would wake up again. I just knew, although intuition is hardly my thing, but at that moment I sensed something that may have been fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it. I told Miyako her son would be fine because it felt _right_. Then I hung up and I think I cried." Her brows furrowed as she tried to grasp the memory in detail. Ashura thought that it would be just like her to forget her spilled tears on purpose.

"Yes. I wailed. I remember because Yuui woke up from the sound and I told him to sneak into his brother's bed and hold him, so Fai wouldn't slip away from us again. It was such a lovely sight, these two cuddled together. I should have made sure that they stay close together. Always."

Freya's thoughts drifted in a direction that the other didn't like at all, so he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, hoping he crushed nothing while doing so.

"And you think it was the sound of that heartbeat that brought Fai back? That it was not just a coincidence-"

"No. I **know**. There is no such thing as coincidence. Not in this world, not in any other."

"And this kid, the son of your friend…"

A shrewd smile twisted the corner of Freya's lips. "I didn't know it was **him**, when I met him. Miyako always said that he looks like his father but I have never met her husband, either, so there was no way to compare. But later I pulled some strings, called some people to find out more about this gym teacher, that my son was so fond of and found out that he is Miyako's kid. In conclusion, destiny is a bitch."

There was nothing to add.

* * *

When Kurogane Suwa, the elder, had been a little kid he used to bother his grandma with questions about _his_ grandpa, receiving always the same answer. _Gran-pere was a soldier. He died __on Iwo Jima__ long before your father was born. _

He didn't blame her for keeping it a secret. She was the descendant of a very old and very noble Samurai clan and had dishonored her family enough by giving birth to a child without being married; admitting that the baby in her belly had grown from the seed of the enemy in times of war would only make it worse. So Kurogane had no proof that his grandfather was American, safe for his own and his father's bodies which were so very tall and attention drawing (and therefore so very un-Japanese). The mystery about the missing grandfather remained one since his father was likewise unwilling to talk about the matter. Yosuke Suwa had grown up following the path of his grand-father and his grand-grand-father, the path of the Samurai but Kurogane, as much as he loved Japanese traditions and family values, could not ignore the voice of his heart that told him that he was ignoring an aspect of his identity. He had had a grandfather who died in World War II to protect his family or his country or both. Regardless which side the man had fought for, Kurogane was proud to be his grandson.

He got married to a wonderful woman and she blessed him with two lovely kids, a daughter and a son. The girl was named Souma and the boy… that sweet tiny boy…

When his son was born, Kurogane Suwa swore to himself that there would be no secrets in his family, no damnation of his dear one's just because they fell in love with someone that would be regarded as inappropriate. And he sealed that promise by following an American tradition.

Thus, his boy was given two names; one that belonged to only him and the one that was his father's.

_Youou Kurogane Suwa_ was a happy kid, blessed with a healthy amount of ignorance and the dangerous lack of fear. He frowned at foreign traditions and was creeped out by exactly three and a half things.

Physicians. Foreign women. And clowns.

Fortune tellers, too… and for the protocol: fortune tellers usually belonged to category B, foreign women, which was why they only counted as half. Hence there were _three and a half_ things Youou was creeped out by.

Fortune tellers were by far _the worst_ because it was not the person he feared: it was the prospect that their words would come true. Youou didn't believe in magic and supernatural abilities and that stuff but when you're ten years old and a smelly gypsy woman is waving her crooked tanned finger in front of your nose while howling that you will fall in love only three times your entire life, you start to worry.

Does it mean you'll die young? Does it mean you'll end up alone or, much worse, married to a woman you don't love? Or does it mean your heart will be broken twice before you meet _the one_?

When Youou attended Middle School (and insisted on being addressed by his father's name because he was sick that everyone called him _You-chan_), he had another question to deal with: _does Oruha count_? He didn't _think _he was in love with Oruha but she _was_ his best friend since kindergarten and _everyone _expected them to become a couple, so they started holding hands. Oruha was the first girl he kissed. Their relationship lasted about a month, and then Kurogane found out what it was like to really fall in love.

With age thirteen, Kurogane received his second first kiss by his first love, a boy called Shigure. But that ended as well, when summer break began. He was able to let go, heart still in one piece, no harm done.

And then there was Tanya. Tanya was staying in the hotel where the seventeen year old Kurogane worked part-time as a waiter and she was everything that a girl should not be: loud, flirty, and absolutely shameless. She was born in America, in one of those _free love communes_ and the traditionalist boy knew he should be disgusted by the way her knee-high skirts rustled when she walked, because she swayed her hips too much when she did. Or the seductive way she played with her long, wavy, honey-colored hair. He knew he shouldn't care _at all_ for the cute freckles on her nose or how her blue bikini fit to her flawless body like a second skin.

She drank. She smoked. She cursed. And she was brave enough to take what she wanted without giving a shit what everybody else thought.

This girl had balls.

He was impressed. _Thrilled_, even.

And sooner or later Kurogane could no longer deny that the main reason why he hated her was that she made him want her, despite everything she was. No, _because_ of everything she was.

She stole his heart, his virginity and a good deal of his manners.

Ignoring her addicting bad sides (which were rubbing off on him soon enough) she was kind at heart, smart and never unfaithful. And had a rough humor to boot. He loved her in every way, everywhere he was capable of but he knew it wouldn't last. When summer was over she went back home and the boy that was left behind turned gloomy and grumpy. Without Tanya, his life was sane, but also dull and grey. He learned to live with it.

So, twice the Japanese had been in love and he started to believe that he would get away with nothing but a scratch. One of the lucky bastards that never knew what it feels like to have a broken heart.

Then Fai happened.

And now the cycle was complete, the prophecy fulfilled and once more the Japanese - a boy then, now a man – found himself facing his fear. The old-fashioned wood-paneled trailer looked cozy from the outside, yet on the inside Kurogane expected a dim-lit, crowded space with expensive oriental-patterned cushions and curtains, jam jars with dried parts of animals stacked on high shelves and air heavy with incense that made you struggle for every breath.

"I have a bad feeling about this." The man complained and the woman next to him laughed.

He glared.

"S-sorry." Oruha uttered; her voice shaky with laughter. "But the last time you said that we were on Souma's Baby shower."

He grumbled. Like he had to be reminded. "I was right, wasn't I?" All that pink decorations, the useless smart-ass chatter of mothers who had killed their own dreams for their children's sake, who tried to live through their children and who considered every unmarried or childless or male person as odd… it had been torture.

"Maybe. But this is different. The worst thing that can happen is that you lose a little bit of money and a little bit of time for nothing, but then again it's the belief that makes a prophecy true…"

The tall man snorted with disdain.

"Do you want me to pay?" Oruha offered with a wink. "It _was_ my idea after all."

"Hn. No way. You will stay _here_. If I have to sit this through, I will do it alone."

"That's no fun!" She complained and Kurogane could feel a shiver running up his spine. He was used to this words, had heard them about 900 times during the last 1095 days, usually accompanied by a childish whine or a pout. He needed no reminder why he came here in the first place, but hearing this little Fai-ism was the push that gave Kurogane the strength to climb the three wooden steps and enter the little trailer.

* * *

People should be aware that a door was never _just_ a door. Doors were promises and temptations; they are solid yet belong to the undefined area of space which is neither one room nor the other, filling the emptiness of the boundary surface known as wall. There is hardly anything on earth that can make people get lost like a door can do – even if you have a notion what will be on the other side, it never leads where you expect it to. It is a miracle that there were so few human beings afraid of them.

The door that Kurogane was about to pass was a special one, a strong one – holding more than the outside and inside, the cold and warm, as well as dark and light together… with one step Kurogane found himself in the Victorian era.

Not that the gym teacher knew much about Victorian England; to him the interior was merely a different kind of strange than what he expected. There were shelves with jam jars, alright. But in the bright light of three tulip-shaped glass lamps that hung from the ceiling, every visitor could see that the jars were not filled with toad's eyes or lizard's tails but with, well, _jam_. Neatly lined up and carefully labeled, there seemed to be jam in every color of the rainbow and every hue, made from every fruit or flower that one could turn into jam. Elder syrup in a pale yellow shade and orange-ginger jelly in a warm orange shade. Green gooseberry jam. Blackberry jam.

To accompany the sweet treasures on the shelves, a lovely scent lingered in the air; a note of vanilla and bergamot; the essences of Scones and Earl Grey.

Not many furnishings, but those present were massive and expensive in an intimidating way. An ottoman in a pale mint green. The seat cover owning a silky glow. A chaise longue that matched the ottoman and between them a round table with a plain white tablecloth. A folding screen was set up, dividing the space and blocking the customer's view on the certainly more private parts of the trailer, like a kitchenette and a bed.

"Sit down; I'll be there in a second!" A melodic but definitely male voice called from behind the screen and Kurogane, still a bit dumbstruck, obliged, taking a seat at the chaise longue. There was no doubt that the ottoman was the owner's place.

When the man appeared, he carried a tray with two cups of tea, a few slices of lemon, two knives and at least a dozen scones. His sight was startling, not because of the frilly blue apron he wore over his anthracite gray three pieced suit or the paleness of his skin or his ash colored eyes in a face with slightly Asian features that was mixed with those strong European cheekbones. It was the breath-taking resemblance to someone Kurogane knew. If the guy was about twenty years younger and a little less tall and had the black hair, which was carefully parted in the middle, been a little bit more stubborn, he could easily have been mistaken for-

"Ah! It's you." The fortune teller remarked with a business-like smile.

Kurogane wasn't sure if the guy was pulling the usual _I've been expecting you_-crap that most fortune tellers loved or if there was a real connection between him and a certain wimpy boy. Gosh, they were even wearing the equal glasses…

"Have we met before?"

"As a matter of fact we haven't, which is quite amusing given that you know the rest of my family."

Kurogane wondered in which universe this would be _amusing_.

"You must have met my wife, Kaho. She's currently teaching math at the high school classes. And my son Kimihiro is in your class, if I'm not mistaken." The man placed the tray in the middle of the table and gave his customer a quick, scanning look before he walked over to the shelves. "Nothing too sweet, I assume?" The question was maybe directed at Kurogane or the jam or himself. It was hard to tell by the pondering fashion in which he tapped his chin.

"But you don't seem to be the berry type, something spicy maybe-" The slender hand with a plain golden ring reached out for the orange-ginger jelly that Kurogane had already noticed, then stopped mid-air. "But no citrus either. Hm, that's tough. You're a summer type, so you should be attracted by winter – there we go! I knew I brought the plum marmalade with me for a reason. I _hate _that stuff."

"I don't like jam of any kind."

"No, you don't _eat_ jam, that doesn't mean you don't like it. It just means you don't eat it because you haven't found the right flavor yet. Everyone likes marmalade. Trust me, I'm an expert."

With the satisfaction of a proud mother, the fortune teller placed the jam jar next to the scones and heaved his slender figure in the ottoman.

"Shouldn't you be an expert at horoscopes and stuff?"

"Oh, I am. But it's hard to make money with astrology so I rely on my other hobby, which is marmalade manufacturing. And when I get bored, I come to a fair like this one. And I get bored easily, so to save our time, we'll skip the introduction. I already know your name and mine is written on my apron, so we can get to the part where I prepare the scones and you tell me your problem over a cup of tea. Nothing stimulates the mind like a cup of tea. Yours is _Chai_; I thought this might fit my Asian customers a bit more."

Not for the first time this evening, the gym teacher wondered if the lack of cliché was a sign of authenticity or if this guy was just pulling a prank. The name on the apron read 'Eriol Reed' which was weird because his wife's last name was Mizuki. And his son's last name…

"Hey, why does everyone on your family have a different family name?"

Eriol exhaled audibly through his nose. "I really _do_ hope this is not the problem why you're here because that would make you a really boring person and as I pointed out, my time is too precious to waste it with boredom."

"For all I know you could be _lying_."

"For all _I_ know you could be a pain in the arse. But if I have to answer a personal question before you can swallow your pride and pour your heart out, I will. My wife kept her maiden name and my son was given his grandmother's maiden name for the same reason – to make the connection between her family and mine less obvious. It's not easy to find real friends when everyone knows that your father or husband is the possible heir of a billion euro concern."

Kurogane's jaw might have dropped at that and he might have been speechless for a while, wondering why the hell a member of the Reed toy emporium bothered with any job at all if he could easily live on Daddy's pocket money… but if you're rich you have the right to be eccentric and if that meant that this guy was free to sit here and sip tea while telling people about their future, the Japanese man would not complain.

"Now _you_." Eriol demanded as he picked a scone from the tray and started to cut it in two neat halves.

"Um, I- It's complicated."

The older man chuckled at that and unscrewed the jam jar. "Yeah. That's what everyone says. Like they're talking about bullets. But while a bullet is a bullet, a rose is not a rose and it's the same thing with complications. Complications are not complicated; they can be nailed down to detailed facts, and events that were different from expectations. For example: ninety-seven percent of my customers that say those words are here because of a matter of the heart. About seventy percent of those are searching for true love, either wanting to know if there's a chance their chosen one might return their feelings or when they will meet the handsome stranger that will turn their life upside down. _You_ – by the way, this cup of tea was made for drinking, it would be rude if you let it get cold – you don't seem to belong to the usual bunch of romantic fools, so I doubt it's the latter one. Am I right?"

Kurogane suppressed a shiver (the weird kind of jerking of the body, like when one had to pee really badly) and gripped his cup of Chai and breathed in the intriguing scent of the various spices – smelled like almond biscuit, in fact – before he took a tiny sip. "Right. Do I have to use names?"

"Whatever you feel comfortable with. But be aware that names also mean power."

Kurogane frowned at that, but made no comment. He had had no intention of saying Fai's name now, if he hardly used it anyway. "My neighbor," He explained as shortly as possible. "I know him for about three years now, we're co-workers and- _why the hell are you grinning like that_?"

"Excuse me." Eriol said, though his smile never faded. He offered a jam-topped scone and for a moment Kurogane was torn between taking the pastry and strangling this guy. Well, he picked the pastry with a glare – and almost dropped it at the next words.

"But you're not by any chance talking about the chemistry teacher and the form teacher of class C? The tall French guy with the cross-dressing tendency who says 'Hyuu' instead of whistling?"

There was no need to answer, no need to bother with a shocked _How the hell do you know? _expression for it was written all over Kurogane's face. He was too flabbergasted to be angry at the tattletale for giving out such delicate details about Fai. He knew very well what a bunch of dickheads people could be when they found out about the blonde's fascination for girl's clothes. And he hated them for that.

"Never underestimate rumors and gossip. Hm… okay, I have a time period now, I'm vaguely familiar with the person you're interested in… and I can see you're right handed. Should be enough for step two."

"Step two?"

Eriol grinned mischievously. "The part where you have to give me your left arm."

"…My arm? Why do you want my fucking arm?" The taller man asked; startled. He was familiar with hand-reading, the theory that a being's future was written in the course of the lines on the palm of a hand, like a map for one's destiny. But his arm…?

"I need to feel your pulse underneath the not-taken hand."

Kurogane was a bit stubborn when it came to things he was not familiar with so he agreed on holding his arm out to Eriol under the one condition that the fortune teller had to explain why. It was probably just the humbug he was about to hear, but anyway. Oruha was right; there was not much he could lose.

"You want me to read the course of your life, right? Well, some people read faces, other read hands, but for a detailed prognosis of someone's past, present and future path, one has to listen to the song of the blood, for the blood is one of the few parts of the body that binds body and soul. For a matter of unrevealed or unrequited love, it's best to read from the hand that is less taken. Men usually offer their strong hand when they want to hold hands with their significant other. The habit goes back to the noble time when quarrels were fought with swords and not with guns or fists… the sheath of the sword was carried on the side opposing the sword hand and would only get in the way on a lovely walk in the park, hence the lady was offered the strong hand, hence the other one was the hand not taken."

And it was the left elbow that he propped on the table, the left wrist that Eriol clutched to in what looked like a new way of arm-wrestling. The man shut the eyes behind his pair of glasses and relaxed.

For a moment there was nothing to hear but the sound of their breathing and nothing to focus on but the not-so-gentle touch, the pressure on the wrist and the hard wooden table under his elbow.

Then Kurogane could feel a tickling sensation spread under his skin like an Australian bush fire; radiating from the spot where the fortune teller's thumb pressed on his pulse.

He got goose bumps and nearly jumped out of his skin, when Eriol started to talk again.

"There is someone whose path is deeply intertwined with yours, at least it has been this way for the last few years; it might be him, but to be certain I need you to remember something. It can be a habit or a possession, something that you connect with only that person."

'_Hn. That's a tough one.'_ There were the smiles, of course, but everyone smiled even if no one smiled like Fai. There was the cross-dressing, but that seemed too unspecific for Kurogane. Truth be told, there were so many little things that made Fai to the person that he was and like a kaleidoscope, he was always changing his appearance. Changing the outside to distract from the things that are hidden inside.

For a few horrific seconds he didn't think he could come up with anything - knowledge had a way of disappearing when being tested.

But there was some knowledge hidden under a bed, trapped in a box and little treasures that were kept there because his owner had no other use for them but still could not bear to lose them. It was a secret that he sometimes took them out to count them, feel their weight in his hands, to make sure that they were still there, still in their place, still a secret.

The repeated action helped Kurogane to remember each and every one of these items, so that he could take them out in his memory. The little snow globe with the tiny snow man figurine in it. By shaking, Mr. Snow man would be caught in a whirl of white and silver glitter, a blizzard trapped behind glass. Fai had given this thing to him the first Christmas he had spent at the Academy.

A post card from the Bretagne sent during his second summer break.

A lip balm stick that the idiot had bought just because he couldn't bear the sight of Kurogane's cracked lips (It had been a fucking cold winter last year) and that Kurogane refused to use because it scented like peaches and was offending his manliness.

And then there was the book of course, that novel that Fai had read about ten times and some parts of it even more. Kurogane could tell because some pages were thinner than others and the letters were paler. Not that the Japanese man had read _Jane Eyre_ himself. He had tried to, and if it was just to reconcile his curiousness why this and no other book was Fai's favorite, but he had given up soon enough; howling with frustration. The lecture required an English vocab that Kurogane did not possess because he sucked at languages. Words have always been his enemies; tricky little bastards.

But he focused on this stuff and while he did so, Eriol could see things clearer.

Pulse reading was a complicated thing. Behind the blackness of his eyelids, the fortune teller saw a red ribbon which represented his customer's path. The light that it was emitting grew stronger and weaker with the rhythm of the Japanese's heartbeat. The glow was strongest at the counterpoint of the beat, when the heart filled with blood.

There was another ribbon and more than this, there were ribbons interwoven with the red one, each one representing another person's fate that had once crossed paths with this man. Together they formed the carpet of Kurogane's life but the other ribbons were unlit and invisible to Eriol's inner eye. All, safe for the one that Eriol had noticed earlier, one with a bluish gleam. It was no coincidence that the ribbons had the same color as their owner's eyes for eyes were the mirror of the soul, so people said, unaware that it was the other way round. Single threads in the ribbon started to gleam as Kurogane remembered his secret possessions and they illuminated the course of this other life as well.

The fortune teller could see that there was a weak connection between the two, many, many years ago but decided to keep that to himself. He focused on the course of the ribbons three years ago, when they had been tied into a knot (which meant an intervention, a forced meeting) and departed as parallel lines.

"You have lived your lives separated, but next to each other for a while, right? Then something happened and you changed course."

Eriol asked but he needed no answer. There was a section with holes in the blue ribbon, like a mouse had been biting some threads and after that the red ribbon slowly approached the blue one. And a little farther off… Wait…

The fortune teller's forehead must have been covered in lines because his customer asked "What? What is it?" at the sight of that frown. Unlike the girls that usually sat at his place, he sounded annoyed more than shocked.

"There is something that can't be right. Or at least it doesn't make sense…have you ever been apart from that man?"

"He's been on vacation a couple of times if that's what you mean."

"No, I'm talking about an emotional distance. Like a really big fight."

"We fight all the time." The ruffian snapped but Eriol heard guilt in his defensive tone. Oh yes, that man knew _exactly_ what he was talking about. The ribbons' light became more intense, especially the part that framed a huge gap. They drew an empty eye in the black nothingness, a spot where no other ribbon could enter, like two brackets that had met without a word to close in. By the course one could tell that they had been supposed to collide after the division, to collide and intertwine like an umbilical cord, instead they circled around each other like a double helix, craving to become one but keeping a safe distance.

So far for the past and the present.

"You screwed up." Eriol stated; eyes fluttering open as he released his grip from the man's tanned wrist. He had seen enough so far, had even caught a glimpse at the future, which could be recognized easily: the future path was not a ribbon for there was often more than one possible future. Each outcome was marked by one or many threads that marked the new course while the amount of threads could give the fortune teller a hint for the likeliness of the outcome.

The Adam's apple in Kurogane's throat bumped down and up as he swallowed hard. "You mean there is no chance…"

"No. No-no-no. I'm speaking of an unused chance. You had a fight and a really big one, strong enough to make you act like strangers. It requires very strong emotions to drive two paths apart with so much force. But for every action there is a reaction, a force equally strong but leading in the opposite direction, to re-establish the equilibrium."

"Are you telling me that fate is bound by the laws of Physics?"

"Yes _and_ no. The momentum conservation law as well as the Le Chatelier's principle are laws to describe the logic that our world or any world consist of. Fate is merely the sum of the most likely occurrences, yet their likeliness is based upon the logic. Physical laws are just a small fraction of the factors that influence fate. The same force that separated you should have been able to glue you together, which is what usually happens when people make up after a big fight. So either you two have not been making up or one of you is unaware of the true reasons of the fight. And since you are the one who is sitting in front of me, I assume that he's the one who doesn't have a clue."

Kurogane growled and he was overcome by the need to punch that man in the face and tell him to start doing his job instead of prying and sticking his nose in other people's path. But then he could see how the past was influencing the future, not just to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. The reason why he was here now, in this tiny trailer, was because Kurogane had never mentioned with one word how he felt for this blond idiot. Mainly because he hadn't want to accept that. His denial had led to a tense situation, which had led to what was known as "The Second Episode of Suffocating Silence" in the Horitsuba School Records. They never talked about the events connected to that period of time. That would have been his chance. If there had ever been the perfect time for a sappy love confession it had been within those twenty-nine days when Fai had attempted not to notice Kurogane's very existence. Fai had been far too angry (and later disappointed) to laugh at the other.

If there had ever been a perfect time for a first kiss it had been on White Day, when the Chairman's intervention had put an end to the silence, making it possible for the two teachers to become friends once more.

Maybe one day the moronic blond would have proposed that even if he did not feel the same way, one date wouldn't hurt, would it?

But he had let this chance slip away and now it was lost.

"That doesn't mean it's the only chance I ever get." He announced, speaking to himself as well as to the bespectacled man. The elder smiled slyly.

"Of course not. But with the missed chance in mind, you should be able to recognize when a new chance shows up. Which is soon, by the way."

"How _soon_ is soon?"

Eriol shrugged. "Maybe next week or maybe in three days. Could be tomorrow for all I know. Time prediction is a bit fuzzy, especially if I don't know what kind of event you will be facing. But there's an intersection ahead. The chances that you will get closer to the person you hold dear are exactly the same as the chances that you might grow apart. If you think that's too much of a risk, then I'll advise you to stay inert until the critical point is over. If you want something to change, then there are some things you should follow."

That was the moment when Kurogane became a bit impatient. Of course he wanted things to change, of course he grew tired of reconsidering three times every word he wanted to say and suppressing any action that might give him away whenever Fai was around. "Which things?"

"First, look out for signs. Coming events cast their shadows before, and even those who are not born with intuition will feel a pull when the time comes. You can trust that feeling. Also, keep your eyes open to fork lightning, crossroads or crosses in any shape or form. Don't rush anything and wait until the moment that you have to choose. And then – and this is most important-"

* * *

A window was opened.

A lean man stuck his nose out in the fresh air and a light breeze stirred his blond locks and tickled his skin.

"A storm is coming up." He mused, staring at the dark blue sky with a dazed expression. Then he placed his elbows on the windowsill. "But not here. Hm… no rain today, I guess?"

A second breeze came up, as if to answer the man's question. He smiled contently.

"Okay. I think I'm ready."

He closed the window again and ambled to the door to grab for his scarf, a jacket and to slip in his light canvas shoes. It was going to be a mild autumn evening. A quiet and peaceful night.

Leaving his umbrella at home, Fai left the apartment humming a soft tune; in his heart the image of a giant with poppy red eyes and a rude attitude appeared.

* * *

[**1**] Actually TrueDespair came up with the idea that the Horitsuba Universe was created by wishes, it was mentioned in her story "Worlds apart", so it would be nice if you have a look on her story.

[**2**] Just in case Mr. Dunham reads this (incredibly likely, yeah *eyesroll*): I am very sorry to use you for that joke. Please note that this story's character's opinions do not necessarily represent the author's opinions. I'm a huge fan. *thumbs up*

I really hope after this chapter more people will say: 'okay, enough with the hints. What the hell happened during that time of Suffocating Silence and what caused it?' Then I can feel less guilty about wasting an entire chapter on the matter. But I like this story and I need to share this with you because I think you might like it too. I also hope I can present you the next chapter in a few weeks. It's already 60 % finished. 80 % even, adding the stuff I've only written on paper so far.

God bless the person that has uploaded every single song of the album "Human Again" on youtube for I still don't own it and I do need my daily dose of Ingrid Michaelson. It keeps me inspired.


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